| 15 may 2001 ugh.� not surprisingly, i have food coma again.� nearly passed out in my cube.� i scarfed down a rather large wet burrito after playing basketball.� what's a wet burrito?� they take a regular burrito, add chili sauce and cheese on top, and nuke it in the microwave.� you eat it with a knife and fork.� it's blissful. ----- dreamlog: i had this dream this morning that kept me paralyzed.� it was a good sort of paralysis. basically i was shooting a film of some kind, with that los angeles girl on last night's _ally mcbeal_ episode.� we had to do a love scene, but i didn't feel like i was drawn to her, so i had a lot of acting (i.e. pretending) to do.� so when the director said, "action," i grabbed her, threw her against the wall, and started making out with her fervently.� lots of tongue.� big sloppy wet kisses.� she wasn't a really good kisser, but i just kept going until the director yelled "cut."� apparently he liked the take. so then i wake up, and all i can see is the _ally_ girl's face.� for like an hour.� i couldn't get rid of the image.� i guess she's cute in an innocent look type of face.� but my brain seemed stuck on her image, and i couldn't kick it out of my mind.� hence the paralysis. i finally dragged myself out of bed to kickstart some new thoughts and fixations, so i wound up getting to work at 11am.� yeah.� half an hour earlier than my usual time.� maybe i should get some more of these dreams to motivate me to get to work early. naked dreams rule. ----- the radio is always on in my car when i'm driving.� and i feel like it's a waste of time to listen to commercials instead of songs.� but one thing that disturbs me is that when the radio station gets into a commercial break, i don't notice it until quite a few commercials have passed.� am i really not paying attention to what i'm listening to?� do i go into a zone of zombie state when i'm driving?� it seems pretty dangerous, the fact that i'm driving, and i don't have an immediate grasp of what is going on around me. there are some times when i'm a really bad driver.� i get these phases sometimes.� like when i don't even realize that the stoplight is red, and i blow right through the intersection.� or when i shift, but don't look because i think i'm using the force or something for my extrasensory awareness.� those times i realize the crazy shit i've done in my car, i get this shiver and hot flash in my body, and i just thank some deity up there for not letting me get into a horrendous accident due to my being a total dumbass. my favorite radio song of the late is incubus's "drive."� every time i hear it played on the radio, i turn it up and sing along.� not that i know all the words.� i know the chorus, and the times when he says "water over wine."� whatever that means.� i bought the album (a hefty $18.99 plus tax), but all i listen to is "drive" on track 8.� what a fuckin' waste.� sometimes i think i should just buy a cd-burner and hook up with napster.� but i really think that we should pay for our music.� i don't like the idea of just taking a band or artist's stuff without acknowledging through a payment of some kind.� it really is like stealing. ----- i was not happy with _ally mcbeal_.� in the case of this show, reality has influenced the fictional world.� like when joey broke his arm/shoulder on _friends_, and the writers had to write it into the script.� or when _frasier_ and _friends_ had to accomodate daphne and phoebe's pregnancies. in this case, robert downey jr.'s fuckup with drugs (poor guy can't control himself) resulted in larry and ally breaking up.� i think it would have been beautiful to see ally happy for once in a perfect relationship, but damn.� so larry leaves by leaving a note?!� "i love you.� goodbye."� that's it?� shit.� i know his character is bad at goodbye's, but this episode seemed uneven and forced.� larry's leaving was just too sudden. that's just too bad.� i liked seeing those two nuzzle on screen. ----- i've been re-evaluating my taiko future.� it seems more and more unlikely.� because i doubt that i'll be able to retire in a few years (duh).� and i'm not getting any younger.� last night, i _almost_ (that's the key word) resigned myself to a lifetime of engineering.� how fucking sad. emi told me that shoji basically wants a group that "furthers the art of taiko."� that's a hefty mission!� and a mission that i don't know if i can contribute in.� i mean, i love playing and all that, but the artistic seed in me has all but left me.� i'm all about modern mass culture.� i wrote a taiko song last summer, "popscene: baker and gallagher."� and yup, it's a pop song.� nothing deep or esoteric. makes me wonder.� if i'm capable of anything extraordinary.� i'm so used to coasting on my natural talents that i rarely have truly applied myself and worked hard at something.� ah.� yuck.� i have being all pathetic and stuff.� i just know that it takes (will take) something absolutely fabulous to get me motivated to do something.� so far, there are only two such "fabulous" entities: taiko.� and love. ----- hello you people!� i'm over 1000 hits now!� that may be measly peanuts for you peeps with beautiful well-known long-established sites, but for little new me, it's a landmark! |