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| 21 dec 2001 photos courtesy of mike. i gotta stop slouching (as you can see in the way my grey poofy thing in the left picture lays on my body).� the good news is that i met these guys last night, and they're all pretty cool.� the bad news is that i really wanted mike to be in at least one picture.� he got one of the ladies at the restaurant to take the picture, but i think there was some sort of inpenetrable language barrier there.� she claimed to take two pictures, but the reality is that she didn't get it done.� mike decided not to ask her again, and i thought it was sad to give up on humanity like that. i'm holding a cigarette in the picture on the right... i wonder if mike purposely cropped it that way?� BWAHAHAHAHA.� oh, by the way, in the left, it's (from the left) me, geoff, raymond, and ben.� and in the right, we're having fun with shopping carts.� i mentioned emphatically that this is one of the things they did in my favorite show _jackass_, and then mike said it was a lame show.� and i got all huffy and said it was genius.� it really is genius, trust me. it was raining.� yuck.� i got there first, knowing that raymond was gonna be late, because he called me.� so i found the place easily, thank goodness that they had a prominent sign, because i was concerned about looking for 2089 el camino in the dark and in the rain. i sat there, wondering when the hell people would show up, and then the door opened, and this dude who looked like the smaller thinned-down version of hulking mike walked in. ok.� people ask me why i thought he was gonna be "hulking."� just go to his page, and look at the picture above the word "THOUGHTS."� look at his chin!� he looks HUGE!� like a beer-guzzling hairy-chested 20-inch bicep beefcake-man.� so i was surprised to see that he was almost dimunitive after comparing him against my expectations. we chatted awhile about stuff (like his ex and why he's not financially worried about not working for so long) and then ben and geoff came along.� i thought geoff was a monk, and ben was very stylish with his black overcoat and grey scarf and black plastic-rimmed glasses.� yup.� never would have thought that ben considers himself a fob. so we sat down, and ordered food, and shot the shit for a while.� raymond came afterwards, and i felt bad because i basically forced him to squeeze with the other side of the table (ben and geoff).� i was complaining about how if three of us sat in the booth on one side, i'd get claustrophobic, and i suggested raymond sit on the end of the table in the aisle.� but i guess that might have been a fire hazard or something, so he just went to the other side and squeezed in.� *hangs his head in guilt* shit.� i forgot what i ordered.� it was this spicy soup with beef and onions and egg.� but anyways, there were way too many onions (like the long green kind), and i had to deftly maneuver my spoon around the onions to scrape up all the meat and egg.� yeah, mike didn't eat much; he ordered the same thing i did. my favorite part of the conversation was when mike talked about working with porn all day at his internet video job.� and how he got desensitized to it and started hating it.� totally like that _friends_ episode where joey and chandler got free porn on their cable.� and i smiled as i remembered how sick of it i got when i bought those porn tv cards in japan and just left it on all night as i tried to sleep.� i mean, it was kind of neat to have the women's screams and moans on constantly as i smoked and brushed my teeth and stuff, but something about it just kept me on edge to the point where i couldn't sleep. but anyways... so that was the night... i went home at 9, took a shower, played halo, watched sportscenter, and slept.� i had to sleep early because today's friday (9am meeting).� so i've been at work for over an hour now, and i'm still feeling like shit and constantly yawning. maybe we'll see each other again.� who knows.� ben wants me to play basketball with his company.� *shrug* i thought it was nice how we seemed comfortable with each other from the get go.� i mean, just chilling, drinking a little beer, talking.� for some reason, i can't see a group of girls doing the same thing.� i think guys are more prone to just chilling and being laid back and stuff, even at the initial meeting... i have the conception that girls would size each other up and be suspicious of each other and stuff... i know how girls can be all catty and stuff.� but anyways, i was kind of surprised at how chill (and sometimes animated) i was, because i really thought i would just sit there and be quiet like i usually am when i first meet people. last thing... ben said i was big.� yes, i am tall.� but big?� i never get called that because for all but the last year of my life, i've been grossly underweight.� like weighing 140 for a 6 foot frame.� it's ridiculous.� that's why i wear baggy clothes... because if i wore tight pimp clothes, i'd look absolutely disgusting.� yes, i've filled out since then, but in my mind, i'm still skinny, and that's why being called "big" kind of shocks me. ----- here's mike's transcription of this week's _dawson's_.� (i taped it, but i haven't watched it yet): "it hurts to be around you.� when i see you, even from across the room, it brings up a thousand memories, not just of us, but of my entire life before... it's like i'm frozen in this place i can't bear to be.� i care about you so much.� as long as i can remember, everything always comes back to you, and no matter what is happening between us, even the thought of you is at least a constant comfort, but... i can't go back.� it hurts." that's how i felt in the past.� i had a lot bitterness and stuff over k1 when we broke up.� with k2, i had almost instant closure.� but the memories were still there, and for a while after the breakup, i hated the fact that my brain would automatically associate so many things with the ex.� because i just wanted to drive her out of my life. so much of myself is tied to the women i've been with, which is the reason why i never stop talking about them.� but anyways, my original point was that after time has passed, though, i am able to think of my ex's fondly.� and that may be the primary factor why i am comfortable talking about them openly.� and i don't think the ex's (or even k3) are at that stage yet (and probably they'll never get to that stage) and that's a big reason why they're so horrified by the fact that i write about them.� that, and the fact that they're a lot more private than i am.� but then again, i am a private person, too... but for certain things (a lot of things, actually), i just have no qualms about lettings things out. hm.� this exposition isn't as eloquent as i had planned.� i had best stop. *yawn*� i'm so fucking sleepy.� and it's only 10:30 in the morning.� fuck me. but anyways, i'll be updating on monday at the earliest.� have a nice weekend people! |