| 22 may 2001 first things first... i was carpooling with my friend steve to play basketball during lunch, and i noticed something weird about his BMW... his gas tank guage has three numbers on it... 0 for empty, 1/2 for half empty... so far, so good... but 1/1 for full!� what the fuck!� why the hell do they need that redundant fraction to stand for 1??? strange.� i noticed that his car has many more buttons than mine.� i don't like the layout of BMW's.� japanese ergonomics and design is just the shiznit, you know?� well, not all japanese cars... just hondas and toyotas. ----- for the first time in the seven years i've known karen, i'm bugged by her.� she sent me two ultra-curt e-mails yesterday.� i mean, they were like one-liners.� and not that i harbor on her every word or anything, and not that i expect her to write treatises every time she blitzes me... but her tone was just very brusque.� and i don't think i'm taking it very well. i mean, we had a really good conversation sunday night, and i e-mailed her two of the URL's to my journal entries she was interested in... anyways.� i didn't really like her replies/comments.� and i usually save her e-mails, but for the first time, i deleted an e-mail from karen.� yeah.� sent it to the trash and emptied the bin. harrumph.� i guess i'm just frustrated by the distance.� there is nothing worse than knowing that you like a girl, but being able to do anything about it.� because of a roadblock called distance.� what can you do?� nothing.� so fuckin' futile.� yuck.� bleech. ----- i feel guilty.� about not doing any work.� i haven't done anything useful for a week and a half now.� just sitting at the desk surfing the web.� i know there's a ton of stuff out here on the web, but most of it's really boring crap.� and i'm tired of surfing all the online journals out there.� i'm getting really apathetic, you know?� i mean, i have my daily dose, and that's all i really need right now... i don't really feel like keeping up with dozens and dozens of people... i just pick the writers that interest me and go from there. but yeah.� web surfing can get really boring.� i wonder how i managed in japan, when for three months, my life was like this.� i mean, i did nothing but peruse websites.� i had like a huge list of bookmarks, and i just went down one by one every day over and over again.� i don't think i could do that any more. so either i haven't found the really good websites, or i'm just numb to the passive non-interactive content that's out there.� or maybe, worse yet, i've lost interest in everything.� oh dear.� i hope not. ----- here's a pseudo-snobby thing that i do... for online journals and such, i really want to see pictures of the authors.� you know how i like to connect a site with a face and all that.� but anyway, the point is this... if i don't like the picture of the person, or think the person is unattractive to me, then i immediately lose interest in the site. *cringes* am i not a HORRIBLE being?� who am i to judge a person's work based on his or her looks?� shit.� i should smack myself silly for that, but i can't help it.� i mean, i treat a website kind of like the way i treat people.� i judge them on their looks as well as their brains/personality.� it's just that looks are much quicker and easier to go on... all i need is a glance, and i can decide whether the person is visually interesting to me.� the content is even more important though; i just skip websites that don't offer anything that draws me in... it's just that it takes a little more effort to judge content because i actually have to read and stuff. ugh. i feel really bad.� but i do like photogenic people.� but hey... i don't discount the quality of material, either.� i guess my standards are kind of high.� shit.� i feel like a snoot.� how terrible of me. wow.� i was wondering earlier today whether i was going to reveal this in my journal.� i'll probably get some shit for it.� hell, i'm giving myself shit for it. but anyways, this IS my journal, so i'm going to talk about what's on my mind. c'est tout. ----- another moment of self-aggrandization... a few months ago, some of my friends and i went to stacks, this pancake house in san mateo.� it was like a posse of young people straight out of an asian abercrombie and fitch catalogue, sans nudity: alan, me, jay, peter, rainbow, steph, and mark.� anyways, this old caucasian man came over and told us how good-looking we were as a group. so, after hearing that, i kind of felt all proud and beaming for a second.� i was thinking, "hey!� he thinks we're all like really photogenic and stuff!� we're one of the beautiful people!" yeah.� it's pretty awful, isn't it?� but it isn't very often that i hear such compliments, so i guess i let it go to my head those rare times. ah... nothing like vanity to bloat a head. |