| 6 sep 2001 "when love feels like magic... you call it destiny. when destiny has a sense of humor, you call it... serendipity" karen is awesome.� i called her up last night, and she took me to the bathroom with her!� yeah!� i mean, as we talked, i noticed her voice getting a little more echoey, and she just blurted out that she was in the bathroom.� i think she took a leak or something, because i heard this little trickle of water, a flush, and then a faucet (hopefully she was washing her hands or something). cool.� i dig a girl who isn't afraid to pee while on the phone.� i do it all the time, because you know, when you gotta go... heh.� i just get a little fear sometimes i'll drop the phone in the toilet or something. jay and i watched a really good tennis match last night... agassi vs. sampras in the quarters of the us open.� FOUR tiebreakers!� the two studs held serve throughout the entire match, which is pretty amazing.� whenever someone got a couple of break points, the guy who was serving just stormed back with fury to win the game. i used to be a big tennis freak.� not that i was good enough to be on the team (unlike my brother, who played on the high school varsity team when he was in 9th grade), but enough to play practically every day.� i always watched the us open because it was in early september, before stanford started. i always claimed that tennis was the most aggressive non-contact sport.� i envisioned two gladiators at the baseline just beating the shit out of the ball with all their strength, grunting and panting as the match went on.� that's why i like baseliners like agassi, as opposed to serve and volleyers. unfortunately, i can't even hit the ball over the net now.� all the time i spent playing ping-pong at teralogic really fucked up my tennis form; i guess i have too much wrist action going now. you know, i really miss teralogic because back there, i worked with pretty good friends.� we would always be having meals together, hanging out in each other's cubicles just chatting, playing ping-pong... it added a social aspect to work that i just don't have anymore.� the early days of teralogic were almost utopian... a small company of close-knit people working towards this big lofty goal... of course, as the company expanded, and people inevitably started leaving, the atmosphere started wilting, until spring of 2000, when practically every good friend i had had left the company... when i found out that the last one (charles) was leaving, i just got really pissed off, and i immediately started interviewing elsewhere.� i figured that if the company couldn't hold on to its talent base, and it was consistently pissing people off enough to leave, then there was something wrong.� *shrug* william (who is still back there), keeps on bugging me to call one of my former bosses, jo.� from what he says, jo seems to miss me a lot.� it may be a joke, but will keeps nagging me and nagging me playfully about calling jo up and seeing if there was anything that could be done to bring me back to teralogic. i feel sad.� because i don't think jo knows that i'm a shadow of the super-motivated engineer that i used to be back at tera.� i used to storm all over the place, taking on new responsibilities, helping people debug their stuff, just basically be a jack-of-all-trades who eagerly snapped up new jobs and stuff.� but now, i've really pigeonholed me into a simple code boy.� yup.� i'm a code boy.� and nothing else.� i think i'm still a good coder, though, but i kinda miss having a lot of extra knowledge about other tools and aspects of chip design. there is a little e-mail buzz about the upcoming stanford taiko season.� fall quarter starts in like three weeks or so.� but i am very doubtful in terms of being as active on the collegiate scene as i was last year.� why?� because all the girls that i liked are gone.� no, that doesn't mean i had crushes all over the place.� i mean, jo-ann was the only one i had romantic feelings about, but the rest of the girls (carol, gwen, gina) were just cool to hang out with, and somehow, seeing all of them and being around them just made me happy for some strange reason. but the four of them have all graduated, and to me, that means that stanford taiko is almost a skeleton of its former self, without the strength of leadership and personality that it had just a year ago. dude.� yesterday, while sitting out there on the loadings having a smoke, i just suddenly barf up... hawaiian punch!� it was like this blood red hose got turned on in my mouth.� it looked REALLY cool!� i was telling eric that milk probably looks the coolest to yack... the white contrasts with everything really well, but milk puke smells really bad.� i dunno.� as much as i think my random barfing incidents are pretty cool, i know i need to stop because it's so bad on my system.� you know the regurged acid melts down your teeth, right?� damn! amms's entry today is a short story to marukami.� it tells of a guy who sees this girl, and thinks she is the "100% perfect girl" for him.� i wonder... how do we get this sense of compatibility from such a superficial glance?� do we really have the ability to tell, or are we just majorly deluding ourselves?� is there such a thing as an accurate "vibe" or assessment of another person in that short a moment? i wonder that because i've done that before, too.� i've seen or met girls really briefly, and sometimes, i instantly know that i like them.� none were more notable with karen.� kristie, sure, i thought she was beautiful, but i didn't get a sure feeling until we talked for a bit (i think... it was so long ago).� karine... hm.� i think she was striking, but it was after quite a few e-mails and smoking sessions that i really started to like her.� so i guess that karen is the best example of my "cosmic detection mechanism." the cynical side of me just says that i'm massively ignorant, and there is no such thing.� i mean, how can one stupid glance or brief interaction shed light on not just the inner workings of another person, but the whole assurance that the way you two interact will be harmonious?� it's kind of ridiculous, i think. yet.� i have to admit that sometimes things just have this feeling that they're right.� meant to be.� i dunno.� i can't shake it, even though i have absolutely no reasoning for its justification.� well, anyways, the day of reckoning is afoot when i butt heads with karen for an extended period of time, 24/7.� we'll see...� (you know, sometimes i hate reality :) dude.� crazy dream last night.� i actually had sex with kristie.� i gave her head.� she had this HUGE screaming orgasm.� it was nuts.� she gave me a severed hand in plastic wrap, and i chopped off my own left hand and put the new hand on.� it was a little smaller than my old hand, and a lot paler.� and the next thing i knew, we were fucking on the kitchen floor, in front of my dad or something.� it all felt very real. later in the dream, i was taking a final, but i was late because some girl and i were talking about whether we should let an online journalist join our group.� so i wound up going to the final like two hours late, and i didn't get to finish the test.� luckily, i woke up before i would have started panicking over failing the final or something. dreams are weird shit.� but at least sex dreams are cool, though.� i wonder what the hell is going on in my brain. "hey ladies when your man wanna get buck wild just go back and hit 'em up style put your hands on his cash and spend it to the last dime for all the hard times..." |