| 26 oct 2001 this will be the last entry i write from my cube at vivace networks.� yup.� i got fucking laid off this morning.� i got to the office at 11:30, and my boss comes up to me, and leads me into a small conference room where he breaks me the bad news. yeah, i'm fucking shocked right now. so my cubicle's packed away, i've scavenged a few of the files off of my computer (i'll be losing my bookmarks, though, but luckily i still remember which online journals i'm currently still reading)... *sigh*� aside from the obvious pain of having no health insurance, having to look for a new job with new people and stuff... i guess what hurts is that i really liked working here.� i believed in the company and its vision and its leadership.� and now i just feel really betrayed. funny how i joked about my slacking and how i was gonna get laid off.� shit.� i better keep my fucking mouth shut from now on.� laying stuff down on this journal hasn't done any good things for me.� *ARGH* well, it's not so funny.� i feel like my life has been turned upside down. but yeah, i'm taking it ok.� i'll be bummed.� it's too bad that i don't really need this break... i mean, people have been telling me to take a vacation or something, but damn, i've had enough vacation this year.� as weird as it sounds, i just want to do some productive work and get over my laziness and coasting and idleness. i am dreading the prospect of interviewing again.� i think my skillset has deteriorated in the last and a half i've been here, and i frankly don't think i'd land as many offers as i would when i was younger.� plus, the job market out there sucks, so i've been told.� life isn't going to be pretty for a while, i'm guessing. FUCK.� i imagined working here indefinitely.� i've grown to really like (and dare i say, love?) some of my fellow employees.� and now i'm forced to say goodbye?� talk about fucking UPROOTING.� i just talked about that yesterday, too!� about the dangers of growing roots in a place and getting attached.� as much as i hate working, i definitely grew really close to my company. damn.� i saw these empty boxes in the loading docks yesterday, and i was wondering why the hell we would need them.� now i know.� and now i also know why the management was sequestered behind locked doors and shut blinds earlier this week.� it all makes sense to me now. i don't blame the management.� if they had to cut costs, then that's what they had to do.� i don't agree with them laying off employees, because there's plenty of work to do, and they're just gonna burn out the rest of the remaining people.� but i wonder if they were unwilling ask everyone to take a pay cut, which i would have gladly done to help the company. my boss must hate his job today.� telling people that they have to go, and there's nothing they can do about it.� poor guy. i swear, packing up during broad daylight is such a shameful thing to do.� that's the first thing i thought about... having to hang my head and move these plain white boxes to my car, showing everybody in the company that yes, i was one of the ones deemed "expendable" in the company's eyes... just worthless and unwanted.� that fucking hurt. i don't know if i'll ever try to make my company home again.� the first time, i had to leave because things were falling apart.� the second time, i was forced to leave.� i just feel like i can't trust my corporate life anymore.� i'm the first to put up posters and pictures and little toys and stuff to make me feel at home... and now i wonder if i'll feel completely at ease doing that the next time i step into a new fresh cubicle. what pisses me off is that the company made no warnings about layoffs.� as recently as a few months ago, they said that they were not considering them.� and BAM!� they laid off a decent chunk of the company today.� what the fuck?� what happened to the boastful claim that there was enough money to keep the company afloat for a long time?� that pisses me off to no end.� i really trusted this management, and maybe they made the right decision for the company, but... they just could have been more honest for us employees.� honesty is key.� i demand it.� and i didn't get it this time around. so that's that.� my severance meeting is coming up in like 15 minutes.� people have stopped by my cube and offered their condolences.� which do mean something to me.� i see some shocked faces.� some worried faces.� one guy told me that they'll be telling stories about me (probably me and my fetish for indian food) when i'm gone.� and he said that it hurts the old employees more because they're the ones who will be missing us after we move on.� i didn't believe him, but maybe there is some truth in what he said. shit.� i designed one of the most complicated blocks in the chip.� and they fucking kicked me off the island.� stupid bastards. well... what can i say.� my mom seemed really calm when i called her.� she was the first one i talked to.� the second was alan, but he didn't answer his cellphone.� oh well. i hate it when life forces my hand.� i have enough problems dealing with my free will already; i don't need this shit.� i feel like this week's _dawson's_ episode, where things were complicated enough already, and the plot just got bent all out of shape in the end with a freak out of the blue incident.� yay.� fun fun. ok.� meeting time is nigh.� i'll survive.� but that's mean i'll like it.� life's a bitch. |