| 11 july 2001 "cause i like you... yeah i like you" i bet you think this is gonna be about amabelle. HA! fucking fooled you, you PUNKS. those are lyrics to this song that i've been craving. but that's all i knew of the lyrics. so i dug some googling, and i found it... the dandy warhols, "bohemian like you." yup. yesterday, i came home after work and turned on MTV. for once, they were showing videos. nothing but videos. and i realized that this is my favorite incarnation of MTV.... just videos and nothing else. i used to watch it a lot when i was a kid... visions of monks in the pet shop boys' "it's a sin," or those weird people in spandex jumpsuits in new order's "true faith" or even how i got a big crush on paula abdul in her "straight up" video. hahahaha. but i saw two videos... one by sum 41 (a generic punk band) and one by gorillaz... and during the latter one, i recognized that voice... it's gotta be DAMON ALBARN, yes? i own practically every blur album, so... yeah, i went and did some research, and it was his voice. groovy, man. so, i got in a buying mood and picked out 4 cd's on amazon.com... sum41, gorillaz, american hi-fi (singers of that super teen punk song "flavor of the weak"), and the dandy warhols. yeah. probably a waste of money. the fact that i was buying all four cd's for one song each on the album. and then, just as i was about to check out, i realized that i wanted ot hear those songs NOW... so i quit out and headed on over to tower records... and fuck me! two of the four cd's were only $8.99! sure, the dandy warhols one was like $18, but the sale on the other two made the total come up to what amazon would have cost me, but NOT including shipping. i am the MAN. hm. i'm listening to these 4 cd's at work now, and it's a bad sign... after each of the token songs, i'm just switching the cd. uh oh. i have a feeling, though, that the one i'll enjoy the most in its entireity is gorillaz. it's groovy shit. i really like damon albarn, and one of the others in the foursome is miho hatori of cibo matto, who i also like. i don't buy stuff that often. so this little shopping event for me is a big deal. *an hour later* i'm in pho bliss right now. there's this place called pho queen on lawrence and tasman. they have good meat. yum. but now, i feel like i could hibernate for a few days. damn. I HATE MY FOOD COMAS. yech. today's a nice break away from all the drama i've been experiencing over the last week... to think... i only met amabelle exactly one week ago! that's a lot of shit i've been going through then... and in an accelerated pace like that (sped up by my journal revelations), i'm pretty spent. i really should take it easy. yeah. we both need a break. i really don't want her friends to tease her or bother her... it's already pretty involved with my obssessive thoughts... so with third parties getting into the mix... i just want to keep their involvement at a minimum. be nice, people. i'm tired. this food coma thing is enhancing that mood. all i want to do right now is lounge in my big blue futon and listen to some groovy music. maybe some stan getz. this gorillaz cd is pretty good so far. i love damon albarn's voice. it's so laid back to the point where he's almost slurring his words. let's see if i can make myself feel even MORE tired... i'm gonna go have a smoke... brb. woah shit. sweet sassy molassy. *snore* i saw two sparrows outside flirting with each other. how cute. i thought spring was over. but then, i saw a third sparrow join the mix... hm. menage? shit. even sparrows can get a little kinky, i guess. ha. thinking back, i used to be really private person. i think a big part of me is still like that. writing in this journal has definitely made my life more public. DUH. and i guess i still get that buzz of excitement when i post up some of my more guarded thoughts. i like being heard, i guess. i haven't gotten into any situations where i feel like i should refrain from talking about it here. when that day that comes... i wonder if i'll actually censor myself. *stretch* despite what it may seem from my writings, i really do prefer to go through the friends route first with women i'm interested in... i like finding more and more about them because that gives me a better idea of how compatible we are. that's not to say, though, that i don't get all excited and giddy over the girl... because i sure as hell do. (isn't it obvious? :) it's just that i can exert a form of self-control over myself, to keep me in line and from pushing things too fast. a funny thing, though... because of my strong friends tendencies, my past girlfriends have told me that by the time we got together, they had been waiting for a while. they complained (in a good-natured way) that i was too slow. ha! i guess it's a little bit of torture that i'm subjecting them to, when they want something to happen but i'm just not setting it off. but what's to prevent them from making the first move? silly conventions. i hate them. one thing that really pissed me off was when kristie wrote me a letter the summer after we broke up. the story about us was basically that she kissed me first, that fateful day of the mardi gras party freshman year. and she signed off the letter with "from a secret admirer who should've never kissed you." FUCK. that really made me angry. because it made it seem like she REGRETTED our relationship. and that cheapened the whole affair. it was like she wanted to forget about our past. so i flamed her really hard in an e-mail... apparently, she read it when she got back to school, and she broke down and started crying. ha. i guess i can get pretty evil and stuff. but yeah. i don't like regret. it's such a useless emotion. so you did something... so what? if it was a mistake, then learn from your mistake. but i believe in following my emotions, and trusting them. if it turns out that i was a little deluded or something, then the only thing i want to take from that is to be able to recognize a possible mistake the next time around. i think we're too often confined to doing the "right" thing. being with the "right" person and blah blah. but you really can't tell what's "right" or "wrong" all the time... i'd just rather gain the experience and grow up. and evolve into someone better. those overly-prudent people who are always cautiously analyzing and characterizing their relationships... they're dooming it to fail from the beginning, because they're not giving it their all... and without that whole-hearted commitment, how is it supposed to work in the first place? sheesh. grow up guys. ('twas a lazy-eyed rant from moi) |