| 9 may 2001 so no word on karine's thoughts. i guess i could call her up, but whatever... i'm not sure she would want to talk to me anyway, and i'm both too lazy and too apathetic to bother. last night, during my nightly 11pm post-sportscenter pre-daily show smoke, i was thinking about the fact that both the writer and reader of an online journal have to accept some certain issues surrounding this medium. first, the writer has to realize that he has the power to affect others with his writing, since it is both potent in its personality and public in its presence. (how's THAT for "p" alliteration, huh?) and the reader has to accept the possibility that there may be stuff that can offend and alienate. just some precautions, i guess. i'm growing more and more aware of the issues of this form of expression. i guess awareness and responsibility are keys here. some of my friends remarked that there was stuff in there that they didn't really need to know. well... i guess that's just too bad, then. but really, in reverse, i wouldn't mind knowing all the tiny little details of my friends. at least, now i say that, and i do think that i mean it. i care a lot about my friends, and it's just that i don't have time to find about all about them. but i'd like to. why (or when) is it that we want to stop finding out stuff about people we know? is there a conception of "i've had enough of these revelations" when it comes to personal knowledge? who or what in society creates this limiting construct? are we afraid that we have gotten so close to someone that it makes us uncomfortable? anyways... i have a deep-seated need to be heard and understood. and i like understanding others as well. the grand theory is probably that we are all looking to feel less alone in this world, and one way by doing so is to find others that think like us, or at least can identify with what we say and feel. which reminds me. one of my favorite quotes is on the back of my cowboy junkies concert t-shirt during their _pale sun, crescent moon_ tour of 1994... "is it better to have words left unsaid than to have words misunderstood?" i'd take the latter. at least then i have a chance at explaining myself. but both are frustrating as hell, though. ----- an hour ago, i was suffering through the worst food coma i've had in a while. yeah. it's getting to sound like a broken record, but i had indian food. for lunch. damn. someone remind me to not do that again when i have work to do. shit. i staggered back to the office and put my head on the desk and snoozed for a bit before i even tried standing up again. that massive meal was preceded by three 11-point basketball games in the vivace parking lot. it was hot out there. i had my shooting streak going, and i think i came across as being a better shooter than i really am. i guess basketball is a high variance game when it comes to me. i got stuffed a few times, though, and that definitely is a deflating thing to experience. *yawn* i'm heading off an an hour to sign my new lease! yeah, but not it's as exciting had i gotten the beautiful place in mountain view or the neat place in downtown palo alto. part of me feels like it died because i doubt i'll ever get the opportunity to live off of university ave. being a suburbia boy, university was the most urban i was comfortable being; close enough that there would always be something interesting going on, and far away enough that i could have my peace and my space. *sigh* i am experiencing regret. shit. ----- eric says that i have an air of mysteriousness. partly because i don't have any pictures of me up (yet). is that really true for you others who are reading this? i had no intentions whatsoever of being kind of shrouded in mystery! i mean, the whole purpose of putting my thoughts and ideas online is so that people can know me better! talk about ironic... as for pictures... i'm just horrible at taking self-portraits. they never come out quite like i want them to... and i hate the idea of buffing my friends to snap photos of me. so i'm at kind of an impasse right now. i've definitely got some ideas for cool scenarios i could put myself in, but i just don't have the resources (i.e., an extra dardy) around to make it happen. but i'm trying... ----- yesterday was my first 50-hit day. not that i pin my self-worth on how many hits i get each day, but i'm glad that there are signs that i have people reading this stuff. i would definitely like to know who all of y'all (pardon my texan slur) are, but i am pretty familiar with the fact that most people who lurk around on other people's websites are generally not-so-inclined to let the writer know who they are. i accept that. but i'm still itching with curiosity. |