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| 30 oct 2001 while we were hanging out at tresidder parking lot after going to stacks, i found this rickety old chair.� i sat in the middle of the lanes and had dishi take this picture of me.� i think it reflects my mood and my life pretty well... cloudy, solitary, kind of dejected, in the middle of nowhere, with nothing really to get excited about. i've sent out five resumes so far.� i e-mailed two of them out yesterday, and i went to hand-deliver three of them.� i like driving to the companies myself because it gives me the opportunity to check out the whereabouts and the "aura" of the place.� however, at one of the three places, andiamo systems, i got stuck in the lobby with no receptionists, so after waiting a few minutes, i just left.� bummer. when i was looking for jobs last year back in april, it was really easy.� i walked into places, dropped of my resume, and got interviews almost immediately, and in one case, right on the spot (which didn't really help me, heh, because i was totally unprepared).� but in any case, i think this time around, it's going to be a lot tougher.� a hell of a lot tougher. when i dropped off my resume at this place, teradiant networks, i was waiting around for a receptionist a bit.� i looked around the desk, and i saw resume's all over the place.� i mean, like INCHES thick of resumes.� damn.� are that many people looking for jobs?� it's starting to look really scary.� funny thing, the resume on the top was from a guy from vivace networks, the company that laid me off last friday!� i didn't recognize his name, and i didn't know if he got laid off, but it was a little amusing to find someone's resume from my old company. i wonder if the layoffs are scaring people back at vivace.� they apparently had a meeting after all of us people who got the axe left.� i have no idea what was said, but maybe they said that there would be more layoffs.� part of the bitter side of me wishes the company would just crumple up and die (heh), but seeing as i have a decent number of stock options in the company, the best thing for my interests is for the company to succeed.� and what makes me sad is if they succeed without me.� *sniff* *sigh*� i hate the waiting period.� i'm not used to it.� i guess i had a little troubling finding a job when i first got out of college, but then again, that was expected because was totally switching fields from DSP to hardware design.� i think i got spoiled by my job search last year... within a week, i got like 3 offers out of 4 companies i looked at.� yeah.� i was spoiled. michael jordan's playing tonight.� for some reason, it feel really good to hear his name and to see his face.� i guess i've just been so used to having this athlete in my life, and it's only now that he's come back that i realized i kinda missed him.� not that i was a bulls fan, but i guess he's just an icon of the sporting world...� possibly the biggest, you can argue... AUGH!� I'M SAD!!!! sorry.� just had to vent a bit. i think i'm struggling with the notion of being relegated to the ranks of the mediocre.� i mean, i take this layoff very personally, i.e. they deemed me to be not good enough, and that's why they cut me.� i mean, all my life i've been successful and blessed with good things happening to me, and i just feel like things are decaying and crumbling.� life just seems to be a slow steady systematic decline.� and that doesn't feel good.� in fact, it scares the shit out of me. ack. oh yeah.� geocities told me that is surpassed the bandwidth limits they allocated me.� something like 3gb/month of traffic allowance.� how the hell did i get beyond that?� my pages are pretty small, and i don't get _that_ many hits.� there's no fucking way i could ever beyond that!� but anyways, if you ever find that my page is inaccessible, it might be because geocities has to shut my page down for a few days.� what a pain in the ass. i really need to fix my sleeping schedule.� i'm still waking up around 11 every day.� if i'm gonna have to work hard, my day needs to start with me waking up around 9 at the latest.� the only problem is, right now, there's no need for me to do that... what the fuck would i do by waking up so early? i wonder if they would have cut me if i had gotten to work at a normal time.� i know that getting to work after 11 every day must have looked really really bad.� *sigh*� in some ways, i feel really bad because i know that i might not have gotten laid off if i hadn't been so goddamn lazy.� if i have to learn from this incident, it's that i really need to get off my ass and start working hard again.� it's a wake up call. i've been smoking a lot. december 19th.� the day _the fellowship of the ring_ comes out.� *cheer*� liv tyler looks hot in that movie.� when i read the book back in junior high school, i always thought that the elven princesses must have been hella hot.� *smacks his lips* ok.� you know what's weird?� i have nothing to say these days.� but it's not like these days are any less interesting than my weekdays back at work.� i mean, empirically, looking at what i used to do at work, and what i have been doing this week, there's nothing really different... i basically do nothing.� but why does my life seem so boring now?� maybe it's because subconsciously i know i'm ultimately idle... doing nothing for my life, not even making a living or earning any money.� it's an empty, useless existence, i guess. it's karma.� i guess i have to pay retribution for my easy year so far of coasting while earning a posh salary.� yay.� karma. |