| 26 jun 2001 FUCK i'm tired today.� probably a combination of a lot of physical activity (golf, taiko, basketball), not enough food in the system (i skipped lunch today, BAD BAD dardy), and sleeping too much (11 hours last night). what to do... today, i had one of those sad shocked moments during tuesday lunch basketball.� i was tired and slouching off on defense, and on the last point, i totally forgot to rotate over to the baseline on defense, and monkey (that's what we call him) scored an easy basket.� my teammate steve (who always gives me shit for playing bad defense) got mad and spiked the ball into my stomach.� i took it very personally, and i had one of those moments of shock, you know, right before you're about to cry when someone does something mean to you. i didn't cry, of course, but i didn't talk to steve for a bit; i thought he was really pissed at me, and i just avoided him.� which was hard to do because we carpooled together, so i had to drive him back.� well, things were forgotten soon after, but i won't forget that familiar pre-crying feeling.� i felt like a kid again or something. last night, i had taiko practice.� i guess my friend dishi wants to get in some shape before the big taiko conference down in LA this weekend.� we did this really long drill, and during it, i just felt really bored.� it's such a bad attitude, but sometimes, when you aren't in the right frame of mind, things just seem dumb. which really concerned me, because i'm supposed to have this PASSION for taiko and all that, right?� well, anyways, i tried to shake it off, and after the drill, i asked dishi to teach us my current favorite song in the stanford taiko repertoire, a song called "zeecha!" then i got into it.� the song is hella go go groovy.� sheer genius.� and not groovy as in danceable (there _are_ danceable taiko songs), but just funky.� especially the first part, which we pretty much learned in its entireity. zeecha! is the one song that i wish i had played while i was with the group.� it's a tribute to the inspiration and passion of my best friend in taiko, luis, who passed away after i graduated.� and that's the reason why i want to play it... as a remembrance and celebration of his genius and spirit.� "zeecha" was the kiai that luis came up with.� it's such a cool word, isn't it? i hate getting back to my place late at night.� there's no parking, and i wound up parking at the opposite end of the complex.� shit.� usually, during the trek back to my end of the condo cluster, i have a cigarette during the walk, and i concentrate on walking back on the sidewalk and avoiding the snails that have come out at night after the sprinklers have gone off. poor jay.� that dude has to wake up at 5am every day to be at the hospital.� he has this alarm that goes off and gradually gets louder and louder.� i heard it this morning, and i rolled over and checked my watch.� yup.� 5am.� damn.� i'm really lucky that i've been able to get away with getting to work at 11am every day.� isn't that INSANE?� i'd get fired if i worked at some normal 9-to-5 company. i'm scared that i'll never be able to work hard again.� it takes a miracle of inspiration to get me going, even on small tasks.� i guess i'm used to being idle for so long... i've completely forgotten what it feels like to put in a good day's work now.� i mean, the few times that i get in that coding zone, i enjoy it, and i feel useful and proud of myself, but they're just so rare now (primarly due to my laziness) that i think that i've carried my couch potato mentality to the workplace. shit.� i just looked over and noticed that someone configured my wooden hand thing into flicking me off.� yeah.� i got this wooden hand from pottery barn (a gift from karine) that has movable fingers and stuff.� the first gesture people usually think of when they play with it is to extend the middle finger.� damn.� i'm getting annoyed with it.� i am NOT amused.� be more original, people! oh.� so there's this new online journaller.� freshly started.� her name is amabelle.� which is an interesting name in itself... i've never known of another girl with that name.� but anyways, i noticed her on adam's page for extra coverage of their beach bbq a while ago.� i think she's buku cute.� oops, i meant pretty, for those of you who are in the anti-"cute" brigade. but anyways, we've e-mailed a bit, and yesterday we had like a two-hour AIM chat.� we talked about random stuff, touching on saint etienne (her favorite song is also "he's on the phone!") and talking for a while on love and relationships, which is like my favorite topic and all.� she's an idealist of sorts, which isn't a bad thing; the world needs more of them.� my personal take is that she needs some more relationship experience to sharpen her perspective on how to make relationships work. i had this weird phobia of cursing during the chat, though, which is weird.� i guess one of my first impressions of her was that she is a "nice" girl, so i kept my vulgarities in check.� which is interesting, because lan IM'ed me later, and the first thing i typed was "it's FUCKING raining here."� :) so yeah.� another bay area journaller.� like all the others, i want to meet her so i can have a more complete image of her persona. but that chat with amabelle and the taiko practice that night converged in a dream i had last night, which was really persistent and quite vivid for a while.� basically, we were in eric's house, and we were practicing "zeecha!", with amabelle leading the way.� and she was just not satisfied with the way we were playing it, so we kept on going... that's all i can remember, though.� but i do remember waking up, and having the dream still go on while i was conscious, and then continuing it when i fell back asleep.� that's what i mean by "persistent" dream. oh.� while both lan and amabelle were IM'ing me, i felt really discombobulated.� i don't think my brain can carry on two chats at the same time.� maybe my brain is still old-fashioned, because i'm sure that these new tykes can carry on multiple online conversations at once.� i was just sitting there, with two AIM windows open, pinging back and forth.� i think my coworker chi-kai saw my screen... i bet he was thinking "dude, you fucking slacker..."� heh. and hm.� oh yes.� for another random picture of me on the web, check out my yahoo profile. all right.� gotta try to get my ass in gear for some coding that needs completing. funny.� didn't feel like talking today, (_this_ close to skipping today's entry), but look at what happened.� *grin* |