| 18 dec 2001 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- [ [email protected] ] | SPACE FOR RENT Dardy Chang | (sale pending) P.O. Box 4127 |------------------------------------ Stanford, CA 94309 |"Life is merely the procrastination (415) 497-5786 | of death" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ah... see that? that was my .sig back in college. thanks to eric, he reminded me today that google has archives of old usenet articles. i mean, i discovered that fact a few days, ago, but it didn't click in my mind that i'd have a lot of fun digging through my old pasts back in the day... seeing my .sig made me really nostalgic... ah! i finally remember my phone number freshman year! 7-5786! *sigh* and i had quite a few posts in all sorts of subjects, and although i won't post them up here, they're pretty easily accessible if you just search "dardy chang." but anyways, there was all my cd and anime tape sales... i remember selling this anime porn laserdisc to some guy for $80, and he drove over to the oval at stanford to pick it up, and paid cash... the dude was this scrawny otaku (die-hard anime fan), wearing a lum (the girl from _urusei yatsura_) t-shirt that was all faded and full of holes and way too small for him... interesting sight. and then there were my postings on alt.support.tourette, which made me kinda sad... and stuff like when i first joined the soc.penpals list back in the summer of 1992, and i was by far one of the youngest people there, and coincidentally, the two penpals i made, which i kept through freshman year at stanford, were both half-asian girls (deborah and nana). stuff like my plea for help in dealing with a friend who had eating disorders... my rant against some person who posted up some propaganda about "the beauty of being a virgin"... and how i wrote a pretty pretentious and opinionated reply... i had no idea i was like that back then... and one of my favorites, a post of mine on alt.romance called "SONGS FOR MAKING OUT." i _might_ be able to understand me putting the orb on there, but 808 state's _gorgeous_?! i can't even imagine how there could come to be heavy petting and groping when the thunderous basslines of "timebomb" and "nimbus" are thumping away. my guess is that my five choices must have been cd's that i had personal romantic experience with, memories which by and far have completely faded away (except for my makeout session to _phantom of the opera_). i did a search on some old girlfriends and acquaintances, but didn't find much. i did find kristie's lone post to the usenet while she was at stanford, however... she was looking to buy a mannequin, and after seeing that post, i TOTALLY remember that. *grin* that was a nice walk down memory lane. do people still use usenet now? i remember back when i was on rec.arts.anime, and we got like 12 posts a day, and a year later, it was like well over 100 posts a day, with most of it being junk. and lists like alt.sex became utterly useless because they were flooded with porn site ads... ----- scarfgirl brought up an interesting topic today... how it sucks to be second choice in a relationship. how do you know if you were 2nd choice? just because a person asks someone else out before he asks you out doesn't mean you were 2nd choice. not necessarily. to me, it seems time is a very important factor in this. time and circumstance. if the person met two people at the same time, and had equal access to both of them, and he makes a decision, then yes, the other person will be considered the consolation. but few situations are in that perfect realm of "all things equal." sometimes people take what comes to them first. they may like someone else better, or they may not realize that they'd like someone else better, but the fact is, another opportunity may come up, and they just decide to jump on that. i don't think that's a slight to the other person... it's just that the timing wasn't right just yet. because if you can argue the simply being picked later means being a consolation, then that means the more girlfriends a guy has, then the more insignificant the next girl becomes. and that's simply not true. if anything, the next girl should be more important because she embodies the present and the future for the guy. if the consolation perception were so shitty, then movies like _america's sweethearts_ (i know, it's not a good movie, but it serves as an example) would never work... i don't know if you've seen it, but it's about john cusack being obssessed with ex-wife catherine zeta jones, and then he finally realizes that the "other" girl, julia roberts, is the right one for him. and that possibility, the chance that someone you didn't recognize at first becomes the best person for you... that would all be negated by the target person simply bailing out because "second choice syndrome." *shrug* i think that if you knew the person you were with secretly wished to be with someone else, that would be a shitty situation. but honestly, anybody who goes into a relationship with that kind of thinking is fucked up. relationships sort of depend on the faith that when you're with someone that person loves you completely, no matter what number you were in the finally tally, and regardless of who else is out there. ----- finally, a short rant. dude. appreciate your gifts. even if isn't exactly what you wanted. (this isn't so much because it's christmas season, but because of something that happened yesterday.) so a friend of mine bought an xbox as a wedding present, and the soon-to-be wife declined it huffily. yes, i can see how a video game system might not be a perfect choice for a married couple. but still, it's a gift, and not a cheap one at that. and my friend gave it with all his good intentions. so show some fucking gratitude. i don't know where people come off being so full of themselves as to think they're qualified to deem gifts worthy of them or not. _nobody_ is above a gift that is given with conviction. bitch. i don't know where i am getting this attitude. i'm sort of pissed at myself, because i still can't figure out what i'm supposed to be doing at work. i am all set to do some heavy coding, but what the project lead wants, i'm not capable of doing (literally). and what i can do, i'm not sure he wants. so i'm just all messed up right now, sitting there, confused. |