| 24 apr 2001 man.� i'm sick.� shit.� i think it's because i was stayed up until 4am friday and saturday nights.� i'm an old man!� i guess i either caught a cold because it was chilly when i went home, or i just can't stay up late without my immune system suffering a meltdown. in any case, i puked up a ball of phlegm this morning, and threw up again (this time, some bile) after i tried playing basketball.� yeah.� i thought basketball would get the blood pumping and make me feel good temporarily, but i just felt like shit afterwards. so i went home at like 3 and slept until 6.� went back to the office to get some food, because i gotta eat, you know. health is way underrated.� people don't appreciate being healthy nearly as much as they should.� it amazes how the body is able to stay in good shape most of the time, fighting off all sorts of nasties and bugs that constantly try to invade our systems. i haven't been sick in a while.� but my throat hurts like crazy, and my nose is runny like a leaky faucet. yet, despite my sore throat, i smoked a couple of cigarettes today.� why the hell do i do that?� while i was sitting on the curb outside the office and puffing away, i thought... is this a habit, or an addiction?� what's the difference?� i guess an addiction is qualified by a dependency on a substance of sorts, but they're both compulsions. it's interesting, though, because a lot of people smoke pot, but they say they would never smoke cigarettes.� despite the fact that one is legal and the other is not.� the argument, i guess, is that pot is more natural, and not laden with all sorts of fucked up chemicals that are designed to addict.� and people don't smoke as much pot as they would tobacco.� i still don't get the argument, though.� both are bad for you. i really should quit.� maybe i'll try.� at least cut it down to my old habit of just two a day... one in the morning before work, and one after i leave work.� i kinda liked that old routine... it was like putting bookends against my workday.� but as i got more bored and stressed, i found myself itching for more smoking breaks during the day.� and now i've added another one, in between sportscenter and the daily show at 11pm.� addiction indeed. argh.� i'm running out of kleenex.� i've been well for so long that i didn't need to have tissue around, but now, i'm scrambling to find napkins, toilet paper, anything to wipe my runny nose.� yuck. i think i need to go back to sleep. i just killed a spider.� it was running across my keyboard, and i tried to capture it, but it ran into the cracks between the keys and underneath my "delete" key.� evil me.� i pressed the delete key.� i think it's dead now. i hate killing things.� this is a far cry from my old kiddie days, where i would stomp on cockroaches with glee.� but now, i feel sad whenever something dies because of me.� i've become such a softie.� the worst was back in my old house, where there were snails all over the sidewalk, and you couldn't really see them at night, so as you walked, there would be a "crunch" every once in a while.� first of all, it was disgusting to get snail guts all over my shoes.� second, i just felt a lot of sadness for the fact that i squnched up an innocent snail.� sigh. ok.� enough for today.� time to head back home. |