| 23 jul 2001 "her boyfriend, he don't know anything about her" rita's coverage of lucy's, the housewarming, and koi palace adam's coverage of vienna teng (extensive) eric's coverage of vienna teng and housewarming/dim sum eric's coverage of lucy's holy shit, man. it's like massive amounts of cross-coverage on this crazy weekend. it may not be "incestuous," but it's still neat to what everyone chooses to say about the events; even though we all experience the same event, we all have different things to say about it. i'm sick as a dog right now. yesterday was pretty bad. i was supposed to go up the city to play golf at like 8am, but when jay opened my door to tell me to get ready, i decided there was no fucking way i'd be able to make it. my brain was just in a really messed up place. and luckily, it's good that i didn't go, because apparently it was really chilly and cold up there... it's almost guaranteed that i would have gotten worse. ugh. it's hard to be chatty and chipper when i feel like shit. but i'll try to keep going. i think there's extra stress on getting better because i leave for japan this saturday. it will be BAD NEWS if i'm out there when i'm sick... because that plane flight will just kill me. oh, and there'd be massive amounts of guilt when i make the others sick as well... it'll just be a disaster of sorts. dr. jay says it's probably a viral infection... i just called a nurse a palo alto medical foundation, and yeah, she said the same thing. so i just gotta take it easy and fight it out, i guess. i don't know how people at the company can work while they're sick... a lot of them do it, which just amazes me, because i don't think i could get anything done in this state. i'm also a little pissed about sick people working, because they invariably get others sick. there's this thing being passed among all the members of my switch team. but yeah! this weird thing happened yesterday morning as i was in my fucked up state. i don't know if was my brain being messed up or what, but my thoughts just turned really dark when i woke up. maybe it was a bad dream. but anyways, i was convinced that "life is pointless. friendship is worthless. conversation is just useless. the world fucking SUCKS." it was REALLY depressing! i was basically kind of in a sickness-induced suicidal depression, which really scared me. so i just stayed in bed until 12:30... in that mental state, there was no point in getting up, right? *shiver* but eventually, i HAD to get up because i was supposed to go to dave and carolyn's engagement party, which started at noon. i got there at 1:30. both their families were there, along with their best friends and stuff. the food was SUPER-yuppie... eggplant caviar (i bet rita's making a grossed-out face), grilled mangos, those fancy red peppers and funky yuppie bread, etc. and the desserts! super posh! wow. those people at that house really know how to whip up some high-class food. there was a toast by the moms of both families, so everyone had champagne, while i just raised up my glass of water. i'm staying AWAY from alcohol for a while. it was really touching, because carolyn just started crying. she's so cute. and then, i got all mushy, too... and i was thinking, "friends and family mean everything. love is what life is all about." quite different from the dark mood i was in this morning, eh? jay and alan (with his girlfriend rainbow) came superlate. they were golfing in the city. so we hung out for a bit, and then parted ways. i think i got jay sick. and i feel just awful about it. i think we should quarantine sick people so they don't spread the disease. i wouldn't mind. but anyways, jay and i just went back to our place and slept until 8. damn. jay sleeps like a fucking rock. i heard his cell phone ring, and i was like, "hm. he must be at the hospital." when in reality, he was sleeping! ha ha. i dragged my ass out at 8 to armadillo willy's for some "texan" bbq. well, not really. i mean, i kinda tastes like texan bbq, but it just... ISN'T THE SAME. if you think armadillo willy's is good, you ain't see NOTHING until you come to dallas, i take you to spring creek bbq or dickey's. shit. that stuff is good. i was feeling uber-crappy, so after i ordered, kate and jeremy convinced easily to change my order to a to-go order, and somebody would just drive me back. but after i ate some of the appetizers, i felt better. i guess i needed some food in my system. oh yeah! dude. i've lost like 7-8 pounds over this weekend! horrible. i'm at 170 now, which is really the weight i want to be, but... this is NOT the way i wanted to get there. ugh. they forgot about my to-go order anyways, and they served it up regularly, so i fought through my nausea and just ate it. sigh. i really HATE being sick. especially during cool social outings like dim sum at koi palace with the online peeps and last night, with 8 of my favorite stanford people. i wish i had this incredible mind-over-matter thing where i could just push aside my illness for a moment and be happy. i swear, some people must be able to do it. but i apparently can't. i was really sad about it! i mean, dim sum on saturday was the last time i'll see the journalling crowd in a while (because of the japan trip), and all i did was sit there with a scowl on my face because of my STOOPID hangover. and last night, it was one of the rare times when a bunch of my freshman year friends get together, and i'm doing the same thing... sitting there like a fucking corpse because of my illness. so sad. i definitely feel like i didn't make the best of my situation. *sob* aye me. bad timing for being sick. bad judgment for drinking so much. i swear, i'm not getting trashed again. i HATE the fact that i had a great time during a rare incident where all of my friends are around, yet... i don't remember much at all from the housewarming party. how pathetic is that? it's just a blur of faces to me. arggh. i guess i'm just really frustrated with life right now. i think my weekend could have been a lot more memorable and enjoyable without the unfortunate circumstances. *frown* ah well. i still have japan to look forward to. if i can get over this illness early this week, i think i'll be a lot happier. if not, then i'm fucked. oh yeah. one last thing. ever since the vienna teng concert, i canNOT get "momentum" and "gravity" out of my head. basically, they were soundtracks for my dream and delirium throughout the past two nights. i mean, they're great songs and all, but DAMN! they were ruining my sleep! like musical ghosts haunting me throughout the night. oye vay. spooky. |