| 29 aug 2001 "what i desire is your trust to inspire this love for you which grows in me" the toothbrush.� the ultimate symbol (above all) of... the wonderful event of sleeping over. of semi-cohabitation.� yes.� in the first episode of season 2 of _sex and the city_, carrie is elated when mr. big gives carrie her very own red (or was it pink?) toothbrush.� a big step in a relationship!� i mean, all the stuff that follows... some clothes, underwear, facial cleanser... that's just an aftermath of item #1: the toothbrush.� interesting how the first thing on people's minds seems to be dental hygiene, huh? i'm a big advocate of sleeping over.� now you may think it's because sleeping over makes sex more of a possibility, but that's not it.� in _the unbearable lightness of being_, milan kundera writes that while sex is a desire (of lust) that may extend to multiple people, "shared sleep" is a desire (of love) that only goes out to one person.� so while you may want to sleep with a bunch of people, you only want to _sleep_ with one.� get it?� i think that's for the most part true for me.� i might change the "one person" to "a very very select few" for my own personal state of mind right now, but i do admit that it's a much smaller number than the women i find totally hot and fuckable. think about it.� when someone sleeps over, you get to see all this stuff that might turn you off or even gross you out.� stuff like morning breath, messed up hair, heavy slumbering breathing (or even snoring!), even some nasty shit like menstrual blood on your sheets, shit smear marks on your bed... you get the idea.� stuff that may make you think, "dude.� i didn't know she was like THAT.� ewwww."� but since you love the girl, all those things are unimportant and negligible.� they fade into nothingness into the depth of your emotional well.� in fact, for me, all those things make them even more adorable.� one of my favorite sounds is waking up at night and hearing my loved one breathing softly next ot me.� i'll even tolerate some soft snoring before i roll her over on her side.� and the warmth of their body... *swoon*� and even once, i woke up and found a GIGANTIC bloodstain on my sheets.� what did i do?� i examined it!� i was totally fascinated! now when is it the right time to sleep over?� i dunno.� for different people, it varies, i guess.� but i'm fine with it happening right away.� it was interesting, because when karine and i got together that first day of winter quarter, it was like it was understood that she would stay the night at my place that very night.� no words were necessary.� i dug the fact that we both had the same idea of how we would pace the relationship.� we both knew what we wanted, what we expected, so that was a smooth process.� i liked that. for others, they like their space.� *shrug*� i'm very open with my space, so i can't claim to understand their thinking, but i'll accept it without any problem.� sleeping over is certainly a chunky step in physical and emotional intimacy, and it's not to be taken lightly. so yeah.� it's good shit.� i highly recommend it.� and you know what else is good shit?� showering together!� yeah!� now some of you might think it's a bit kinky (but i tell you, shower sex is not all that it's cracked up to be; water is a horrible lubricant), but i think it's rather innocent and THAT is PRECISELY why i like it.� it's innocent and fun.� unlike sex, there's no performance anxiety or any of that bullshit.� it's more of a sensual experience than a sexual one... and co-showering is a great way to learn every inch of your mate's body.� you know those game shows where they blindfold you and make you feel people's asses and you have to guess which person is your mate?� well, if you co-showered regularly (and of course, you lather EACH OTHER up, duh), you couldn't lose!� so there's a bonus right there. funny thing is, i can see myself showering with a pretty decent number of different women.� so that says to me right there that it's not a totally intimate sexual thing.� it's just a fun activity!� (i don't want to get any e-mails about women who want to shower with me, ok?) ----- damn.� i haven't done a segment break like that in a long time. i decided to go back to my chiropractor today.� i don't care about the fact that it'll cost me buku bucks since insurance won't pay for it, but my health is important enough to spend the money.� sigh.� i wish the medical community would take chiropractic more seriously.� i'm not claiming that it's a panacea of any sort, but i do think it helps people.� like me. ----- so last night, i was talking to karen over the phone about our trip to new york.� and i was all wimpy and scared about being mugged or murdered or something like that.� she's such a well-seasoned traveller.� she's gone to all sorts of places on her own, and come out totally fine.� karen is quite an independent spirit.� and that makes me think.� how would she function in a relationship?� i know i'm jumping the gun here because we're not together (at all), but i still think about it. remember what i said about tampering with beauty yesterday?� well, that's what i feel like i'd be doing if i ever went out with karen.� she is such an amazing person on her own, and i don't want to watch it wither away just because i came into contact with her.� i swear, sometimes i feel like i have the touch of death or something... my hand grazes something wonderful, and things just get fucked up from that point. anyways... in the wake of this impending trip with karen to new york, my life seems to have stopped in a way.� like all i'm waiting for is this vacation to happen, and everything in between is inconsequential and simply a nuisance.� i gotta get out of that thinking.� overhyping is a very very bad thing to do.� must... stop! but yeah.� i can't help it.� six days with my favorite girl on the planet.� all i can say is... it's about fucking time. ----- goddamn it.� eric's pestering me to post already. :)� but i've run into a wall!� a fucking brick wall!� no.� which is worse?� a corrugated steel wall? why are pubes all scraggly and bent funny?� even if you have straight hair?� is it because they're all scrunched up in your underwear?� so like if you didn't wear any clothes (nudist colony), your pubes would straighten out, and you'd get this giant PUBE AFRO?� you know, what i don't get is when i take a leak at some urinal, and i see a bunch of pubes scattered about the porcelain.� what the fuck?� are people like scratching their little thatch while they're pissing?� dude.� the least they can do is wipe away those hairs.� damn. speaking of afros, there's this big thing in japan called "afro dog."� it's this ugly dog with a blank expression... and it has an AFRO!� you can get them in rainbow afros, 50's elvis-style haircuts, even mohawks.� i think it's one of the dumbest things around (the afro dog section of the toy store i went to was next to the tare panda section, so that's why i noticed it).� and now that i've just mentally related it to pubes, i won't be able to stop thinking that the dog has a fucking pubic thatch growing out of its head.� damn. "but all that shit seems to disappear when i'm with you... why must i feel this way? just make this go away just one more peaceful day" |