| 16 oct 2001 "and he's remembering the first time he kissed her and how he'd wake and immediately miss her like a spell, with each breath, he'd taste her breath like a haunting, irritating as hell" not much to say today.� so forgive my ass if i don't pump out the requisite 7-8K characters that i usually write. i had korean food last night.� which doesn't sound very exciting, but it is to me.� because i love korean food.� well, i love a lot of different kinds of food, as my friend jeremy noted.� except for italian.� blech.� what the fuck is up with italian... but anyways, i used to get my korean fix at this place called korea house.� it's on san tomas and el camino.� but then the damn place fucking burned down, so that was that... i really loved that place... i used to go there with karine all the time, even though karine (being korean, even!) never scored us free jap chae (well, she might have, but i don't remember).� and this grandma-type woman who spoke like SIX different languages would come over and stir my pot for me.� i wonder why she did that... maybe i looked clueless?� whatever.� it was a sweet gesture, anyway... i felt like she was pretending to be my mom or something. but anyways, jay, margaret, and i went to a surrogate korean place called spring barbeque or something.� i ordered my favorite thing... dol sot bi bim bap.� and i threw a bunch of kimchee in there and tons of hot sauce.� *drool*� it was damn good.� although still not as good as korea house, but still... i was more than ready for my korean fix. spicy spicy yummy goodness. we just got our golf shirts for tomorrow's golf invitational at work.� they're BLACK.� what the fuck?� did they KNOW how hot the weather is these days?� and they expect us to wear black?� shit, man.� that was a pretty dumbass move if you ask me.� oh well.� i'm accumulating all this engineer geek wear, and i don't know what to do with it.� i mean, it's _nice_ that they're giving us free clothes, and some of the people here definitely could use some new entries in their wardrobes, but... damn.� i just find most of the shit they give us pretty unattractive.� *sigh* but i'm excited to get to take the day off tomorrow and just play golf.� even though i have to get up early to go to the dentist and get the shit scraped off my gums... it's so gross... all that gum tissue carved away with those sick looking metallic spiky utensils. ok.� i just called to confirm my appointment.� shit now i have to call my chiropractor to cancel my appointment.� hold on... so yeah.� tomorrow i get to go out there and try to make the best without my trusty 9-iron.� remember that i broke it (the head just snapped right off) the last time i went golfing. i'm a believer that you can take any two random people and stick them together in a relationship, and most of the time, if they really wanted to, they'd make it work.� but sometimes, is it true that you can just look (an educated look, mind you) at two people and conclude, "nah, it would never work?"� hm.� *ponder*� i've had friends tell me, "it won't work work so-and-so" and i'm like, "how the fuck do you know?� i'm VERY accomodating!"� and stuff like that.� *shrug*� maybe it's the girl who isn't accomodating.� heh.� IT'S ALL HER FAULT!� heehee. i find myself censoring myself just a bit lately.� like there's stuff that i feel like i should talk about, you know, just for the sake of recording it, so some day i can go back and say, "oh, on this day i had this thought."� but oh well.� my list of "untouchable" subjects is evolving, i guess. hm.� what to talk about... i do realize that i have this deep well of affection for women.� women in general.� i think they're beautiful people, and i have no inability to dig up crazy amounts of emotions for certain women at certain times.� but then again, if you look at just one particular girl, it seems like i burn out pretty fast or something.� i mean, there are times when i can't even FATHOM the idea of not liking her, like a "oh, baby, i'll love you FOREVER" type of emotion, but you know, that never lasts.� and as much as that's probably a good thing to keep me sane, i do get sad when i realize that such strong words from me eventually end up false.� because i feel like i can't trust my emotions. it makes me feel like my emotions aren't REAL.� i don't worry about it too much, because i have just come to accept that everything we feel has a certain time value to it.� but it's still kind of weird how we can be so convinced of our affection, only to see it fade away.� one of kristie's favorite sayings and writings was "nothing lasts."� how true.� pretty sad, i must say. you know, despite the whole karen relationship fiasco, i am really glad that at least we hooked up.� because the idea of not having been able to kiss her would have really messed me up... because at the very least, i was able to let loose some form (albeit a warped, incomplete form) of affection for her... keeping all of that bottled up during the whole trip would have made me explode, i bet.� like emotional blue balls or something like that. i must say, though... karen's got some funky upper lip.� you know how there's the LIP part, and then there's the part that the lip's attached to?� like there are usually two separate entities?� karen's upper lips is like fused to her face or something.� it's kind of inflexible.� kind of weird. but damn.� my world went nuts when we had that first kiss.� first off, it had been a long time since i had kissed anybody.� and even longer when a kiss had such a big impact.� and dude, it was with karen.� and to top it all off, i knew that it didn't have the full meaning of what i wanted that kiss to have, so there was an incredible amount of cognitive dissonance ringing in my head when our lips touched. just crazy. ok there.� *phew*� i reached my word quote for the day.� laters! |