| 17 oct 2001 short short day today. work-wise. well, actually, i didn't even go to the office today. i got up at 9:30 and sped over to the dentist's office for my teeth cleaning at 9:40. dude. they used this water-pik instead of the usual spiky metal thing to scrape away all the tartar i had. i can't decide if i like the water-pik better. hm. i guess it's better because i didn't get all bloody and stuff. but it did still hurt. my teeth are always sore after cleaning, but it's a good kind of soreness, i guess. the dude was new... usually i get this woman, but i heard she had to leave because of some family issues or personal issues or something. i hope she's ok. but anyways, this guy used the metal scrapers after the water-pik. just a little bit of scraping. ewww. i looked down at the little bib i got, and i saw this BIG piece of red chunky stuff on it. i almost gagged at the idea that it might be a piece of my gums, but then i realized it was a chunk of the toothpaste grit that they were using. *phew* hm. i have been looking at this book where people from my graduating class contribute a page, and as expected from stanford, there are lots of doctors and stuff. but i just realized today that i don't recall see any aspiring dentists. hm. i wonder if dentistry isn't "noble" or "sexy" enough as a profession. but anyways, after the teeth cleaning, i stopped by the crack and got two breakfast sausage croissants and head back home for a bit. yum... mayonnaise. and then... it was the 2nd annual vivace networks golf invitational! we only played nine holes, but that was fine because it actually started to get a bit cold out there. our team shot a 36/30. some freak team shot a 28, which makes me very suspicious. but *shrug* i tied my team captain for the "shortest to the pin tee shot," but i let him have the prize. aren't i such a magnanimous person? i stopped in 'n out on the way back and got two cheeseburgers animal style. i guess today's all about eating two of everything. hrmph. there's nothing on television to watch right now. i realize that i should be more aware of stuff going on in this world. i mean, now is the best time to learn, because information is so readily available, right? it should be pretty easy to be aware in that sense. but rather than surfing the web all day, which can get tedious and boring, i think i'll subscribe to something like _time_ magazine or something. so i can listen to music and lounge around while reading. or read while i'm taking a dump. i haven't done that in a while. but yeah. after talking to karen, a highly socially politically conscious person, i feel like i really should fight my ignorance and apathy. well, apathy is harder to get rid of, so i'll just focus on ignorance for now. i mean, i agree with that she says about us being privileged people and that fact that we have an obligation to give back to the world. i was just never raised to care. but it's never too late. oh. dishi told me that korea house is open again. you can guess where i'm gonna hit for dinner when i get a chance. amms brought up an interesting pseudo-complaint today about guys who act all friendly and shit when they're interested in a girl, but when things don't work, they just drop the girl off the face of the planet. i found it interesting because i haven't talked to amabelle in almost two months. i mean, i see on AIM every single day, but i just haven't had the faintest notion to ring her up. why is that? *ponder* it might seem like i was just like what she was complaining about... like i was some honrny motherfucker who couldn't get in her pants or whatever, and i just gave up. but that wasn't it. i mean, we had like 30 chats or something over a short period of time, and i guess i just never felt any notable chemistry. and i kinda got frustrated, because people usually open up to me in that amount of conversation. i didn't feel like we could really talk and share personal revelations. which probably was my fault for being all brazen and declaring my crush for her so early. but... *shrug* that's is fine with me. i still am interested in her life, but more from a distance. i still read her blog/journal every day. and if she ever needed or wanted to talk, i'd be all ears. *yawn* damn. something smells good. we have a korean family living downstairs, and they're always brewing up shit. jay's already had a jamba juice, and i had those two cheeseburgers. yet we're still thinking of going to korea house tonight just because we can. i mean, jay is on call tomorrow night, so we can't go then, and friday (and this weekend) we'll be in LA for alex's wedding. i'm telling you, korea house is that good. or we miss it that much. back to amms... it makes me think about crushes and stuff. wait a minute. i guess i've always talked about it this week... how i can feel all these intense emotions and stuff for people and not feel a thing after a certain period of time. i wonder if i'm a freak or something. i don't like how fickle my heart is. it makes me seem untrustworthy and undependable. argh. how the fuck is anyone supposed to believe i love them if they know i can just shut off someday in the future? it must be damn unsettling and scary for the other person. i have this little theory that relationships are best before sex. because sex is just too fun and good, and once a couple has it, that's all they do. i mean, given a few hours together, what's the best thing for a couple to do? romp, of course! but the problem is, they just wind up romping all the time, and all the conversation and other stuff kind of disappears. at least that's what i've experienced in my life. not that i'm convinced it'll stay that way, but i just think sexual tendencies need to be kept in check with awareness. and i also think it's sad that after sex, those five-hour makeout sessions also disappear. i like those all-night kissing events. i mean, it's like you kiss so much that your lips get pickled and raw, but you still keep at it because that's the extent of what you can express with your affection (remember: this is before sex). it's pretty neat. pretty sweet. kisses rule. hm. i haven't updated from home in a such a long time. the tv's on, and depeche mode is playing from my computer. damn my computer is slow. it's 333mhz, which was totally top of the line like 3 years ago, but now it's like a piece of shit. technology is frustratingly maddening like that. don't even get me started on my digital camera. *pounds the table* october is passing by like a whirlwind. i like that. the only thing that really bugs me is that i'm totally behind on my project at work. it's some tough shit i have to design, and i'm dreading the day when i'll have no excuses to procrastinate (right now, i'm working on an older project, so that's my excuse) and i'll just have to sit down and pull it out of my ass. but otherwise, it's been an interesting month. ha. no shit. i totally miss having karen at the back of my mind. the idea of her was a pretty big part of my happiness. argh. |