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| 28 jun 2001 well. will you take a fucking look at that.� adam's camera takes motherfucking NICE pictures.� SO much better than my pisscrap sony.� yeah, it's a behemoth of a black piece of machinery, but LOOK AT IT!� so sharp! "ah, so good... highest quality!" from the left: me.� oliver.� adam. yup.� dude.� i feel pressure from adam's vastly garrulous ramblings on our meeting last night.� look at all his verbiage!� look at all the pictures of me on there!� and i'm supposed to COUNTER with something comparable in this stripped-down, text-only "oh-i'm-all-about-content" web venue? fuggedaboudit. but anyways, when he e-mailed yesterday about meeting up, i jumped at the opportunity, because as you know, i REALLY want to meet all you online peeps.� granted, i knew adam a little bit from my stanford days, so it wasn't a 100% fresh meeting, but still... i've never really talked to him, so it was effectively total freshness. i got there early (i HATE being late, no offense to anyone who's late, by the way), and i just lounged on the bench outside TK noodles.� as cars puttered by in the parking lot, i scanned each one for adam's long hair.� and i wondered what kind of car he drove.� hey!� look there!� a SAAB!� nope.� not him.� that jeep grand cherokee?� nah... that's probably not his type of car anyway.� so i glanced over at this camry gliding by, and yup.� it was him. he was totally decked out (well, not like like FORMAL gear or anything) but much better dressed than my hilfiger/abercrombie ensemble of slacker clothes.� and damn.� i've already posted up a picture of me in that shirt, so i feel bad for not making a new fashion impression on y'all. so we stood on the curb after shaking hands, and i was like, "where the hell do we go from here?"� "what?� hang out at the mcdonald's in wal-mart?� LOSERS."� and then little printed words from one of amabelle's e-mails flashed across my mind (like that G.I.joe cobra guy who had this marquee thing across his visor)... "lucy's tea house."� yeah.� so we went there.� i drove. i had a bad impression of lucy's because the only time i went there, i got a pmt (pearl milk tea) to go, and it cost like $2.50, and came in this dinky piece of shit styrofoam cup.� but amabelle was like, "no, silly, you go there for the AMBIANCE."� so we sat down and stayed there for like TWO AND A HALF hours.� i wonder if they make any money at that place, with chumps like us hanging out like that. but yeah, we talked about random stuff.� like travelling the world and how much money it would cost.� i figured i couldn't do it... because i love civilization too much.� we talked about a smattering of other topics.� one funny thing was when adam and i both agreed in a hyper way that the new batch of stanford undergrad girls are CUTE.� yup.� i felt like a dirty old man ogling at them.� not that i do it much, but whenever i'm on campus when school's in... yeah, they're pretty hot.� not that i'd want anything to do with them, but it's more of an appreciation thing.� (that's just to cover my ass.) and oh yeah, like adam said, we bumped into oliver.� it was funny, because i saw him on eric's site, and i knew that i'd seen him at stanford before.� and a few weeks ago, i spotted him at shoreline theater, and i was SO tempted go to up to him and say hello.� but damn, what the hell would i say?� i sought advice from my buddy alan, and i was like, "uh... dude... would it be strange if i said hi to someone i only know from seeing a website?"� and he was totally negative about it, and was like, "DUDE.� that's weird.� don't do it." and that was that. so... conclusions about adam?� that won't result in him killing me?� i know you're waiting, adam... heh.� well, he's more adventurous than me.� that whole thing about travelling the world for a year freaks the shit out of me.� as much as an thrill as that would be, i would actually get bored and lonely, i think.� but more personally (and more dangerously), i think he's a ball of repressed fury just waiting to be unleashed.� HAHAHAHA.� no, really.� i think once he finds a true calling (whether it be a new hobby, or a new girl, or something), i think he's gonna fucking explode and get really into it.� like downright dirty and stuff. oh, and i want to see him dance.� in his funky pants. i noticed in the conversation that i gesticulate a lot.� just a random observation. the neat thing about being able to talk to adam for that long is something that kristie once told me.� (NO!� NO!� he's talking about HER again!)� she once said that one of her greatest strengths is being able to connect with anybody and everybody in a conversation.� in her words, "if there's a common bond, i'll find it."� pretty damn confident.� i know i don't have that kind of social prowess, but i just appreciate it when i can tap into someone's mind for a bit and carry a decent conversation. oh.� we talked a lot about other online personalities, like "oh, have you gone to blah.com?" or "do you read x.net?"� i guess since our main relationship is from online encounters, it was just fitting that we'd share our breadth of webhopping.� the thing is, i think i'm more interested in people like eric, adam, amabelle, and lan because i know that i'll actually be able to meet them one day.� and that adds a dose of reality into our e-mails and chats and stuff.� i WANT that dimension.� as much as i like mystery, i think the ultimate goal of being friends and acquaintances is to get as close to the real person as possible. i think adam really has a part of his ego in his website.� which isn't bad or abnormal, really, because even i get a little tingle of satisfaction when people mention me or link me.� adam mentioned how he and eric have talked about what i wrote a few times, and i just find that so flattering.� if i could blush, then i would have done it then.� but really.� i'm trying really hard to have some perspective on this and not take my writing to seriously.� like i've said before, humility is underrated. as a final conclusion, adam needs a woman.� but fuck.� so do i.� so it's not that insightful, i guess. ----- i had a horrible stomachache when i woke up today.� my big theory is that if i sleep without the covers blanketing my stomach, i get massive bowel problems.� shit.� i drove to work feeling like my ass was about to explode all over my leather seats.� i was right, though.� after a big hefty dump, i felt worlds better. WORLDS better. ----- after chatting with eric a bit, some random "stefanie" contacted me on AIM.� it turned out to be my roomie jay's girlfriend.� we chatted for a while about stuff.� like her and jay, me and karine, etc. i guess it turns out that karine talked to her a lot after we broke up.� like she used the PHONE and stuff.� i wonder what that was all about.� she said that karine really wanted to be friends with me in the aftermath, but... i'm sorry to say, and i know it sounds brutal, but i just wasn't interested.� like zilch.� sheer and utter apathy.� and then, suddenly, karine stopped calling stef up.� flatline.� how odd.� reasons for which i'll never know, but you can probably guess that i really don't care about it right now. one thing that really stung was when stef told me that karine was sad because i "didn't value the relationship."� that's total BULLSHIT.� just because i don't care to be friends now DOES NOT mean that she didn't mean the world to me while we were going out.� yes, it is strange, how someone so close can now be a universe apart.� it's actually pretty fucking sad, but that's just how i chose to deal with the end of the dardy/karine saga.� it's no knock on her or her character.� if she wasn't a good person, i wouldn't have gone out with her for four years.� but DAMN.� FOUR years, and she doesn't think it was important to me?� fuck that.� really.� damn.� people should get over thier little insecurities and just take it on faith that my relationships are everything to me. i don't need to justify myself anymore, though.� my days of explaining myself to karine are over.� so i'll stop here. ----- well, this will be the last entry for the week.� which is why i'm writing a SHITLOAD today.� i'm off to LA this afternoon for the dreaded taiko conference.� i'll try my best to have a good time, and if i feel up to it, i'll pull the "E" (extrovert) out of my ass and try to mingle.� i just hope there are some hot women there. jay!� i'm sorry i haven't seen you in the past couple of days!� poor roomie.� he's a doctor, though, you know.� so RESPECT him. i'll catch up with you all later. |
