| 3 may 2001 today was a good day. so i marked this entry as "notable" even before i decide that it's going to be a good one. karen e-mailed me back today. yup. karen. as in my girl of destiny. i was inspired to write her a letter a few weeks ago, telling her that i still think of my future with her as a foregone conclusion. yup. i may be massively delusional, but i think that highly of her and not just that... but also of the way she fits into my life. a life with her would make me happy. complete. fulfilled. all this, from what? what made me come to this crazy and unfounded conclusion? i dunno. she floated into my life my junior year at stanford, when she sauntered into the a3c ballroom dressed in white. it was for taiko tryouts. she didn't make it, but she made such an indelible impression on me that i started talking to her. mainly through e-mail. i remember one hike together to the stanford dish. ironically, we passed by kristie on our bikes coming back. HA! karen was my initial inspiration to writing pseudo-fiction. heh. i was in japan, and bored out of my mind, i wrote up a little excerpt about karen's future life. it was purely made-up, but apparently it made a decent impression on her and her friends, that she's kept it ever since. i find that flattering. i don't think highly of my writing. i mean, i have a lot to say sometimes, but i don't think i'm skilled or anything at laying letters down. i mean... hell, i'm an EE! no, i'm just being modest, but my writing's really nothing that special. if i believed otherwise, then i would try my career at being a writer. i think the craziest thing karen said about my writing was that it has... cadence. can you believe that? first, of course, i thought, "it's not fuckin' iambic pentameter!" i'm not shakespeare, you know... and then, i thought... hey... everything has cadence. it's like saying music has rhythm. duh. :) but... man. she's heavenly. sadly, though, karen is in houston right now attending med school at baylor university. which puts a crimp on my plans, because med school is not to be fucked with. it's a long commitment, followed by a hellacious residency process which makes me wonder when it will finally be that we'll actually get to try out our lives together. but... she... was instant affection for me. yup. kristie may have been the greatest love of my life so far, but karen... she is my future. and my hopes. and dreams. and everything i want my life to be. so that's some powerful shit, and even though it's just a big vulnerable conjecture, i still hold my wish up on a pedestal. i need something to believe in, and even though i haven't been with someone for over a year, i still look forward to the idea of her. and us. have you ever fallen in love at first sight? while i am leaning towards the impossibility of it all (because i need to really know a person before i love her, but "like" and infatuation is definitely achievable for me), i do believe that instant rapport and a kind of "fitting" kind of feeling can happen at the very first glance. so. i'm kind of waiting. i'm not discounting the possibility of meeting another person (hell no!) but as i am enjoying or wading through (depends on my mood) my single life, i find it refreshing to still have a destination in mind. and for me, that destination looks like karen's radiant smile and soothing voice, with a hint of a southern accent. ----- my housing search started yesterday. i called up a couple of places, and i looked at two/three venues today. one looks not bad. it's on the edge of mountain view and palo alto... not quite near either downtown, as i would hope, but still close enough to campus for me to be happy. we'll see. i've filled out the application, and i'll turn it in tomorrow. my big dream is... a nice, posh house in downtown palo alto. a hop, skip and step away from stanford, and smack in the middle of the affluent and yes, sometimes, boring, mini-town of palo alto. i want a house because i want privacy... no more bumping into strangers in the hallway, like some kind of post-graduation dormitory. that's why i haven't even bothered to check out any apartments... it's all houses, duplexes, townhouses, and condos. yeah, condos are kind of like apartments, but somehow it just sounds different enough to be desirable. i want this to be OVER with. i feel glad that there are actually openings, and what's more, openings that are staying open. i was afraid that everything would be taken. people keep telling me that the housing market in the bay area is going down, but from the prices alone, i can't really tell that. i so wish that time was two years ago, when alan and i found this place that was like $1800 for three bedrooms, a den, a huge living room, right smack in the middle of palo alto. shit, i would have taken that on a heartbeat were it still available today. but then alan decided to move in with his girlfriend rainbow, and i was left all alone to fend for myself. *sniff* so i moved in with coworker paul. i don't want to diss paul, because he's a good guy and all, but i just think it's time for me to move out. i don't interact with any of my roommates, because they all have their MIT friends and such. their lives seem pretty settled down without me. so. a new life awaits come june, *fingers crossed* i just need a place first. and then we'll see what kind of magic a new venue can bring. |