| 13 jun 2001 i'm listening to saint etienne's "he's on the phone."� if any of you haven't heard this song before, i strongly recommend it.� unfortunately, the only cd that i know (not that i'm a complete encyclopaedia on st. etienne's discography) that has it is the japanese import, _continental_.� it's pretty expensive. so i was listening to howard stern this morning on live 105.3.� he was making fun of jackie chan, mainly because of his accent.� it's the first time i've been offended by howard stern... he's such an ass; i know that part of it must be his schtick, but he just picks on people for the worst reasons. i'm slowly migrating over my mailing address.� i finally sent in two address change forms for the post office... one for my real name, "cheng-ping," and one for my regular name, "dardy." did you know that i was named "dardy" because those were the first words i said?� yup, i'm a self-monikered person.� i hate "cheng-ping chang" because people used to make fun of me that my name was created by dropping silverware.� not that it hurt, but it _is_ quite a typically chinese name, and it bugs me.� but i do like the way my chinese characters look.� i'm still thinking about the day i'll get over the pain and get my last name tattooed on my left shoulder. i like having jay as a roommate.� he's such a friendly guy.� it's just a little weird sometimes because i've seen him be all chummy with a person, only to turn around and say something like "he's SUCH a tool" behind his back.� but still... cordiality is a good thing. i used to be a pretty bad roommate.� i've said this before, but i just didn't get good practice my freshman year because my roommate mike was never around, and we didn't get along.� so i got my first crack at it the following year with my best friend alan.� i think i was horrible.� but i've gotten better, IMHO. i made my first late night food run in a long time.� it was 11pm, and i felt hungry because all i had for dinner was two slices of pizza.� i hate pizza night at work.� so my stomach was grumbling, and i announced that i was going to the crack (jack in the box).� jay came along, and we wound up driving to the crack near stanford.� well, not the one right by stanford, but a few blocks down from it.� i wound up getting chili cheese curly fries. the reason why i brought it up is because late night fast food runs are just typical of my college days.� it felt nostalgic and reminiscent driving with a buddy to get some munchies at night.� the crack and the smell (taco bell): staples of off-campus college food. "he's on the phone" is on repeat.� yay!� it's a dance mix (although the original song is dancy enough already) on the _casino classics_ remix cd.� if i heard it at a club somewhere, i'd just go nuts.� and flip on my photon microlights and go crazy.� :) oh.� i was going to put up a picture of kristie i found while being bored yesterday... i just started typing in random names of friends in google.com, and i found this picture of the modern-era kristie at some high-powered internet conference.� she was a panelist or commentator or something. she looks... really PROFESSIONAL.� still just as beautiful as ever, but without that silly and light-hearted college edge.� she's like a true ADULT or something.� it's funny, because after we broke up, she wrote me this letter that said that in a way, she'll be "following" me from a distance.� but as it turns out, it's the reverse... i'm the one who's keeping up with her accomplishments (she's got quite a number of published news articles on the web from her correspondence position).� i'm quite proud of her... i think it's something that she's always wanted.� i wish i could tell her that. but yeah, i didn't want to put that picture up.� i thought about it for a while, and i made the judgment.� so sorry.� i wish you guys could see how much she's developed in my eyes.� especially my friends who knew her back at stanford.� i always thought kristie was a little pretentious, trying to be more adult and image-oriented that she really was at the time, but now i think she's finally grown into that persona.� i wonder if i would feel intimidated by her if i met her again.� i was always intimidated by her when we were together, so i guess it would be a familiar feeling. so my friend peter has been reading my journal of late, and somehow he came to the conclusion that i'm going out with karen.� no!� no!� not true!� :)� I WISH.� but no, it's just a wish for the future, and hopefully if everything goes right, i'll get to meet up with her later on this year.� i really want to see us interact for a prolonged period, because i'm convinced that we'd be really good together.� it's one of the few true convictions that i have. well, enough about karen for a while.� i'm sure it's getting tiring now.� i'll just have to see how it all plays out.� it's just that i find waiting to be really hard to do.� i get in that HIBERNATION phase where i just wish i could eat a ton of indian food, fall asleep, and wake up a few years from now and see how my life turned out.� do a little rip van winkle, you know... yes, yes, i know life is more about the journey rather than the destination, and looking back, i always appreciate the road i took to get to where i am.� but i won't deny that there are times when i just wish i could fast-forward my existence and get to a more interesting spot.� even small things, like getting through today and tomorrow so the friday and weekend fun can begin. i talked to karine today, and we're probably going to meet briefly so i can give back this huge industrial microwave oven that she's been keeping at lenox for the past two years.� i'm not terribly worried, because it'll be over quickly, but i just hope that the encounter will at least friendly.� i don't know how she feels about my journal now, but i know that it did alienate her for some time.� i wonder... it must be weird seeing the closely-held thoughts of someone who used to be so close... and when i talked about her and other women, i guess it's just easy for her to evaluate from my words how she fit into my life compared to those other girls. hm.� there are things i've said in this journal that i would have NEVER told her back then.� but karine has to understand that while i was with her, i thought a totally different way than the way i think now.� she was IT for me for the better part of four years, and i mean that.� it's just that now, we're not together any more, and i've spent so much time thinking that i've come to different conclusions about my past and future. truth is temporal.� it's a fact that i've been struggling with for a while now. c'est tout. |