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| 28 jul 2001 "don't touch my gonads!" so those are two of my good stanford buds: alan on the left, and my roommie jay on the right.� just WHAT is jay doing?� why DOES alan have that face?� heh.� click on the picture to find out just what a bunch of nasty-ass, raunchy, sex-on-the-brain people we are.� if you don't know what we're doing, then go ask your mom.� if you're offended, then that's just too bad. we took this rare shot of the three of us together at my housewarming party last friday.� i have some vague memories of getting our picture taken, but alas... the vodka and tequila and all that was already starting to fuck up my system. had jack been there in this picture, it would have been our little foursome that did the striptease to the divinyl's "i touch myself" in the aasa slave auction that we volunteered for during our freshman year.� my favorite anecdote from that was that kristie took a few pictures of the actual event, and i happened to be in smack dab in the center of every picture.� (we weren't going out yet.)� but it was a clear subconscious sign that she was focused on _me_.� i thought it was cute.� later, after we got together, i confronted her about the issue, and she got all cutefully embarrassed about it.� *swoon* i'm listening to the brahms sextet mp3 that eric mailed me.� i'm not very familiar to chamber music or any of that... my classical music background was piano (9 years of it), so my enjoyment is usually derived from piano solos or piano concertos.� i did play cello for one year, though, so i got a taste of how it is playing an instrument with other individuals and stuff.� but not much.� it was in 9th grade, and i just picked up the cello because i needed a unit for satisfy my art/music requirement. but anyways, today, i headed over to tower and picked up a cd of the brahms piano quartet, opus 60, that apparently eric and amms are gonna play.� is that right?� they're going to play that piece?� *shrug*� anyways, it was something to get in my little flurry of errand-running today.� i picked up some medicine to take to japan (nyquil and robitussin), that brahms cd and a depeche mode singles compilation, a jamba juice w/immunity boost (jay swears by it), a bottle of tapatio hot sauce, and a burrito from my favorite place (la bamba).� it was a lot of unsexy-purchases which involved driving short distances to buy singular items.� kind of a pain the ass. it'd be cool if my piano didn't suck ass.� maybe _i_ could play the piano part in the brahms thing!� nah, i'm just kidding... i was nowhere close to being a piano virtuoso.� although... i _did_ win competitions without practicing!� ha!� i know i could have been like supergood at piano had i applied myself.� just like the way i am with everything else... sharp natural learning curve, quick and premature plateau due to the fact that i'm fucking lazy.� i think i'd be really scary (in a good way) if i found something that i really really wanted to do.� that's not saying much, but... still.� i wonder. i saw _pota_ (planet of the apes) yesterday.� it was entertaining.� the thing that was cool for me was that since i've seen various _pota_ pre-release specials, i know all the actors who were underneath all that ape makeup, and it was nice knowing who was actually playing them.� tim roth did a really good job with the general thade, and i thought that the gorilla played by the japanese dude from _rising sun_ looked really cool.� asian gorilla!� neat-o! but besides that, i haven't been in a good mood lately.� i feel kinda empty, i guess.� i wonder if it's the impending two weeks of figurative solitude i'm going to face.� no, i'm not travelling alone, but in a lot of ways, my mind will be basically by itself... none of the familiar things will be there to occupy my mind... liking talking to my friends, writing in my journal, chatting with the journalling peeps, or even work... i guess i'm afraid of the solitude and desolation in confronting the vast expanse of mental nothingness while i'm out there. i'm really paranoid, aren't i?� after all, i've lived in japan for half a year already, so it won't be as much of a culture shock for me.� and i _am_ going to be able to hang out with emi and her sister gwen, right?� but still... it's just such a vast contrast for my current daily routine here in the bay area... i think that i've grown to really like my routine for once, and it's a shame that i have to stop it for a while.� usually i welcome my vacations because i'm not feeling satisfied with my mundane life, but this time... i think i was starting to enjoy my life.� hrmph. i guess back when i planned this trip, i just figured i'd really _want_ it.� i thought i'd be burned out by work, bored with life, and this would add some pep into my system.� but it just didn't turn out that way. bad attitude, bad attitude!� *slaps self*� i'm spending buku bucks to go on this trip... i better go find myself some happy pills and pop some of those bad boys in my system. i wonder if we humans do have our individual tendencies.� whether we have a "core" nature that we would revert back to if we were free of external influences.� wnat a concrete example?� ok.� basically i'm wondering if i was holding back kristie and karine by going out with them... whether i was forcing them somehow to compromise their tendencies.� because after we broke up, they basically both changed a lot.� they seemed a lot more free.� kristie delved into the cool hip pretentious scene of writers and artists and filmakers.� karine just became, well, even more social and more of a fashion victim. and that just makes me think... if these are anything resembling their true natures, then how the hell did i fit in there once upon a time?� did they not have any idea who they were?� and how i totally did NOT mesh with their future personas? i know that we can be "nutured" into being certain types of people.� i think that we humans are quite malleable in that respect.� however, i wonder... if nobody were there to guide us or change us... would we just devolve back into a certain state that is dictated by our inherent "nature?"� ah.� n v. n.� this is an old argument.� but i was just reminded of it today when i popped by eric's las vegas updates and saw pictures of karine.� i just don't recognize her anymore. well, i'll probably have an update tomorrow, before i leave.� until then... |