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| 24 dec 2001 merry xmas eve, people. i got back from LA at 6 tonight.� i basically logged in 9 hours to travel back and forth to LA.� friday was by far the worst day i've ever seen at an airport... i spent over two hours waiting in lines.� i first got in this huge line which went all the way into the parking lot, and after i got the to the end, i realized that it was the security line.� i thought i needed to stop by the ticket counter to get a boarding pass, so i had to go through the other line instead.� and then, after talking to the ticket girl, she said that for southwest i could go straight to the gate.� so shit.� i spent an hour in the wrong lines.� so i went back through the security line again.� and blah blah blah.� it sucked. but the flight to la was pretty sweet... just over an hour, so i got there and soon found my mom and uncle waiting for me. we got to their house in cerritos, and i met my cousins shirley and david.� we used to be really close, especially shirley and me, back when she lived in fort worth, and we lived in dallas.� but we've grown apart to the point where we basically don't have much to talk about anymore... i mean, she went to cal while i was at stanford, but we only met up twice. but the weirdest thing was that i was stupefied over what language i should talk to them.� when we were kids, we spoke in mandarin.� but now, we speak in english.� and being among older relatives, who i speak mandarin to, i just didn't know which language was appropriate.� i know, it's really silly, but just because of this weird language confusion, i found myself tongue-tied and silent. they watched _enemy at the gates_ the first night, and i found out that there was one scene they cut out of the movie when i watched on the japan airlines flight back to the states... it was the love scene between rachel weisz and jude law, where you get to see her nice pale butt.� they have sex under the covers, so the acting isn't dominated by the simple display of skin... i felt a bit weird watching with these kids, because in my mind, they're still the little boys and girls that i grew up with.� plus, my brother was there, and my mom came in, realized what was going on the tv, and ushered my brother to bed.� but anyways, i pretended to check my cell phone directory, but i glanced every once in a while at the tv, and i could see rachel's orgasmic face with her big eyes like "oooh.� you're so BIG.� it feels so GOOD."� ha ha ha.� not bad acting, i guess. saturday, we drove to PV (palos verdes) to another uncle's swanky house in the mountains overlooking the ocean.� swank.� yeah.� we played some videogames and went to some fancy seafood banquet.� on this side of the family, i'm not very close to them at all.� the girl cousin goes to stanford even, and she's invited me to meet up with her, but i've largely just left the e-mails unreplied.� i dunno.� i feel bad. sunday we went to south coast mall.� pretty cool mall, although it was completely overrun by mad shoppers in their crazy last scramble for gifts.� while going up and down the escalators, i couldn't fight the thought, "this is sheer evidence that the world is overpopulated."� kind of grim, huh.� but anyways, we each hit our favorite stores (david's was american eagle outfitters, mine was abercrombie, my brother randy's was banana republic and armani exchange.) i bought a yellow bandana at abercrombie & fitch. this doesn't sound like a big deal, but there's a significance to it. at the end of freshman year, k1 and i drove to the airport.� we were sitting there, and all that was running through both of out heads was the huge vast gulf of the summer and how we would be apart for three eternal months.� when they started boarding, i got up and walked to the airwalk.� with tears in her eyes, k1 grabbed me, and (being fond of wearing bright bandanas in her hair) she removed her yellow one and tied it around my neck.� it was her way of leaving/lending a part of her with me for the entire summer. i lost the bandana over the summer.� i don't know when, and i don't know where. but anyways, when i saw that abercrombie carried bandanas, the yellow one immediately grabbed my eyes.� i picked it up, and i just stood there, running through the airport sequence that happened to me about 8 years ago.� as i continued shopping, i walked around the store clutching the yellow square of cloth in my hand.� and i knew i had to buy it. i don't know what this means to me.� maybe i want to return k1 her bandana should i ever miraculously see her again... maybe i want to give back this past piece of her that i now have.� *shrug* watching my mom follow my brother around the mall, it hit me that my mom's life is all about randy.� that parents sacrifice their lives for the sake of their kids.� it struck me as very noble and very loving.� and very sad.� i am eagerly anticipating the time when my brother goes to college so my mom and dad can hopefully reunite and start living their lives again.� i know that they'll never truly let go of us completely, but i really want them to see them regain parts of themselves that they've put away for the sake of taking care of us kids. my brother's a sneaky dude.� at dinner, we were forced by the elders to drink this nasty chinese semi-medicine soup with lamb meat, some weird funky herbs and this stuff called go-ji, which i can best describe as some weird orange raisin thing.� i grudgingly drank mine, but i wasn't going to go down alone... i forced randy to drink his soup.� but as we left the restaurant, i looked at his plate, and hidden under it were the go-ji that he picked out of his soup.� sly, dude, sly.� he picked them out without any of us noticing it, and he had evaded having to eat that nasty shit. it's stuff like that that used to piss me off.� (now it just amuses me.)� but basically, my parents are so much more lenient with randy than they were with me.� back then, had i pulled the same stunt, they would have gotten all mad and forced me to eat like two dozen go-ji as punishment.� i used to be really bitter about this leniency when i was growing up with randy, but i'm just glad now that he has more freedom to do what he wants.� i just wish i had the same chance. well, that was the gist of my vacation... not much else to write about.� i did try some pmt's at this place called "little bean" (cute name), but the weird thing was that their pearls were brewed from a steaming pot of black soup, so the bottom of the cup is piping hot with the sunken pearls while the top is cold with the ice cubes.� kind of odd.� the hot soupy nature of the pearls makes them really soft, too soft for my taste.� i prefer the pmt's here.� nice cold, bouncy, firm balls.� yum. so i've finally seen my family (well, except for my dad) this year.� it was good.� i was really excited to see them when i was on the plane on the way over.� yeah, two days isn't enough, but at least i've made contact with them, and i know they're all right, and they know i'm all right. although my tics are getting worse.� when i tic now, my whole body just clenches up in this full-body dry heave.� and whatever's in my hands just get squeezed to hell.� i was holding a _time_ magazine a lot on the plane, and when i ticced, i squeezed the magazine so hard that the ink came off on my fingers.� i didn't notice it at first, but after a few tics, i looked at my fingers, and they were all black with ink.� if you look at the magazine now, it's all wrinkled up, and you can see my fingerprints all over it. arrrgh.� i don't know what's stressing me out now.� i hope it's not the job.� because if it is, them i'm fucked.� i can't escape the job. anyways, jay and margaret cooked some amazing roast beef and gravy tonight.� they're at memchu (memorial church at stanford) right now for an ecumenical (sp?) service.� i don't know what the hell i'm doing tomorrow... it looks like a day alone, which i'm not looking forward to.� it's going to be kind of lonely, and it just seems so backwards from what everything xmas is supposed to be about.� hrmph. oh.� and i have this e-mail nuisance now.� he took the name "ardy hang" (my name minus the first letter), and he's mailing from [email protected].� apparently this person has a lame sense of humor, playing my alter ego or something to berate me about me and my journal and how i piss people off with what i write.� i'm sort of amused, but i just don't respect people who have to hide behind fake cognitos.� cowardly, if you ask me. and of course, i've done that before (e-mailed people anonymously), so yeah, you can call me a hypocrite.� i don't care. |