| 23 apr 2001 feeling a little better today, although my throat has been sore for the last two days. i think going to bed at 3-4am on friday and saturday nights kind of made me vulnerable to some nasty germs. i'm wearing the spring concert t-shirt today. even though it reminds me of my missing taiko and all, it's yellow, and it's hard to feel down when i'm wearing something yellow. that, and my superman t-shirt. which reminds me, i gave the graduating seniors in the group superman t-shirts. everybody should have one. when you're feeling down, or if you're feeling great about yourself, there's something magical about wearing a strong blue shirt with a red/yellow "S" emblazoned on your chest. i was whining about my dream of playing taiko to my co-worker rahul, who told me to lighten up. i started asking him what his dream activities were, and he just got really reticent about the whole thing. it was in a kind of playful manner, but i didn't get why he refused to talk about it. after playing a game of like 20 questions or something, i found out that he wanted to do photography, travel, swimming, and pet-raising. cute! we all should have dreams. i think both of us are hoping vivace networks strikes it big... he'll buy his house in hawaii, and i'll retire and play taiko for the rest of my life. i realize that i haven't had a real lunch for the past 4 days or so. the ultimate sign of depression or unhappiness for me is not eating. because i'm usually such a big eater. i noticed a few nights ago that my weight had dropped by 5 pounds or so. it's not healthy, i know... starving yourself is no good. too bad there's no indian food tonight. we've had it for the past couple of mondays. i wonder why they changed the meal plan. it's chinese food tonight. when i was talking to rahul, i realized that i'm a bad combination of traits: i'm both selfish and lazy. so i have high expectations for myself and my life even though i don't work hard enough for those goals. pretty horrible, huh? i think that if i met myself, i'd complain about the fact that i was so goddamned lazy and listless, yet i'd bitch and moan about not having a fabulous life or something. oh! so my current plan (due to lack of taiko) is to find a place and take modern drumming lessons! i want to work on my sense of rhythm, and especially my improvisational skills, of which i really have none. i mean, i can come up with rhythms on my own and all, but i never feel like they're coherent or have much funk to them. so... after watching a blink 182 documentary on mtv, and seeing how the drummer travis teaches kids how to play when he's not on tour with the band, i think it'll be great to take up modern drumming. now if i could only figure out how i'd practice without my roommates clamoring for my beheading... and so if i have a musical outlet with this drumming thing, i need to find an athletic activity as well. (that's why taiko is so beautiful, because it's both an exercise of the body and mind.) should i play basketball again? not just the weekday thing at my old company, but the weekend full-court 150-minute sessions? you know, i started to gain weight right when i stopped playing the full-court stuff. coincidence? i wonder... so back to the drum/rhythm thing. have you ever seen people who always are tapping out rhythms wherever they are? walking down a street, sitting at a desk, just everywhere? i want to be surrounded by rhythm. kind of like the people in the performance group stomp. because rhythm is everywhere. in our heartbeats, in the sounds of our steps, in the click-clack of the keyboard as we type. yeah, i think it might annoy some people, but i think it's a neat added perceptive dimension to our surroundings. which reminds me. the last time i was inspired to learn something was watching katie holmes tap dance at the beginning monologue in saturday night live. tap is another cool activitiy, rhythmic in nature. i also heard that you can lose a lot of weight tap dancing. :) but, i'm not exactly a graceful or elegant person when i move, so i think i'd look horrible. but anyways... if i ever feel the inclination to do something dance-related, tap would be it. ok. not much journal-worthy stuff to report right now. i'm still hung over, so to speak, from my taiko nostalgia. damn, i wish i were back in school. i just felt like my concerts were not as good as the level of performance that the group can put on right now. and i want to have something spectacular under my name, too. sigh. |