| 24 jul 2001 "-is it all right for a girl to go to bed with a fellow, if he doesn't love her? -no... unless it's me" it's weird, because when i talk about what amms writes, i don't know if you guys know about it, because she password protected her site. but go ahead and ask her for a password! i think she's pretty open about it... she just has to keep out the "rif raf" as she puts it. she mentioned that i signed off our chat yesterday by saying "you distract me too much." dude. it's a GOOD thing! just in case you didn't figure that one out. talking to her keeps me in good spirits, and right now, when i'm sick, good spirits is in great demand to keep me sane. i just want to be able to talk to her in person as animatedly (is that a word?) as i do online... i haven't developed as good of a live relationship with these online peeps as i would like. it takes time, i know. i'm just being really impatient. i keep having to remind myself that friendships take a little bit of time to evolve. my head's not in the cloud that it's been in recently, so i'm glad about that. but i'm still puking up massive amounts of phlegm that has settled in my stomach... i wonder how i go about preventing all that nasal drip from winding up in my stomach... it makes me feel really nauseated. hm. last night, i listened to jay get up at 5am. he went down, and i think his car stalled, because he had to do the ignition thing twice. then he came back up, and finally he left. for some reason, i got like a cold for about 20 minutes, where i was just constantly blowing my nose into heaps and heaps of tissue. (thank goodness i had a box of kleenex by my bed.) i couldn't sleep, so... when all else fails... NYQUIL. yup. i pounded a shot of that cherry-flavored miracle syrup, and WHAM-O! i was out in like 10 minutes. amazing. i wonder if it's psychological. either way, i always make sure i have nyquil around somewhere. hm. what to talk about today... nothing much has happened in the last 24 hours... the only fun thing i did yesterday was chat with amms. i went home at 3pm after signing off AIM, and i just went to sleep... i got up at 9:30 to watch the end of ally mcbeal and to catch up on the WWF happenings (which i won't bore you with. he he), and went back to sleep until 10 this morning. so basically i've done nothing in the past day. i feel hella guilty for getting jay sick. i can hear him coughing and hacking up stuff. and he actually has to WORK during the day, and get up at like 5am and stuff... so yeah. i feel really bad. i just take comfort in the fact that jay's a doctor, so he knows how to handle his own illnesses. thank goodness for that. i'll let you guys in on a little secret. you know that chest pain i've been talking about? about how i've pulled a couple of muscles in my ribcage? it's because of me. and my tourette's. i had (still have) this wheezing tic where i just exhale really forcefully. it sounds like i'm dying or something. and i tense up my entire body, and i guess i was doing it so intensely that i pulled my own chest muscles! the right one still hurts, after a week and a half, and now i've injured another muscle in my left ribcage. there. so now you know. some people have asked me how i did it, and i just replied, "i dunno" because i was kind of embarrased about tellling them it was from my TS. but i just figured it's time to come clean about that. that's the worst thing about TS. (well, the second worst). injuring myself. i used to have a sniffling tic, and i would sniff uncontrollably so much that i gave myself nasal infections. and like my neck tick... i caused a lot of damage in my cervical vertebrae. shit like that pisses me off that i got stuck with this stupid fucking disorder. and the worst thing about TS? bothering other people. i makes me really upset that other people get distracted from their mundane lives by my outrageous tics. it embarrasses me to no end, and that's why i get all anti-social sometimes. because i just don't want to deal with them seeing the nasty crazy thing that i've got. i wonder, though... i started getting worse tics (and illnesses) after i stopped going to my chiropractor. i wonder if seeing him really helped then. it's like one of those circumstantial things... i stop, and this happens, etc., so there's really no proof... but still... *ponder* too bad my insurance cancelled their financial assistance with my chiropractic visits. maybe i should try harder to get them to understand why i need to keep going. it's a maintenance thing, and i don't think that many people understand that. yes. chiropractic is a maintenance alternative to health care. sigh. what to eat. jay says "liquid foods." so yesterday i bought six cup o'noodles, five cans of soup, and three bags of ramen. but i'm crazing some MEAT. last night on tv i saw an ad for the extreme bacon/cheese whopper. hm. burger king is just down the street. yikes. it may be a foregone conclusion that i'll be having that for lunch today. i hope i keep the food down, though. when i saw karine the other day at eric's place, i made a silly offhand comment that i was bulimic because i've been puking so much. she said, "how ironic." heh. you might not get the joke, but i'm not going to explain it. :) it's just between karine and me. oh, and when we first went out for a smoke, she said, "small fucking world." no shit. ha! two nights ago, i had my final sunday conversation with emi. i'm really gonna miss talking to that girl. it pretty much developed out of nowhere... but we just started calling each other every sunday night just to chat, and soon it became one of my favorite events of the week. sigh. alas. she's leaving for japan (we're going together with her family), and she's gonna stay there with her new husband shoji... so... shit, man... it's the end of an era! i'm kind of sad about it. she's such a cool cat. i was talking to amms yesterday about how when all five of us journalists are together, we just go camera crazy. and how i don't really take any pictures when we're all together. i figured out it's because my journal isn't dependent on pictures like the others are. i'm not a PHOTOjournalist... my medium is mainly my words. you can see on my entries that i'll have at most one picture a day, and even that doesn't happen to much. so yeah... that's why i haven't snapped many pics of our outings at lucy's, dim sum, etc. but i'm certainly glad that the other four do, because i like seeing pics of us plastered all over their pages. neat! dude. go read rita's writings. they're called scribblings too! i want every one of us to write a rant. i know eric says he doesn't want to get too personal. i think adam is too nice to rant. and rita wants to make people feel good through her writing. and i think amms would have to be really really pissed for her to let out a public rant. (she's semi-ranted to me before in AIM). so hm. it might be hard to convince them, i guess. but it'd be fun! come on guys... woo-hoo. head is getting a little dizzy. maybe i need food. extreme bacon cheese whopper, here i come! |