| 27 nov 2001 shit. i was all set to see _amelie_ with una, but she called me up and said she had to bail. apparently she has some kind of presentation to give tomorrow, so she has to prep for it and all. ARGH. there's something wrong with my back. i played basketball today for the first time in a few weeks, and after coming back home, i'm back to that bad point where i can't bend over without my lower back burning in pain. yuck. i swear, it makes me feel like such an old man. but besides that, it was nice to get out and play ball again, even though it was a bit hard playing defense because the sun was so low it kept on getting in my eyes. i've been getting a lot of practice at waking up and immediately trying to be articulate. it's because all these people keep calling me early in the morning. today, the 11th person from cisco called me to do a little mini-interview. the loud ring woke me up, and i immediately popped out of whatever dream i was in and gathered myself as i answered the phone. usually, people can tell if i've just been woken up, because apparently i sound ridiculously tired or something. but i'm trying to fake them out with a spritely, "hello!" or something. but anyways, i talked to the guy for a while... and supposedly they were gonna call me this afternoon with an offer, but they never did... i hope everything's all right. so i've got more interviews coming up... you know, i'm really tired of interviewing, despite the fact that i really haven't had _that_ many. but anyways, i'm talking to greenfield networks tomorrow afternoon, and then 3pardata on thursday afternoon. 3par sounds like a cool company... they snagged $100 million in funding earlier, but shit... they're in fremont, which i've bitched about a lot earlier. if they were in the south bay, it would make such a big difference in terms of my attitude towards them. but they're not, and if i get an offer from them, i'm gonna have to think really hard about whether or not the commute across the dumbarton would just ruin my days. you know, i honestly don't know how people can commute an hour each way every day... that would just kill me. i was watching _ally_ last night, and there's this case that has to do with jenny's 50-something mom wanting to marry a guy in his 20's. but anyways, they asked the guy why he wanted to be with such an older woman, and he said something like, "younger women are asking us men to complete them, while older women have already found a way to be complete, and they just want to share it." something to that effect. yes, i know it's just a tv show, so i'm not going to argue whether what he said is true in real life. but it did get me thinking about what i expect the girl to do for me. i think that i've gotten a lot more codependent-type. i mean, when i started going out with kristie, we were both independent "complete" people. i used the silly simile of us being pieces of module furniture or something. but anyways, we did our own things, and sophomore year, sometimes we would go for days without seeing each other. and we were fine. so that was kristie. with karine, two years later, i just somehow needed/wanted to see her more. so we spent practically every night together while we were in school, and even the first year after i graduated when i lived in mountain view. i dunno. i'm not saying that the "codependent" style is worse, but it's just a different way of handling a relationship. but i did feel like that karine occupied a huge chunk of... er... _me_. like if she disappeared, i would just feel empty. so yeah, in a way, she completed me. (sounds so cheesy, especially after that whole _jerry maguire_ thing) but after i think about it, i have to say that the model of two independent people sharing themselves somehow seems better. how it's better, i can't explain. but it just seems more healthy for some reason. but at the same time, there are sometimes where i think it's just so comfortable to lose myself and do the whole 24/7 thing. but yeah, it _is_ kind of unhealthy. so the whole _ally_ thing just made me think about whether i'm going about my thinking all wrong. and whether i need a sort of adjustment. i don't think i should be looking for completion by another person... that's too much to ask for someone... no one should shoulder the burden of being "everything else" with respect to another person. college basketball is getting underway. last year, i watched so many of stanford's games. but with the departure of the collins twins, for some reason, i feel like i don't recognize the team anymore... there are a lot of new and unfamiliar faces, and it's just really foreign to me. and maybe my aversion to watching the team play is because they're not as good as they have been in the recent past, so i don't want to be disappointed by watching stanford struggle. i mean, last year, they started off the season 18-0 or something, so it was just so fun to watch stanford beat everyone. this year, they're ranked 13 preseason, and i think they're gonna have a tough time with a lot more teams. I WANT TO SEE _AMELIE_!!! shit. i don't know when una or sonya are free to watch it with me (i REFUSE to watch a movie by myself nowadays, although i've done it before). and i have this sinking feeling that it'll only be showing at shoreline until friday, because that's the day they rotate the movie lineup. *grrr* i have a special softness for the name "amelie." there was a girl in ac dec (academic decathlon, yes, yes, it's a geek thing) named amelie. but she went by a shortened version of "amie," pronounced "ah-mee." such a cute name! and she was rather beautiful... she's the only blonde girl that i've ever liked. anyway, she was the first girl in my life that i was in love with that gave back any semblance of affection. although looking back, i know that she wasn't serious about it at all... she was just a pretty big flirtatious type. but at the time, i didn't worry about it, and i just savored all those hugs and hand holding and little pecks on the cheek she gave me. but yes... amie. *sigh* she was definitely a cutie. and in a way, i still carry on a little bit of her legacy, because her last name starts with "von." and those of you who receive e-mails from me know that my e-mail name is "dardy von chang." i want to work at a company with HOTT women! yeah. *eyeroll* fat chance but anyways, speaking of blonde women, i watched _legally blonde_ last night. it was ok. i mean, considering that i really don't like reese witherspoon (she's kinda ugly) at all, it wasn't bad. because i could have really hated it. i think reese has this huge chin, which is evident when she smiles really big. and it was just really unbelievable that she was on one hand this ditzy airhead-type, yet she was smart enough to do well in law school, let alone get into harvard law. i mean, compared to one of my favorite movies, _clueless_, reese is nothing compared to alicia silverstone's cuteness, and alicia's character was just really adorable... she didn't try to do anything that seemed out of reach for her character. but anyways, for some strange reason, i _did_ find selma blair kind of sexy. i don't know why. she's not strikingly beautiful or cute or anything... she just seems really quiet and understated. maybe it's because i think that she might has some nasty side that would surface in bed or something. :) but anyways, yeah. selma blair. go figure. rats. duke is beating iowa. down with duke. |