| 19 mar 2001 short entry today. a few minutes away from a new episode of _ally mcbeal_. why do i like the show? because it does an wonderful job of balancing out the cynical and the romantic. on one side is richard fish, who is the ultimate realist and pessimist. money and sex are his only motivational forces. and on the other side is the titular character, who still believes in true love and people staying together forever. and those two sides of sentiment are in me. i classify myself as a cynical romantic. i do believe that relationships serve mainly as a "buffer against loneliness" (to borrow woody allen's _husbands and wives_). yet, i have been so much in love that life just turns into a deafening shade of pink. i love watching calista flockheart (ally) and robert downey jr. (larry) snuggle. it reminds me of how much i love the smell of a girl's hair. right now, i'm single. and that is definite concern of mine, because ever since i was four and fell in love with kathy kohatsu (she had a twin sister, kay, but i liked kathy much more), there hasn't been a day that i haven't been in love with someone. that's a rule. and there are two exceptions: when i lived in japan in 95, and now. i believe that half of my happiness is dependent on another's. so i'm at quite a disadvantage when i'm not with someone, because the most happiness i can achieve is a meager 50%. i believe that people are meant to live in pairs. no wonder my friend jason noticed at dinner today that i called my current life "boring." i must have said that three times during the course of the conversation. to me, life isn't life without a few things: good food good sex good conversation good drama... and making another person happy. "well i never thought that i would be the one to admit that the moon and the sun shine so much brighter when seen through two pairs of eyes than when seen through just one" - cowboy junkies ----- on the way home, i was blasting blink 182's "all the small things." i watched their rockumentary on mtv. multiple times. it made me all mushy and stuff. they're three best friends who play music, skateboard, and eat burritos. together. i'd really like to have that life. except i'd have to learn how to skateboard first. and that is the big hope i have for my life. my current plan is to stop working in this dry boring business of chip design and play taiko professionally with my friends kris and shoji. those two are currently in japan training for the group. and i am doing my part over on this side of the pacific by practicing with san jose taiko. living with good friends. making music. hanging out. eating obscene amounts of food. *sigh* one has to dream, you know. |