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| 16 aug 2001 "this was unexpected, my soul's connection to you.� you stole my loneliness.� no one knows that i was wishing for you, a thief, to enter my house of autonomy, that i locked my doors but my windows were open, hoping, but not believing, you would enter." so check out that toilet in the hotel at niseko.� (niseko is this lonely country resort in hokkaido.� usually it's popular in the winter, because there are places to ski nearby.� but in the summer, it's pretty chill and empty.� there are no showers in the hotel rooms... because everyone takes baths in the onsen or "hot springs" downstairs.� yup.� lots of public nudity!� unfortunately, though, the men and women have separate onsens.� damn).� not only is the toilet seat HEATED, but it's got buttons! the blue button is the asshole cleaner.� it's labelled "shower."� the pink one is similar, but for women apparently, since i made out the kanji (chinese character) for "woman" on the label.� and the yellow button is the buttcrack dryer.� and the red button is the stop button for the other three. of course i tried them out!� this little water gun juts out from the back of the toilet seat and just squirts a stream of hot water.� the blue button's waterjet felt a little ticklish on my asshole, but the pink one didn't feel like much... probably because i don't have a vagina.� it was just bombarding water against my chode.� (here's a neat word... chode... the area between a guy's anus and scrotum)� and alas, the dryer didn't work that well... so even though my ass was nicely cleaned out by all the button pushing, i wound up feeling a bit uncomfortable because my buttcrack was all wet and stuff... ewwww... ok.� so apparently i'm a psycho.� i took that online personality disorder test, and here are my results: paranoid: low schizoid: low schizotypal: low antisocial: low borderline: very high histrionic: high narcissistic: moderate avoidant: high dependent: high obssessive-compulsive: moderate dude.� stay AWAY from me.� one thing i find interesting is that i'm both highly avoidant and highly dependent.� strange combo, huh?� but the most interesting question here is whether i'm naturally all messed up like this, or whether my tourette's has made me like this.� because i don't think i'd be all socially anxious and stuff if i didn't have TS.� *ponder*� anyways, like i said, DUDE.� yikes.� i'm mad. my jet lag is fucking me up.� yesterday morning, even though i had gotten a nice amount of sleep, i woke up exhausted.� and i was pretty messed up at work, so i went home at like 3 yesterday and slept until 8.� i forced myself to get up, and i went back to sleep after watching leno.� and i slept until 1pm today!� i set my alarm to 10am and snoozed for about an hour and a half before i gave up and just turned off the alarm.� ugh.� i didn't really have any problems with fatigue when i went over to japan, but apparently, coming back is giving me all sorts of hell.� sigh. ok.� so according to lan and clare, that vagina squirting thing is known as female ejaculation.� duh.� i've heard of that.� clare gave me a few more specifics about how it works, and it seems pretty neat.� can any of you women out there do it?� i'd be curious to know how it feels and how it compares to a regular orgasm. pretty much all of my college friends are going to san diego this weekend to stay at alan's place.� they're going to sea world, playing golf, and just hanging out... so i'm a little upset at the fact that i can't go.� not just can't, but i kinda don't want to go.� in the sense that i'm tired of travelling and packing and living out of a duffel bag.� of COURSE i want to see them... this is the rare opportunity that we gavilan people get to reunite... shit... the only time that happens nowadays is the rare and infrequent occasion of someone getting married.� so i'm bummed.� but i just... can't...� sigh.� oh, and plus, i'm going to see a taiko concert in san jose on saturday.� but anyways... i guess i'll be getting a lot of solitude this weekend. i finally uploaded all 86 of my japan pics through my 56K modem last night.� it took like 7 hours or so.� bummer is that ofoto only lets me upload 10 at a time.� but anyways, i finally got it done, and i sent the e-mail out to all the stanford taiko alums.� they seem to enjoy them.� and that makes me happy.� i like being a little historian running around taking pictures for other people's enjoyment.� like most groups, stanford taiko alums are scattered all over the world now, and it's rare that they get to see each other nowadays.� it was amazing that a group of us was able to meet up in a place as far away as japan.� and the weird thing was, all the other people had a legitimate reason for being out there in august... two of them were in the concert, one was the wife of a performer, a few were living in japan... but me... i was the odd man out!� they were like, "dude.� what the fuck are YOU doing here?"� heh. not much to say today.� i basically slept for 16 hours and watched tv.� i don't like the days when jay is on call, because i don't see him for almost 2 days since he spends the night at the hospital.� i don't know how he can do that... my body would give out so quickly if i had to pull all-nighters regularly like that.� one, it makes me respect him and how he gives himself to his occupation.� two, it scares the shit out of me because i don't think i'd want somebody to operate on me on no sleep.� we need more doctors!� stop this insanity! strange thing... while i was some random town in hokkaido, i was looking at some stuff in an animal store.� and i got the strange urge to buy something for karine.� yeah!� karine!� my estranged ex!� how is that?� why is that?� i don't know.� but it was weird.� i debated it for a while, and in the end, i just decided that i should go ahead and do it.� it's not a peace offering or anything, but i just figured she would like the stuff.� nothing big.� just a few postcards.� but i thought that was weird.� the last person i expected to think about while i was in japan was karine.� but i guess you never know, huh? remember back when i just blew up over kristie's engagement?� the funny thing is, if i found out karine got engaged, i wouldn't be fazed one bit.� i think it's because i have a really nice closure with the latter.� closure is really important, i guess, for my psyche. ok.� no more words.� this little psychotic dude is heading out.� laters. "it won't give up it wants me dead goddamn this noise inside my head" |