| 14 nov 2001 "the thing about love is... it's a game where you can lose by not playing..." well, i've got an interview tomorrow (with some no-name startup) and better yet, an interview with cisco on monday! funny thing, though, the woman who told me cisco wanted to see me never sent an e-mail, so i have no idea when or where it is... i hope she gets back to me, or else this excitement is for nothing... i was supposed to have lunch with my former manager today, but he called me up and told me something else came up. so i went to my chiropractor first, and i called up adam. we had lunch at tung kee, which was actually kinda gross. i know he probably liked his noodle soup thing, but mine had some nasty-ass meat that i have no idea where they got it. the only thing i really like about tk noodle is their hot sauce, and i had plenty of it. afterwards, i went home and took a nice dump. and before i succumbed to my food coma, adam called me again, and i went over to his place again and hung out with him and eric, who was down in the area for a rehearsal for his performance tomorrow night at stanford. i didn't say much when we were hanging out at adam's. i mainly watched adam and eric interact. you can kind of see the fact that there's history between them; they're comfortable and stuff around each other. i admired them for the fact that they're geeks. (and that's meant to be a nice compliment.) and they have lots of cool toys. and they have skills and interests. which is something i feel pretty lacking nowadays. i kind of chuckled a bit when i realized that all three of us were without steady jobs. yet, i just felt a bit different because unlike the other two, i kind of need a job. adam and eric seem to be comfortable to be without the security of a 9-5 placement. in my case, it just scares me and throws me completely off-kilter. i seem to be lacking something here. i guess for some weird reason, i'm just not at ease with my life being wide open with possibilities... i need a kind of routine that i'm familiar with. i'm just not as adventurous-minded as the other two. i got my severance check today. *sigh* the last check i'll ever cash from vivace. it was for a decent lump of cash, but it also means starting now, i'll be watching my savings burn up without a refill as long as i don't have a job. it's like starting off a timer that counts down to being completely impoverished. ----- so in my current crushless phase, i'm reminiscing about a certain thing... the taiko crush. it's probably a well-known fact that it's easy to develop crushes on people when they're in a common group or club or something. and stanford taiko was no different when it came to being a close-knit group that spawned infatuations and even couples. and for the past year or so, i've been trying to distill exactly what makes the taiko crush special compared to similar stuff that comes up from other groups. i mean, like other group activities, being in taiko means that you spend a lot of time with the group members. all the hours spent practicing, sewing costumes, making posters, building drums, going to group dinners, warming up in random rooms at performance venues, manning tables while selling tickets... all that means a lot of conversation with other people and a good chance at getting to know them pretty well. there's a certain kind of bond that develops between taiko players in a group, especially if they've been performing together for a while. i used to love watching couples play together, because you can practically see the chemistry on stage. good taiko demands a certain kind of harmony among the participants, like a feeling of being in sync with what the other person is doing and expressing. and that brings people closer. i think one of the things about taiko is that it brings out a person's spirit, so to speak. at least the good taiko players. my friend sonya (who was in the group with me) said that when people play, they "shine." when a person plays, his happiness and energy and attitude and grace and discipline and all sorts of other good stuff come forth for everyone to see, and it can be an awe-inspiring display of personal goodies that can really make that person attractive and even endearing. in this way, taiko can be a very intimate activity, and participating in the group allows you to see this personal side of people up close. so i don't know i've expounded all i want on the taiko crush. all i know is that it was something that was very prominent during my years in the group. in some silly way, i think the stanford taiko experience wouldn't be complete without having one such crush. and one burning question you guys may have is who i was crushing on. *laughs* i'll just say that i have eight of them. yup. eight. and i'll leave it at that. ----- ok. that previous section was part of an assignment i gave myself a long time ago. i've been meaning to write about this taiko crush thing since late 2000, but i could never find the words. i mean, it's really just about feelings and closeness in an intimate group, and i just think it's really difficult to solidify in text. that was my best try at this moment, so i'll just give myself a big *phew* and be done with it. um. hm. i spent a lot of time today with people in my company, so i guess it was a pretty good day. after i got back from adam's, i logged on and checked my e-mail and chatted with will a bit before deciding to meet him for dinner. when will's girl called, he actually got up and left the restaurant and talked to her outside on the sidewalk. i think he did it out of courtesy, which was fine, but i'm ok with having people be on cell phones in front of me. some people say it's bad etiquette, and people should treat talking on cell phones like smoking, i.e. you wouldn't do it in any place where smoking is prohibited. but i guess i just wanted to be nosy and see how will interacted with his girl. hee hee. he actually said he doesn't feel like he can say what he wants to say when people are around, which makes me wonder if he's like lovey-dovey or saccharine sweet. ha! so the job search is looking better. meaning at least i seem to have prospects now. still, i'll feel better when i have an offer, and even better when i have an offer from a company i believe in. right now, i'm still dreaming of a super-hyped well-funded startup with brilliant and nice people, AND in a good location with nice perks like free sodas and dinners and stuff... but man... i wonder if that's just a little TOO much to ask for right now. *sigh* i swear, it's like online dating or something (not that i've tried online dating), but it just seems like i have some gripes about every single company that i'm looking at right now. picky picky. ok. time for a _seinfeld_ rerun and off to the unglorious task of watching _dawson's_. poo. |