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| 29 oct 2001 *sigh*� day one of being involuntarily unemployed. what can i say?� i'm massive bummed.� lethargic.� dude.� i slept until 1pm today, which is really 2pm because of the time change. friday, i had dinner with adam.� i left the company at 4 after having packed up my stuff and gotten my severance package (3 weeks pay, 3 months accelerated vesting, better than nothing, i guess).� and i dropped by adam's place and just moaned and bitched and whined about life.� he kept on telling me to "find my passion," blah blah blah, which is all good talk, except that if i really think about it, i don't know what my passion is.� and if i found it, it would probably be impossible to make a living out of it. what did we eat?� oh yeah.� we had identical wet burritos at taqueria los charros (yummy shit), except adam's was made without cilantro, which i don't really understand how they made it because isn't the cilantro part of the salsa?� what, are they gonna pick it out leaf by leaf?� but anyways, adam brought his camera along, and he asked me to make a face that expressed my mood at the moment, post-layoff.� and what you see above is the result.� sad sad poor dardy, eh? but i tried to put all the job hell stuff out of my mind during the weekend.� yesterday, i saw possibly one of the most ridiculously incoherent movies, _mulholland drive_.� i mean, you kind of expect a movie to have a sense to it... meaning that it's supposed to make sense.� maybe it's a little cryptic, or a little hard to follow, but this one... man.� it practically violated every law of continuity.� i gotta go back and read some reviews and see what the hell the critics were raving about.� but i definitely did appreciate the juicy lesbian sex.� lots of boobage!� sweet! i crave pizza on sunday's.� after the movie, i swung by pizza chicago and got a medium "al bundy" pizza for me and jay to split... it had feta cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, huge chunks of GARLIC (*drool*), and i added sausage to it.� it was heavenly.� despite the fact that a medium only had 6 slices, and i could have had almost the whole thing to myself. but anyways.� i think i need structure.� i can't deal with not having a daily regimen during the day.� i just don't know what to do with myself.� as solitary as cubicle life is, at least there is still people contact... staying at home all day is just not what i should be doing right now. my goal for the day is to update my resume, and hopefully jay will come back tonight and show me how to use his printer.� i drove to stanford and got some resume paper.� not that i need any, since most engineering companies accept resumes over e-mail, but one thing i like to do is drop by personally to hand in my resume.� that gives me the opportunity to see what the company looks like, since not only are they interviewing me, but i'm evaluating them as well. this job search is a lot different from my last one.� for some reason, i only looked at four companies last time.� it was a narrow search, because i was pretty much set on vivace networks from the beginning.� (and i don't need to mention how sad i am to leave that company).� but this time, i've got friends dropping names left and right, and i've got well over a dozen companies that are potential places to apply.� and i feel like i'm overwhelmed, because there's simply too much choice.� how the hell can i tell if a certain company is a piece of shit or not?� i need some guidance here. dude.� it is weird to be checking e-mail and surfing from home.� during a chat with rita, i realized that it may be the fact that my chair isn't really comfortable.� i'm used to lounging lazily in my soft reclining plush chair at vivace... being a mouse potato.� and besides, being on a dialup service, i just don't have the patience to wait for webpages to load.� but i need to get my ass cracking and do some research on some of these companies. i dropped by stanford today.� whoops; i already said that.� but anyways, i walked to the quad and sat down in the drizzle and had a smoke.� and i just watched all the young peeps walking or biking to and from class.� and i felt really jealous of them.� because they didn't have to worry about bills or jobs or layoffs or anything like that... they were just involved in the pure process of learning and having fun with friends.� *sigh*� what a nice and happy and innocent existence. what to do...� i'm kind of concerned because as much as i am fretting about this impending job search, part of me just doesn't give a shit... i feel like doing nothing.� just wallowing and sulking and slumming around.� which makes me think, i really should go home (i.e. back to dallas) because if i am bumming around, i should bum around my family.� and recharge.� the big problem is that they want me to go home for thanksgiving, and i want to go home right now.� the timing's all off. maybe tomorrow will be a better today.� maybe.� all i can say is that this october was probably one of the worst months of my life.� first the new york debacle fucking up my emotional world, and now this lay off ruining my professional life.� what else can go wrong?� maybe i'll get mugged when somebody knocks on my door on halloween pretending to want candy.� hrmph. it's just one of those "the world sucks" days.� i know things will get better, but i just don't want to work at it right now.� ARGH.� RAAR.� i've been in a RAAR'ing mood lately. oh, yesterday, i had brunch with some taiko alums at stacks.� and coincidentally, jay and margaret went to stacks as well, with mallory, who's a medical acquaintance of margaret.� i first saw mallory at the stanford asian american students association fashion show back in '97.� (she was a year behind me and jay at stanford.)� and i remembered her.� i found her pretty attractive at the show, and i thought it was pretty neat how i was finally formally introduced to her four years after i saw her and thought i would never bump into her again.� how small this world is... she's engaged.� too bad.� :) ok.� maybe it's time for a nap.� _ally mcbeal_ season premiere is tonight. |
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