| 19 dec 2001 "life is both a major and a minor key..." so i was really bothered and pissed off last night, but like i said, after sleeping on things, i usually lose all my emotional conviction. so this isn't going to be the rant that i was playing out in my head last night in bed. so, basically, karine (or should i call her k2?) e-mailed me saying that she was upset about the fact that some personal aspects of her and our relationship appeared in my journal. and she wanted me to change her name for protection. she stated that she didn't want her co-workers or future kids to find out dirt about her. blah blah blah. and the big question which came up in my mind is... am what i'm doing illegal? yes, it may be touchy, and it may be a nuisance to some other people, and yes, it may be rude and unethical, but are there legal restraints to having an online journal? i simply don't know. i just sent out an e-mail to my lawyer friend asking for consultation. i was having a pmt with sonya last night, and she's a sensible gal, so she said that it definitely is best not to delve into too many personal issues involving others. after all, like another friend of mine (emily) maintained, certain things that are experienced between two people aren't meant for everyone to know. it reminds me of the earthlink ad where this guy asks this girl for her phone number, and after she gives it to him, the bartender and another patron ask for it, too, and the guy sells the girl's number to them for $5 each... yes, i can see the point. so what's the rule for this? is it an unwritten rule among journallers; is it up to my good discretion what i write about and what i don't write about? on one hand, this journal is for me to express myself, and i don't want to limit myself to the lowest common denominator of privacy. like clare says in her disclaimer, i am gonna warn people that what i have to say may not please you guys. you might not like what i say, you might get offended, you might even get hurt... i never intend to slander anyone, but i am just speaking out. and if you're a sensitive type or you don't feel like you can handle the truth of my assessment of you, then i suggest you don't read my journal. on the other hand, i also realize that there are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. that there are limits that i should heed. i have realized through writing here that my perception of openness and what is suitable for the public is well beyond what other most people consider to be sensible. maybe that's what makes it fun for you guys to read... but i'm not here to make a fool out of myself with my big mouth. i'm not here to amuse others. so i don't know what i should do. yes, changing someone's name isn't such a big deal (although it's kind of pain for me to do at this point), but from my point of view, there's not much of a point. i mean, if you don't know k2, then what do you care what name i call her by? and if you do know her, then you have to have also known that we went out for a few years, and in that case, things about what we did (like the general gist of intimacy and stuff like that) is already assumed. so yes, i may be really dumb and blind here, but i still don't really get what the big deal is. it's not that i don't see how it could be annoying and disturbing. i've been a victim of bad press, too. my junior year, kristie wrote this article in the SCHOOL NEWSPAPER about me that really made me look like a freak and a perv. i was so pissed off, and worse off, i was in japan at the time, so i couldn't defend myself. but i e-mailed the editor of the stanford daily, and i asked him, "how the fuck could you let her write this about me?" and they just stammered out something lame and basically said that they let it slide. the difference, though, is that kristie's article never mentioned my name; she just referred to me as "my ex." but still, people who knew her and the fact that she went out with me would clearly know who she was talking about; in fact, it was my friend jack who read the article, went "woah" and mailed it to me in japan. so yeah, i know how much bad press can piss me off. but i dunno. maybe because of that incident, i just accepted that sometimes shit like that will happen, and you just have to blink once or twice and carry on with your life. i don't particularly think that i've said anything bad about k2, maybe i've said some things that were personal, but to me, it wasn't sacred or anything. believe me, there are things i can say that would be much much worse, and luckily i am not so drunk with my exhibitionism that i would put that stuff up. ARGH. i'm frustrated. more than anything, i'm confused. help! advice! something else that makes me irate is the fact that according to k2's e-mail, it was people she knew that tattled about my journal. what, like she's got little spies out there reading my journal for the sole purpose of reporting to her what goes on? what the fuck? look, if you're reading not because you're interested in my life, but because you're simply going to be all juvenile about it and tell on me, then go away! FUCK OFF. do something productive with your life. i don't want it to sound like i'm not compromising. i think there is definitely a lesson here that i should learn. and i don't admit that i'm right about everything, either. everything i say about k2 is going to be screened carefully by me, but the operative words here are "by me." i still think that it's up to me to decide what's appropriate and what's not. but i'm going to be much more tight-lipped about stuff from now on. sheesh. what lame stupid drama. what's the name of that guy who does the show _politically incorrect_? (i just remembered... bill maher.) there was a short interview with him in the latest issue of _time_ magazine, and basically, his stance is that our american society is way too politically correct. and the definition of PC, in his terms, is something like "placing sensitivity above truth." i agree with that, mostly. i think we're way too soft and sensitive... and VERY litigious, which makes it even more disturbing. it seems that no matter what we say (even if i said that i really loved k2, and that for the most part, we had a good relationship, which i believe), it can be twisted and turned around into something that some people will view as harmful. and that really bugs me. what, you can't talk about your past relationships? you can't mention some glossing facts about how you guys met? you can't express your opinion of them? are we that weak and vulnerable that we can't withstand somebody else's words? *grumble* ----- i did a lot of reading this week... i read basically 100 pages of _lord of the rings_ (book I) every night, which is no small feat for me because i'm such a slow reader. but this being my 2nd time around reading it, i skimmed the exposition but paid a lot of attention to the conversations, because that's where most of the meat is. it was really good the 2nd time around! there are so many details and names and places in the book that i forgot about much of it, and it was really nostalgic to come across a word or a name and have a mini eureka complex over it. so the timing was perfect. i'm just went to the shoreline theater and got tickets for the 10:20 showing. alan's driving down. but anyways, i wanted the 8:00 tickets, but they were sold out when i got there, and by the time i worked my way through the line, the 9:15 showing was sold out, too. oh well. i was hoping to get a good night's rest tonight, but i guess it'll have to wait one more day. this work thing is killing me... i'm still getting in just before 11am... i gotta work at getting in earlier than that... but anyways... can't wait! it's gonna be a good movie... |