jun01_01

1 jun 2001

boy.� my left ass cheek hurts.� i did a workshop with stanford taiko last night, and we did this song called "hachijo."� it's my favorite song of all... because it hurts to play it.� as taiko member carol said about me last night, "dardy is a masochist."� yeah.� i love painful taiko.� it makes the whole experience much more visceral.

that picture (sorry... there isn't a larger version if you click it this time) is of ricky (jo-ann's boyfriend) playing a song called "transit" during the spring concert back in april.� so basically, you see that you have to get down pretty low to the ground in order to play the drum.� and that's also similar to how "hachijo" goes... so you can see how it can get pretty strenuous pretty quickly.� hence, my left ass cheek is in major pain today.� and so are my inner thighs.

taiko's quite a workout.� and that's another dimension of the beauty of the art form... it's incredibly athletic as well as incredibly artistic... it's like the ultimate all-encompassing art.� few things can match the feeling of sweat dripping down your face as you pound our groovy rhythms.� very, very satisfying...

last night was the last time i'll see this year's incarnation of stanford taiko.� as people come and go from the inherent flux of a collegiate group, each year has its own distinctive feel to it.� this year, four of the five departing members are seniors, all asian girls.� i got to know each one of them on an individual basis, and i have a place in my heart for each one of them.� they really did a great job being leaders and directors, and i'm going to miss them a lot next year.� in fact, i've wondered if i will hang out with the group at all next year, seeing as these four are my favorite members, and they're going to be gone soon.� which is really too bad, since i am moving to palo alto, and i would be much closer to campus after that.

i am fucking tired.� i woke up at 8:30, which is about three hours earlier than i usually get out of bed.� i had to take my car in for its 18,750 mile checkup.� and hopefully this time they will have flxed the left front blinker.� it wasn't lighting up most of the time, which makes it really dangerous when you're at a stop sign and need to turn left... the oncoming traffic will think that you're going straight, and BAM!� an accident.� so far i've been lucky with that.

oh, and as repetitive as this is, i have to say that i really need to stop pigging out on indian food.� i fell asleep in my cube today after lunch at banjara (only two plates, though), and my boss came in and woke me up.� luckily, he understands the supreme powers of food coma, so he suggested that i get some caffeine before we met to talk about my upcoming project.

i get a chip all to myself!� i spec it out, i code it up, and i test it!� it's ALL MINE!� yes, it's a pretty simple chip, and even though there are some tricky nuances to it, it's kind of a small design, but i'm still pleased that they think i can hack it all by my lonesome.� i've been afraid that my recent showing at work has been less than great, and they were going to stick me on grunt work for the rest of time.

i got some comments about that picture that i put up of kristie and me.� people told me "yeah, she's cute!"

so this isn't about kristie or anything, but i wonder about the use of the word "cute."� tell me if i'm wrong, but some girls really hate the word "cute."� they actually consider kind of an insult, because they'd rather be "pretty."� one prominent example is natalie portman, of _star wars: episode I_ fame and such.� in one article, she says that she HATES being called cute because she thinks that adjective is reserved for puppy dogs or something.

and, the reason why i mention this is because karine and i got into a HUGE fight one time because i told her i thought she was cute.� and she just like exploded or something, because she said that all her life, she's been regarded as pretty, and cute is kind of like a consolation adjective.� or something to that effect.� so i was kind of befuddled, but although i never used that c-word with karine again, i didn't really change.

because to me, cute is quite a compliment.� it's a rarer attribute than pretty.� pretty is an empirical assessment; lots of people have the facial features to be classified as pretty, but cute... it's an extra something, a little nuance that gives someone an attractive edge.� i dunno.� i can't explain it, but if someone has any opinions on this, i'd like to hear them.

it was a pretty hellish fight, that one i had with karine over the semantics of the word "cute."� i remember being in kimball hall at stanford that night, out on the top balcony, and just kicking the metal rail thing out of frustration.� i guess personal connotations of words are hard to get rid of.� they're YOUR meanings, so it's kind of pointless to try to get someone to change your point of view.� quite a futile debate, if you ask me.

so the kristie thing... she's the only girl who i've thought of as a perfect physical specimen.� not that i'm trying to sound scientific or anything, but every thing about she way she looked appealed to me just right.� (she had SUCH the perfect lips for kissing.)� so i think that uniqueness is something that i have a hard time letting go of... the fact that she was with ME, and somehow i just fucked it all up.

so i've spent like a cumulative total of a minute or two twirling my rave lights around.� i feel stupid.� it's one of those that looks cool to spectators, but makes the person doing it feel really dumb.� i mean, it boils down to moving two little lights around you!� i wonder if baton twirlers feel dumb, too... i doubt it, though.� i showed the lights off to rahul, and i told him, "it's for parties!" and he was like, "uh..."

sigh.� it's friday, and this is the first time in a long time i'm so not looking forward to the weekend.� because all it's going to be is driving back and forth from my house to the new place, and tedious packing and moving big heavy boxes to and fro.� it's such an unconstructive waste of time, moving is... the only tiny consolation is that the weather is not going to be as hot this weekend as it was a few days ago.� no, i take that back.� that's no consolation for the pain-in-the-ass headache that is called "moving."� i hope i stay at this place for at least a few years.� in the meantime, i'm going to try to make another effort to go through my stuff and trim down my possessions.

wish me luck...