| 13 apr 2001 today's been a day of ups and downs.� all related to the arrival of my camera.� up:� very excited to start playing with this little silver thing.� down:� i can't download the pictures to my computer at home or my computer at work.� OS issues.� shit.� what's the point of snapping pics if i can't store or post them anywhere? futility.� drat. i don't want to talk about it.� it's ruined a perfectly ecstatic purchase, and now it's turning into a headache. ----- last night, nbc was showing the pilot episodes of its shows, and i saw the very first _will and grace_.� i really liked it.� i admire the friendship between the two titular characters.� for those of you who don't watch the show, grace is obviously a woman, and her best friend is will, a gay man.� i liked the way that they can be really close and personal with each other without sex ever getting in the way. i wondered if i could ever such good friends with a girl.� i don't think so.� because i think that if some girl ever knew me as well as those two characters knew each other, i'd invariably end up falling in love with her.� who wouldn't want to be romantically involved with a best friend?� that to me is something heavenly.� and yeah, i usually am best friends with those women i go out with, so it's a pretty big loss when we finally break up.� but i wouldn't have it any other way. watching the show also made me think about whether i could ever be gay.� i mean, i believe that basically everyone starts out bisexual, and preference is simply that: a choice or a predilection.� some people just happen to find their own sex more attractive, and others find the oppostive sex scrumptious. but when it comes to me, i think i like females too much.� i love the female form... i adore the curves.� and the softness.� i'm fascinated by the way women think differently from me.� and the sex is really neat.� yeah.� neat.� i couldn't come with another word for it. it bugs me, though, because the anti-gay sentiment has a way of fighting both theories of homosexuality.� if it's a biological thing, then they can argue that there's got to be a "cure" of some sort.� if it's upbringing or a choice, then they say there has to be some way to behaviorally "correct" homosexuality.� it's an ugly battle. i don't see what the big deal is.� who cares?� personally, i really like seeing gay couples be affectionate in public because it shows me that they don't care what others think, and their love can't be stopped.� it's an affirming display. i watched an mtv documentary about three words that are both accepted in certain groups and abhored in others: "bitch," "faggot," and "nigger."� it was a pretty good show, laying down the lines where such potentially derogatory terms are tolerated and where they aren't.� it's a really thin line. the show made a point that perhaps there will be a day when nobody will be offended by anything.� but i wondered... what will comedy be like?� consider a staple of comedy, like _saturday night live_.� what skit doesn't make fun of a certain group of people?� the show couldn't exist without its ability to poke fun at people.� is it evil then?� if not, why is this particular show thought of as innocuous, while other forms of expression (like eminem's songs) are considered inflammatory? here's a trivia tidbit: of all the hateful epithets that eminem uses, he draws the line at "nigger."� go figure.� he uses "fag" like 18 times in his latest album.� and "bitch" is all over the place as well. there was one time when some white dude was driving next to us, and the guy yelled out "go home, chinaman" and sped off.� i don't get mad at this stuff... i just get really sad.� so many idiots out there, and they're probably never going to change.� what to do... parents gotta do a better job at educating their kids, but if they're ignorant themselves, how the hell are we supposed to go about making society more tolerant?� once again, i refer to the feeling of futility. here's something out of my huge wardrobe of baseball caps: in japan, i found this skateboard brand called "bitch."� it had a picture of a man (like the ones you see on restroom signs) holding a gun up to a woman's head.� i found it hilarious.� now i'm not so sure it's funny.� i used to wear it back when i was at school, under the guise of being immature and edgy.� but i would never wear it off campus for fear of being lynched. and i also found this "white trash" hat that had the words written under a picture of a trailer.� i bought it because i found it rather ironic that an asian guy would don something like that.� yeah.� the irony was what made it funny to me.� but once again... never off campus, and only at school. those hats are now buried in some plastic bag somewhere.� it's not appropriate for me to wear them.� yet, i saw a girl wearing the "bitch" hat a few years ago, and it seemed fine.� why is it that people of a certain group can be self-deprecating?� asians in particular do it a lot, a la margaret cho.� isn't it just as offensive, and almost pathetic to an extent?� what's so acceptable about bashing your own kind? anyways... |