| 5 jun 2001 no picture today. sorry folks! yeah, it's been four straight entries with a pic... but you know, the more interesting stuff happens to me on the weekends. i'm disappointed in my willpower. yesterday, i ran out of cigarettes, so i decided i'd try to stop smoking for a while. i kind of cracked when i remembered that i had some of those exotic nat sherman black and gold cigarettes that i keep for special occasions. i found myself violating the rule of only whipping them out during notablel smokes, and i had two of them; one last night, and one this morning. and then, after i drove back from basketball today during lunch, i decided to stop by safeway and get my usual carton of marlboro lights. damn. my addiction rules me. i hate that. i'm a control freak, and the thought that i can't fight the urge to smoke sometimes really bugs me. it's kind of hard to separate the obssessive habit part of smoking with the chemical addiction; i don't know where one ends and the other beings. like i've said before, my tourette's gives me a little bit of OCD sometimes, and i just have to do some silly ritual-type things sometimes. when i get to work, i always start my day off with a cigarette and a coke. it's been that way for months now. so i rolled into work today, and i found myself with that familiar itch. sigh. i gave in. i realize that when i smoke alone, i actually don't enjoy my cigarette breaks. it's just something i feel i need to do. or have to do. habits habits! i WILL quit someday. funny thing is, i was strongly opposed to smoking my freshman year. there was this beach trip that we made spring quarter that year, and some of the dormmates started smoking. my friend david and i were so offended or something that we just ran off towards the waves and the water. funny reaction. one interesting thing about smoking is that some people are strongly opposed to tobacco, but they're fine with pot. i think that's weird. i do understand that people don't usually smoke a whole lot of pot, and it's usually not a constant daily habit like tobacco. but it's still the same principle, right? the whole thing about being against inhaling nasty smoke into your lungs? hm. i never really got that double standard. emi and shoji's wedding is two weekends from now. i'm really excited. it's going to be a huge taiko reunion of sorts. complete with taiko playing! yup... the current group is going to perform a few songs, and shoji himself is going to play something. and then there's taiko advisor/stanford faculty member steve, who is going to play some of his hawaiian slack key guitar. it's going to be one big talent show. i talked to emi this past sunday, and she's sort of frazzled because the dj kind of fell through. i gather that she REALLY wants some dancing at the wedding, so she's frantically trying to find an alternative for the music. i suggested a big stereo system and getting a few editions of _jock jams_. ha ha. i think there's a lot of pressure on weddings being perfect, or as perfect as possible. it's one huge production. granted, emi's wedding is going to be toned down from all the traditional stuff... no wedding party (like bridesmaids or best men), no gifts... and i like that... i think weddings should be about simply celebrating two people's love and their desire to be together, not all the conventional stuff that's often overemphasized. but still, even in this stripped-down version of a wedding, i guess there still is stuff that causes a lot of stress on the people who are putting it on. i love the fact that emi and shoji were both in taiko together, and they have a lot of friends in common. i always thought that it was kind of weird when the two people getting married had very different groups of friends, so there was this dichotomy in the audience rather than this huge "union" and gathering feeling. like one big happy extended family. oh. i tried on my suit a few days ago. damn. does anyone know if a tailor can ADD two inches on the waist? i doubt it... i really hope the tightness around my waist doesn't give me a stomachache or something during the wedding. that would be awful if i was wracked by pain and suffering during such a joyous occasion. gotta prep my silly juice for the night... i love my suit. it's the first suit i bought for myself. it's very plain... single breasted and navy blue. but it's tommy hilfiger. yup. i was in a huge hilfiger phase back when i bought it, so i was all happy and pleased that i found it. name brands are strange. who gives a shit about a little label? it's just a perpetuation of materialism and status symbols. i don't quite remember when i first got exposure to the whole name brand thing, and i'm a little ashamed to say that i do care who makes my clothes. it all comes from a sweatshop anyway... so... i guess seeing evidence of my own materialism is a disturbing thing. remember members only jackets? the standard garb for techie geeks? well, i had one back in junior high... a maroon one, complete with those trademark shoulder strap button things. when i first started working at teralogic, i noticed that the VICE PRESIDENT of business development had one... and it was TURQUOISE. woah shit. wow. some people should know better. hm. this entry was less than inspired. time to tackle some e-mail replying. so long! |