| 9 jul 2001 ugh.� for that "asshole of fire" syndrome again.� it disturbed my sleep.� i wonder what it was... maybe it was the pho i had saturday night, with my ten circles of hot sauce that i put into the soup. my roommate jay is really careful about stuff like that... i think that after learning so much about the ways you can destroy your body, he's being really careful... no caffeine... no drugs... no superspicy foods. hm.� i'll probably die of lung cancer from smoking (i better quit) or stomach cancer from all the spicy shit i eat. hm.� speaking of smoking, i'm all out of cigarettes today.� i had two this morning, and they're all gone now.� so i'm gonna try to make it through the day smoke-free.� we'll just see about that.� we'll see just how strong my addiction is. i spent all of yesterday with jay.� he knocked on my door at 10am and woke me up to prepare for our 18 holes of golf at deep cliff in cupertino.� we had a tee time at 11:15, and we collected a random guy named bob.� he was nice.� but damn.� by the time we finished, it was FOUR o'clock in the afternoon.� that's a lot of golf.� and a lot of sun. i was really proud of my first 9 holes... on the front nine, i scored a 43.� besides the first hole, i got nothing worse than a double bogey... and my tee shots were pretty good.� but then, the back nine sucked ass... i got a 48, putting the final tally at 91 for a par 60 course.� ah well. golf is a game with little tolerance for error.� especially on some of the narrow fairways, a badly placed shot can mean a horrible score for the hole, or worse yet, a lost ball.� deep cliff is really bad in that department, because there are water hazards, forests, and the worst... creeks all over the place.� it's so easy to lose golf balls there. 18 holes of golf.� 5 fucking hours.� yeah.� it was tiring.� when jay and i got back, we both just passed out.� i went straight to my room and slept, and he tried watching the yankees/mets game but didn't last very long.� we were supposed to catch _the anniversary party_ at palo alto square, but by the time we woke up, the next available showing was 9:45, and that was too late for a doctor roomie who has to get up at like 5am. we watched two shows (_the simpsons_, _malcolm in the middle_) which both featured multi-threaded plots.� the first show had a day according to homer, lisa, and bart, and the latter show had a parallel "how the day ran with the dad" and "how the day ran with the mom" plot.� both were done really well.� i'd love to try to tackle one of those in my writing endeavors... in fact, this past saturday's entry was supposed to be just that... the day according to my happy side, and simultaneously according to my dark side.� but i just didn't have the inspiration to do it. jay's funny.� he has no qualms about telling me to my face that i suck.� which i don't mind, by the way, because i need to hear that sometimes.� i think friends should be able to put it bluntly to you, because after all, you're friends, and you value what the other says.� too often we're too afraid of saying things like that, and we just act all sugary and stuff. but anyways, i was telling jay saturday night about my obssession over my performance in card games and such, and he just spouted, "you're fucked up."� ha!� it made me realize how silly i am when it comes to games.� games!� i mean, you're supposed to have fun, right?� why the hell am i taking it so seriously?� sheesh. i also brought up my fears of going to drink club and hanging out with amabelle, because it's on a THURSDAY night, and i have to go to work on fridays.� and he's like "dude.� you go to work at ELEVEN am.� you should definitely go.� you're such a TOOL."� ha!� jay tells it like it is.� i like that. it's good to live with someone who is very comfortable with himself.� because it rubs off on me during those times when i feel a little unsure of myself.� i think jay will make me a better person. some dude from austria e-mailed me, adam, and amabelle about some purported soap opera that is intertwining our lives.� i don't get it.� what's so special about that?� and more importantly, WHAT soap opera?� i don't really see one happening here.� but anyways, he called adam the thoughtful, nice guy, and me?� "the bad boy" like luke perry from 90210.� WTF?� heh.� i don't mind being the bad boy, but really, what the fuck have i said or done to deserve that comment?� heh.� bad?� me?� they ain't seen nothin' yet. i'll admit, though, that the start of all this so-called "incestuous" stuff is my fault.� i'm the one who asked amabelle if she liked eric.� which is the trigger that seems to have started this whole thing.� but really... it's getting old.� i'm just interested in getting to know all of them better.� that's all. which is also the reason why i was so frustrated with myself on saturday.� i just felt like i wanted to just jump into amabelle's social circle and feel comfortable and gregarious RIGHT AWAY.� which is totally, like... hm... INCONCEIVABLE.� because social spheres just don't lock together like that.� things take time.� and it just makes me wonder... where the hell did my patience go?� i used to have so much of that stuff lying around.� hell... why do i have this newfangled sense of urgency?� i wonder... but yeah.� i feel like i just can't WAIT for something to happen.� i guess my life has been in such a stall for the past year and a half that i am itching for some positive drama.� i say "positive" because jo-ann certainly provided me with some drama, but that went absolutely nowhere, and hence... a "negative."� not that i regret all the attention i lavished on her... but it's just that nothing really came of it. anything new on amabelle?� well, i'll venture to say that she doesn't say as much as i would like.� she's kind of reticent... not totally laconic like jo-ann was... but definitely not as revealing and loquacious at kristie and karine were.� i like people who give a lot of insight into their thoughts and their feelings.� hm.� i shall have to work on it a little more. i'm trying to set up a one-on-one with her.� it really is the best way to get to know somebody.� duh.� but we'll see how that works out. oh, and one last tidbit.� ever since i met her last wednesday, my first and the last thoughts of the day belong to amabelle. |