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| 29 dec 2001 pretty good days, last night and today... so i got off work last night early (couldn't wait for yet another 4-day weekend), so i called up will and met him at the stanford shopping center.� we shopped a bit... and... i finally have an asian outfit!� yup.� black and dark grey clothes.� i picked up a nice dark grey shirt, and a pair of black cap-toe oxfords, which were totally cheap at macy's... they had this 50% off sale, which i didn't know about until i found out my shoes were just over $30.� nice.� and today, i stopped back at banana republic and picked up a pair of black cords that will pointed out last night.� so that, along with the black dkny midlength overcoat i got for new york last october, completes my first ever asian black outfit.� now i can go to an asian club or party and not be the strange one wearing something other than black. both times i went to banana republic, they were playing st. etienne's armchair remix of their song "home."� cool shit.� i'm impressed that they dug up that song for their store soundtrack. the same cute girl was also working there.� i mean, she's not cute, i guess, but she's elegant and pretty, with long hair and nice hands.� i wanted to talk to her, but i just didn't know how.� hm.� how do you go about approaching someone who works in a clothing store? but anyways, will and i ate at the peninsula creamery (i always get a shake, but i wind up throwing it up afterwards because it's just too much rich stuff), and then we shopped some more... we stopped by tiffany and looked at cufflinks... dude.� we looked at pair that was $1100.� yup.� not a typo.� over a grand for a pair of fucking cufflinks!� geesh. afterwards, i met up with jeremy, cliff, and kate, and i watched _LotR_ for the second time.� it was great, except for the fact that we sat in the 2nd row, which was kind of too close... it gave me sort of a headache.� but i really wanted to see the movie again, so it was an ecstatic time, so much so that i was inspired to read another chapter in the next installment, _the two towers_. i went to sleep at 2, and got up merely 6 hours later.� it was tough getting up.� i had some weird dream about kissing feet and giving head.� i don't remember the who the girl was, though... but basically, today i got to see two of the most important men in my life so far. the first was my dad.� i picked him up at SFO and drove aimlessly on 101 for a bit before i realized that koi palace was about to open.� so i whisked us over in the rainy gloom and waited in the chilly room for a few minutes before we were seated. dude.� waiting there reminded me of how much asian people can piss me off.� there's basically no consideration among asians when it comes to lining up... it reminded me of one itme in LAX when we had to board a plane, and they were boarding the first class people first, but everyone just bum rushed the gate at the same time anyways, disregarding the instructions.� that really makes me mad. it was weird being around my dad.� because he reads my journal.� it's like all he tries to do now is give me advice.� i think the difference between him and any other reader is that we're not equals.� he's my dad, so he feels responsible for taking care of me and making sure i don't fuck up, and i'm his son, so i do feel some obligation to listen to what he says.� but that's pretty much all the conversation this morning was... him telling me to be careful and giving me advice about women and stuff. he also told me to buy a gun, and i was like, "what?"� i mean, i love guns... aside from their man stopping power, i just think they're cool things, and i think they're beautiful... especially the blue satin nickel finish.� but i would never get a gun, especially when i'm living with somebody else... i don't even think i'm responsible enough to own a weapon, so even if i lived by myself, i don't know if i would own one.� but anyways, that's how worried my dad is... so it was great to see him... but just awkward.� he's apparently downloaded all of my journal entries and probably read them all... he even noticed that i took down the pictures of k3 at her request... so spooky.� i mean, i want him to know about my life... but i'm just not used to it.� i guess you can say that i never let my parents in too much on my life, especially when i went to college and after i graduated.� my life just seemed to grow and flourish without their knowledge.� but now that i have this journal, they can find out about stuff that has happened in the past, and stuff that is happening now, and it's just strange.� i need to adjust to this.� and i want them to stop worrying and just appreciate that they can find out about my life at their own leisure; i want to relegate them to simply readers and not the protective parents that they can't escape being. i wonder if my parents think i'm a fuckup because they're finding about stuff that they'd never thought they'd know about me. one thing, though... my dad did make a good point when he said that some things are precious precisely because they're shared by only two people.� it made me think about the next time i'm tempted to write about an intimate moment that i've had with one of my ex's or with anybody else. after i dropped him off at the airport, i went got home at noon and promptly went back to sleep.� yup.� in my jeans and my nice new banana republic asian shirt.� i didn't even take out my wallet and my keys and my cigarettes.� and i slept for FOUR more hours.� i'm such a lazy butt, huh? then i got up, went to milpitas to add another link in my watch (i'm so fat now), got my favorite pearl milk tea at sweetheart cafe (with tons and tons of pearls), got gas, and stopped by the stanford shopping center to pick up two pairs of cords at br. then it was off to my 2nd important man meeting... with kevin.� i picked him up at the caltrain station looking all suave and stuff, and as the crowd parted, i instantly recognized his bouncy stride.� he looked cool with his short hair and bushy sideburns. kevin's my best friend from high school.� we were in acdec for both our junior and senior years, and we visited all the colleges together senior year.� he's my jewish twin! we went to miyake, and then my place to watch stanford beat michigan state in an awesome game.� and we talked a bit. i admire kevin a lot.� he's so much the man that i wish i was.� because he's so personable and popular and unafraid to do things with his life.� before starting business school at harvard this year, he took like 5 MONTHS to travel the world... places like nepal, vietnam, etc.� and he did it alone.� it's something that i wouldn't dare do, because i'm such the fucking wuss and i wouldn't know where to begin once i got off the plane.� but yeah, i basically want to be more like kevin, but i don't know how. we both went to stanford, although he deferred a year to stay in japan, so he was always one year behind me.� for that reason, we both developed different and separate lives even though we were at the same school... and of course, kevin's life was so much broader and more socially active than mine.� but one thing, though... both of us agreed tonight that two things have largely shaped us the way we are now... stanford and the women we've been with. it's funny how my favorite topic of conversation always goes back to women and relationships.� but basically, we kept hitting that topic, because it seems that neither of us really developed much until we started sharing out lives with others on an intimate level... it's like relationships are the mainstay of how we evolve as social and considerate beings. he asked me what big things have happened so far.� i said that i've been single for almost two years now, and the only remarkable thing i've done that i can think of is start this journal.� it's getting old.� i need to find something cool to report to people about.� and while talking to will last night, i decided that my resolution for 2002 is to find single friends.� yup.� it's gonna be hard, given my shyness and my superb wallflower tendencies.� but seeing as how my own friends are mostly married or committed, i need to find some new circles to hang out with.� we'll se how that works out. one thing though... so i went to the stanford shopping center yesterday and today.� i noticed that people were looking at me more intently than yesterday.� and i came to the conclusion that it's because of how i dressed.� yesterday, it was a total ragamuffin... wearing the same old adidas shoes that i always wear, with this abercrombie t and this raggedy buttondown thrown over.� today i put on the asian garb that i bought yesterday, and it just seems that people noticed me more because i was dressed better.� it makes me think.� i better look more presentable when i go out... i've been dressing like a teenager slacker for too long. so all in all, a decent day.� met with two guys that i haven't seen in a long time.� it's just a shame that i don't see them enough... |