| 9 aug 2001 my time in japan is winding down. of course, i still have FIVE days here or something, but... the days are passing by more quickly now. soon i will be back in the states going about my normal life. things are ok. not spectacular, for the reasons i've said before, but... yeah, it's simply OK. tomorrow, i hope to go drinking or clubbing or SOMETHING that will hurt. yeah, i guess you could call me a masochist. i want something above and beyond this quaint trip that i've been having. i'm kinda bugged. maybe i'm a little agitated because i've spent about seven hours of today either on a train or a bus (we travelled from tokyo all the way to kyoto on the shinkansen bullet train), but yo. amms still hasn't e-mailed me a story yet. yup. i asked her to write me a personal anecdote, you know, as a way for me to find out a little something about her. i know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things... but. dude. where the hell is that story? it makes me wonder about laconic people. why are they laconic? it's either because they have nothing to say or aren't willing to say it. one thing, though. i'm horribly jealous amms and eric had a good talk together. just read that in her journal. i find that i am very generous with giving people information about myself. i think those of you who are faithful readers of this journal know that already. but trust me... it gets even better when you catch me one-on-one. so much fucking better. (the dude next to me is looking at porn on the computer. ah. poor repressed japanese blokes.) but i've had two one-on-ones so far while i've been here. the first one was with dj. we went searching for bars in hakodate, but found absolute shit places to go, so we bought some beer and headed up to his hotel room. we drank and talked. he's forbidden me to illuminate what we specifically talked about, but i'll just say it was a really good conversation. i told him something freely that i never told anyone. i can't get into it because it would vastly incredibly alienating for a certain someone. (it was about sex with a girlfriend.) but the point is that if i think you're capable of handling it, i'll let you in on a lot of my so-called secrets. i even puke at the word "secret" because there really are few of them when it comes to me. dj is a cool cat. i just wish he were happy living in tokyo. the second talk was when emi's sister gwen and i went searching for bars in meguro. the funny story is that not once, but TWICE, we wound up at hostess bars. you know, where women pander to your needs and pour you drinks and look interested in your mundane conversation. poor gwen. we basically walked into some seedy-looking places (well, the second one was innocent enough) looking for a place to drink. and the clientelle happened to all be couples, so i thought that was kinda weird. then the personnel there looked at us funny, and one of them at the first place came over and gave me the lowdown of exactly what happens at this bar. and i freaked out, and left with gwen. the second time, it was a place called "funny." innocent enough, right? well, gwen noticed that all the women wore nametags, but i didn't take that to heart. i sat down, and just looked at the drink menu. but then, they told me that "one woman is XXX yen, and two women are XXX yen." and suddenly, two filipina women came over all excited and started blabbering. i realized what was going on, and just blurted out, "uh, i think i'm in the wrong kind of bar!!!" and i bolted out with gwen in a flash, all embarrased. damn. strike two for a fucking bar. just a fucking bar, a place to get a good drink. we finally found a japanese restaurant that sold plain old beer and wine, and we sat down. i've talked to gwen in depth before, so i relished the opportunity to find out all the nitty grittiness in her life. apparently, there is none! she's apparently led a pretty saintly non-event life in terms of dirt, so i was a little disappointed at her lack of words. (i know that amms's reticence canNOT be because she has nothing to say. HRMPH. can you tell i'm a little upset?) anyways, i blew the doors open on gwen on the biggest mistake i ever made (i've referred to this episode as my #1 biggest regret in life, and i won't talk about it right now) and other personal items in my life. well. anyways. i fucking DIG these times when i can just let loose with my life. i think my journal has been doing a great job at being an outlet for my thoughts. but i am definitely aware that i probably won't go near certain topics. yes. i do censor myself. anything concerning just me is fair game for this venue. but when it comes to other people being involved, i am a little more careful. heh. with all my talk about kristie, karine, karen, amms, and other people, you might find that hard to believe. but it's true. karen's back from guatemala! i can't wait to see pictures of her. i asked for three pictures... a happy one, a silly one, and a sexy one. neat! she's still my favorite girl. well. one thing i definitely cannot wait to get back into is daily journalling. and getting back in touch with those other journallers that i had been talking to regularly. i have this nagging feeling, though, that this trip kind of hurt the development. i feel like i've been out of the loop for a long time now. how to get back and feel like i didn't miss a thing. i think that's impossible. fuck. whatever. i won't worry about it right now. i'll try not to. i can't do anything about it, right? so it's absolutely futile wasted energy to ponder of events i can't control. i am smoking a shitload over here. i'm surprised my throat hasn't start to hurt or anything. but yeah, i go through just over half a pack daily. i feel kind of bad because the family is really not used to people smoking near them. on the bullet train ride back, we got stuck in a smoking car, and they were really sensitive to it. they headed for a non-smoking car as soon as they could. of course, i relished the opportunity to smoke in a closed space (since i can never do that in the states), so i stayed in the smoking car and just puffed away happily. oh yeah. smoking naked!!!! i have a room to myself at the hotel, so i get to smoke naked! it's so neat. after we all go back to our rooms, the first thing i do is strip down, grab a cigarette, put the ashtray on the ground, and sit in bed, watching tv and having a cigarette. it's a really weird feeling to do simple mundane things naked. i don't think i've had a naked meal yet... but anyways, back to the smoking thing. the first time i ever had a naked smoke was with karine in paris. quite cool. we were even on a balcony outside, but it was night time, so i doubt anybody saw us. (even if they did, who gives a fuck.) but yeah... that was like four years ago. and as soon as i found out i had a single, that was the first thing i thought about... i swear. i should join a nudist colony or something. but the thing is, i'd get pretty aroused, i bet. how embarrassing. one scary thing... my hotel room is in a separate wing all by itself, so when i go back there, i keep thinking of _the shining_ or something... like seeing rotting zombies or something in my bathtub. i am such a fucking wimp. so the first thing i do is turn on the tv and try to forget about the fact that something horribly gruesome might happen to me. sigh. why do i psyche myself out like that? i couldn't sleep on the bullet train ride back. i closed my eyes, but for some reason, (for one WHOLE hour), i kept thinking about a fucking MULTITUDE of sexual situations. i couldn't stop! i wonder why japan has made me so horny. sheesh. i think i turn japanese while i'm here. i smoke more, i am more sedate, and apparently, i am more repressed. but just let me say this... i wasn't the only one pulling a fat boner in my train car... the guy in front of me was flipping through tepid japanese porn. heh. hm. i'm more satisfied with this entry than the other japan one. at least i'm not complaining as much. yay! amms. write me a story. ok. off to mcdonald's to try a new japan-only burger. something called a BLB. laters. |