| 4 dec 2001 yikes.� so i had my caspian interview at 8:30, after getting maybe four hours of sleep.� i dunno.� for some reason, i couldn't fall asleep until like 3, and the alarm went off at 7:30.� i was afraid it would still be dark outside or something.� dude, it was freezing in the morning; my car was all like frosted over and stuff. i spent the next five hours at caspian, talking to various people and getting taken out to lunch by one of the managers.� it was ok... the company scares me because it's obvious that it overspended... there are entire rooms with empty unused cubicles, super-fancy coffee makers, four massage chairs complete with satellite/dvd systems hooked up to tv's... they even hired a feng shui consultant to make the place harmonious and shit... crazy! so that worries me.� the big thing about caspian is that they have a large number of employees and a really high burn rate... so even though they scored $85 million last year, it's probably drying up, and now they have to go out in this horrible market and raise up some more money... can you say DILUTION? but anyways, because of all the perks, though, it seems like a cool place to work, despite not knowing how long all that glory will last.� but the thing is... the people seem cool, too... i met people that i could actually see myself hanging out with.� *shrug* but then, i come back, take a nap, and call my friend allen up.� this dude is pretty picky and has some high standards (well, not high standards, but just a really vigilant eye), and he wasn't all too excited about any of the companies i've talked to.� and that kinda deflated me.� but anyways, the big thing is that allen and some other people are gonna start a company together, and i'm really tempted.� it'd be cool working with him... the problem is, though, that they're looking for funding right now, and i have no idea how long it's going to take for them to get their seed money.� and in the meantime, i'll be off working at some other place, getting attached and all that.� ARGH.� the timing just seems to be all off. *sigh*� i think i happened to be really lucky when i found vivace... and now i just feel kind of clueless in the way i'm evaluating where i want to work for next... no place just seems "perfect," you know?� i had that feeling when i went to my old company, and it's hard to match that feeling when you have such expectations. well.� anyways.� i hope to find out from caspian by thursday and just make my decision on friday and be done with it.� i am itching to work. penelope cruz bugs me.� i thought she was fine in _belle epoche_ years back, but man... she looks like a mouse, and i just want to take some big pipe clamps and squoosh her lips together so she looks like a platypus.� i dunno.� i just saw the _vanilla sky_ preview. don't have much else to say. i'm really pissed off by the people who rag on eric in his guestbook.� like they say he's full of himself to post up so much of his life on the web, blah blah blah.� it's all bullshit.� and it's none of their fucking business.� i don't understand people who think they have the authority to dictate what's out there on the web.� who gives them that entitlement?� stupid bastards.� i just hope eric doesn't get too offended and password protect his site or anything... a site like his should be available to anyone who stumbles upon it. people seem to be amused by the fact that my ear just randomly jettisoned out a chunk of earwax.� according to an acquaintance of mine (mallory), i must have hyperactive sebaceous glands.� so it's like, if i went to a concert, and somebody asks me if i need some earplugs, i'll just say, "no thanks!� i have some CRAZY sebaceous glands!"� but anyways, have you ever smelled earwax?� it's an odd dusty scent, and yet i find myself strangely attracted to it.� i've never gone as far as eating it, though.� but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't tempted.� gross, huh?� but i do play with it with my fingers, mashing it out into flakes and stuff before i flick it away. rita asked today whether it's ok to ask an SO to change for you.� i think it has to do with what you ask for.� if it's a personality change, then i think that's off limits... i mean, you're supposed to love the person for who he or she is, right?� but like she said, if it's a bad harmful habit like smoking, then i think it's reasonable.� hm.� i don't know exactly where to draw the line... it has to do with my conception of common sense of a "good" or "bad" or "neutral" quality.� like things that stem from bad attitudes or bad habits are changeable.� but inherent personality traits (i know, it's hard to differentiate from malleable and inherent) should not be tampered with.� argh.� hard to explain. all i know is that my smoking has got to go one of these days.� yes, i do plan to quit, because it's such a bad disgusting habit.� yet, you know that it's also addictive.� so i just gotta find the right impetus to quit.� oddly (and sadly) enough, my own health isn't compelling enough for me right now.� but it should be. one dish with i promise to learn how to make is... tuna noodle casserole.� i have an irrational passion for tuna noodle casserole.� by the way, the stouffer's microwaveable version of the dish is pretty good, albeit kind of small... i could eat about five times the amount if i could.� but the rule... no peas!� and lots of mushrooms. ok.� i'm gonna quit early today.� bye! |