| 1 nov 2001 *sigh*� november is usually my favorite month of the year.� but the more i think about it, i have no idea why certain months are designated by me to be better than others.� it's completely arbitrary, you know? shiiiite.� kim blew his save again!� it's ridiculous... he has one more out to go in the ball game, and he fucked it up the 2nd night in a row by giving up a 2-run homer.� tonight, jay was all resigned to the yankees losing, but once brosius his home run, jay went nuts.� he started jumping up and down, all around the living room, yelling and screaming.� it was pretty cool to see him so animated.� i guess he really loves his yankees. hm.� it's really hard to write while the tv's on. i applied for unemployment today.� although i had to do it through the mail, so i think it'll kick in much later.� but the number i called said they had reached the maximum number of callers, so they just cut me off.� bastards.� so i did my application over the web, printed it out, and drove to the post office to drop it off. my tics are getting worse.� i can tell that i'm more stressed because of this whole jobless thing.� ARGH. hm.� anything else?� oh.� go to amabelle's site to see some pics of our lucy's trip.� i'm glad we met up.� it's been a while since we all got together.� i was kinda surprised that amms arranged it, because i hadn't seen these people in a group in a long time.� i thought we were kind of done.� heh.� but anyways, i liked the fact that we didn't just play games or anything... we just chatted and stuff. i gotta get psyched for my trip to oakland tomorrow.� i know it's not empirically much of a big deal, but i've never drive myself to oakland before.� plus, i've heard parts of it are kinda ghetto, so i just don't want my car broken into or anything.� silly noriko.� i kept telling her that i needed her to e-mail me her address, and she still forgot!� so i called her up, and she said in her spacy manner... "oh.� yeah.� i was supposed to do that, huh?" eww.� i just yacked.� of all things to puke, i'd figure that a jamba juice smoothie would be the last to go because it's so healthy!� i usually puke greasy stuff that'd get sick if i eat too much of it... but jamba juice!� it's just fruity goodness! anybody else tried coke with lemon?� we have a bunch of room-temperature cans of this stuff, and i think it would be good if it were regular coke.� but this is diet, so you get a weird lemony diet taste.� kinda gross. ok.� i got a writing assignment yesterday, so i'm gonna talk about strength.� or rather, weakness.� you know those people who are happy all the time?� or they try to be chipper and inspirational and stuff, but you just wonder, "dude, are you ever DOWN?"� i mean, like a friend of mine says, everybody has issues, and you just have to wonder about people who seen like they're 100% aok with life. so a person can argue that keeping all the sad stuff down is a sign of strength.� that they don't want to let their emotions out in the public, because that's a sign of weakness.� and i'd agree that in general, people are kind of turned off by weakness.� BUT.� my point here is that it takes more strength to open up to people.� and i really believe that.� i've known people who try with all their might to maintain a "strong" image... but ultimately, it's a sign that they're too weak to open up to others and let them into their personal world. what else to say about this matter?� *shrug*� i feel sad for people who feel like this.� because i think it might come down to the fact that they think others don't care.� or others wouldn't want to hear about their problems.� and that makes me feel frustrated and angry.� i think people in general (especially good friends) are more than willing to help a person with some problems, and most importantly, just to listen. so is it due to an insecurity?� a lack of feeling of self-worth?� i think so.� i think every person has the right to air out his problems.� it's a common right that we all have.� and we people who are figures in that person's life have the responsibility to listen and to help.� i've always said that one of my favorite topics to talk about is problems.� because i think the topic cuts straight to who a person is and what's important to that person.� heh.� but anyways, i do think that it takes more strength to open up and be REAL than to just hide it away behind a guise of happiness. uh.� this isn't the dissertation i was expecting to write.� yeah.� the tv's still on.� the yankees won again.� sheesh.� that kim dude just fucked things up.� get rid of him! they say the bridges in the bay area are gonna be targetted.� i wonder about this balancing act of warning people vs. not making them panic.� i mean, how do you deal with terrorist threats?� on one hand, you want people to be careful, and to possible avoid hot spots for potential attacks, but then again, you don't want to shut down the city.� *shrug*� i wonder how much the government agencies really know, and how much they're seeping out.� like all that bin laden evidence.� my guess is if they let us know how they got the evidence, we'd all be pissed because of the means in which it was obtained. i went to teralogic to play basketball.� it was a bad scene because i turned up totally late.� william called me at 11 to confirm that i'd be there at noon, but i went back to sleep.� when i woke up, i lookd over, and it was 12:30!� *sigh*� but anyways, i told the people there that i was laid off, and several people suggested that i could come back to teralogic.� you know, as bad as a move that would be for my career (since the company is sort of on the decline), i have to admit that the more desperate i'm getting, the more i'm considering it.� help! one thing that's bittersweet is that people at vivace have e-mailed me and told me that i was a good engineer.� and some of them are helping me in my job search and giving me leads.� and that makes me feel like i did some good work at vivace.� and on the downside, it just makes me feel really sad that they let me go.� so yeah.� bittersweet.� hrmph. *sigh*� today just came and went.� nothing to report.� somebody give me a fucking job.� i'm getting ancy. |