| 26 nov 2001 well, today is my one month anniversary of my layoff. yup. one month of not doing a single shred of work; it doesn't feel too good to be so idle. i mean, being idle because of not having a project to work on or just because of laziness at the job is one thing... being idle without having a choice is quite another. i did get another check from vivace today for over $8K. it's the buyback of the shares that i purchased for my stock option grant. in a way, it feels good to get that much money back to pad my savings... but in another way, it means that there are a lot of shares unvested that i would have liked to have in vivace, and that is quite a bummer in its own way. oh well. i slept a lot today, and as of 6pm, i had only been awake for a full whopping two hours. i got up and went to the post office in palo alto to pick up my check. then, i was craving some sushi, so i got takeout from miyake. too bad that they didn't have any cooked salmon, so i couldn't get the chelsea roll, which is REALLY good. yum. except for the thing that the roll has asparagus in it, so it makes your pee really stink. ewww. then, i took a nap, and woke up three hours later. i dunno. i get really sleepy in the afternoons these days; on saturday down in SLO, i took three naps throughout the course of the day. i felt kind of bad because i must have seemed really antisocial and stuff just lying on the carpet and snoring away. ok. i'm gonna get up before noon tomorrow. i promise. i have to, anyway, to return the three dvd's that jay and i rented on thanksgiving day. too bad i only watched one of them (_shrek_). hm. maybe i'll watch one of the movies tonight. i really wanted to see _amelie_ tonight. it's this french movie with this kinda cute actress who reminds me of audrey hepburn. it's subtitled, and yet the big mainstream theater at shoreline is showing it. i called up sonya, but she went swimming (training for her triathlon, SO impressive), and then i called up una, but she's tired and has to get up really early tomorrow to go to the hospital. i talked to una for quite a bit (so long, in fact that my cup of noodles had soaked up most of the water by the time i got to it), and it was nice ot get a bit of personal conversation in. i'll probably go see the movie with her tomorrow night. una talked about one of her friends kind of backstabbing her. i'm really glad, in a way, that i'm a guy, because i do think that guys are more chill than to badmouth each other that way. well, i know other people (i.e. michael) have had problems with guys, but i think my guy friends are all really wonderful in that sense... we're just all so chill and stuff that i don't think we have any problems like that. *sigh* i'm thinking about last night (birthday dinner in the city), and i'm just smiling. i love my friends. there's this crepe place in the kinokuniya building (i think that's the name of it; it's either that or kintetsu) in japantown. for some reason, they don't allow pictures or video of the people making the crepes. weird. but anyway, i got one with nutella and banana slices. yum. i've heard all about nutella and how good it is, and i finally got to taste the paste (ha! rhyme!). it's ok. hazelnut, right? but it's not as heavenly as i've heard people describe it. *shrug* i'm a big fan of the nut, but this one tastes a little too sweet or something for me. una asked me if the reason why i'm sleeping so much is because i'm depressed. i paused a bit, because i wonder about that. am i depressed? quite possibly, yes. i mean, my life is quite solitary these days, which is really icky, and i've been fighting the jobless front for a month now. there's not much really grand going on in my life right now. so i dunno. i do think i'm stuck in a rut, but as far as it making me depressed, i'll have to say maybe and leave the true diagnosis for a professional. _ally_'s on. too bad that they john cage left the show... he was my favorite character. you know, i thought glenn (james marsden) was really good-looking in _x-men_, but i think that was because i couldn't see his eyes. they were hidden behind his blast visor thing. he has really good cheek structure. but his whole face looks little scraggly or something. but anyways, it's kind of sad that much of the original cast of _ally_ (billy, georgia, john) is gone. did i tell you guys that one of the last times i cried was when billy died? it was really weird. i have cried maybe four times in the past ten years, and for a tv show to do that to me was really unexpected. it's a sign that i'm really just a sap. thanks to lan and gg for their birthday wishes! like, i read about the huge bday bash for ernie (who i don't know) and i wonder if i should feel sad that my birthday passes with such little fanfare. but you know, i don't really care. yeah, maybe it might make me feel really good about myself to see so many people celebrating... it might make me feel popular and stuff. and as much as that seems attractive, i don't think it's really important to me. i just want some of my good friends around me. but then again, i remember how much fun i had at my housewarming party, when my place was filled with all these people i know... so i do know that a part of me maybe craves a larger social sphere... but i just know that it's not a really strong craving, and i am happy with where i am now. no word on the job front today. the guy from cisco called me, and he said that they're kinda pushing forward for an offer, and they're in the process of checking my references. i think the chances of me working at cisco are actually pretty good (i.e. better than 50%). i just wish that i were more psyched about it. i swear. i'm spoiled still thinking that i could strike it big with stock options and retire before 30 and all that... but on the other hand, i've been living with that kind of expectation, and it's hard to get rid of it. but i should try, right? the whole "get rich" thing is kind of unrealistic now. and no one, especially me, should expect that and demand it for himself. so. i have a mental adjustment to make. but still... cisco is BORING. i'm not looking to making friends all over again. it took me months and months at vivace before i felt socially comfortable there. there were so many days i the beginning where i would eat lunch by myself... it was pretty pathetic, actually. so sad, munching on a burger king sandwich while surfing the net in my cube. but after a while, it actually got really fun there, and i loved hanging out in david's and rahul's cube and just the overall sensation of feeling like i was home there. ARGH. piss on life, that's what i say! PISS! oh. one last thing. weird thing. i dreamt briefly about clare last night. and she was completely naked, breasts and all. i swear i don't have a sexual thing for her, but still... she was hot in my dream. it's weird, i said, because i haven't talked to clare (e-mailed) in a really long time, and i haven't even read her site lately because i can't seem to access it. you know how dreams are like pieces of your memory or something... and the thing is, i've never seen clare in person, much less seen her naked. so the question is, who's body was my brain using when i was picturing her naked? *ponder* dude. it's SUPERcold at night in my room (i always keep my windows open). almost cold enough for me to think twice about sleeping naked. almost. |