| 12 apr 2001 *sniff sniff* i'm moving out of my cube. it's been a great place. well, barring those two nervous breakdowns. but anyways, yeah, like i said before, i asked for a corner cube when i joined vivace networks, and i got it. it was grand. wall space galore. posters everywhere. a college dormroom blazing out of the corner of quadrant 3 in building 1. so i've most almost all of my stuff to the other corner cube of quadrant 4. it's much smaller, and the problem is, even though i have two walls to work with, they're covered in stone or something, so i can't put anything up. what a fucking waste, dude. there goes me marking my territory with huge expanses of printed paper. my cube is empty, except all my beloved posters. they'll be the last things to go. even though today is my last day here, i still have to feel at home. odd. i'm looking around, and it's all posters of men! chow yun fat, jean reno, the rock, and the cast of _reservoir dogs_. hm. this is unusual. i develop crushes on actresses really easily, but i guess in a way, those are just phases. of my past women-crazes (winona ryder, jennifer aniston, katie holmes, etc.), the only female picture i still have up in my cube is natalie portman. it's a magazine snippet of her, back when she was like 12, doing an advertisement for the now defunct isaac, of isaac mizrahi fame. it's still one of my favorite photographs ever. of course, it's in black and white. so. surrounded by men. that's cool. i wonder, though... wouldn't it seem unprofessional and a little freaky if my cube was decorated by women? kind of juvenile, i think. so i guess i'm glad it turned out this way. the whole postering thing was an amazing discovery for me. i remember in junior high, one of my friends, david, had alyssa milano plastered all over his bedroom walls. me, being the really stupid and out-of-touch dork, asked him why he had all these similar-looking girls up on his wall. no, it did not occur to me that they were all the same person. anyways, when i got to college, i bought my first giant-sized poster. who else, but my angst-ridden soulmate, nine inch nails. yup. that was the beginning of a poster-buying spree that still trickles into my life today. well, it's tapered off tremendously, because i have way too many, and i can't bear to throw any away. i have to say, unused posters are possibly one of the biggest nuisances and wastes of space. ----- my gums hurt. my teeth ache. yeah. i went to the dentist this morning. they did that awful metallic hook scraping thing. it's always quite disgusting to see bits and pieces of juicy gum tissue hanging off the hooks when my teeth cleaner flips to the other side of the scraper. yuck! but i'll have to admit, it's oddly satisfying when she's done, and i feel my smooth teeth with my tongue... they feel smooth, and i can actually delineate the boundaries of my teeth! yeah, that's how bad of a tartar case i have. because i don't floss, so my hygienist says. oh well. i always start off really cheerful, giving friendly salutations to my cleaner person, but once she pulls out the hook, my hands just move to the armrests and grip them tightly, anticipating the pain as she goes to work. damn. it's amazing that i spend the entire time staring up at the dentist light thing, but i can't remember for the life of me what the manufacturer is; it was written on the light, and after all, that's what i'm looking at the whole time! funny how our memory is so flaky sometimes. the best thing about going to the dentist is that after the whole thing is done, you won't have to go back for another few months. that's all. i went to play basketball right afterwards. so i didn't get into work until past 2pm. i'm so bad. ----- i've gotten a few comments from friends about how personal my site is. i take that as a compliment. personally, i don't think that i've done anything extraordinarily exhibitionistic. i think the stuff i've written about kristie and emi have been the most personal, but mainly because they have the potential to be alienating. this journal thing is for me to keep track of my days, so they don't all run together like a big blur. i absolutely hate the idea that some of my years, particularly my pre-college days and the first few years after graduation, went undocumented, and i can't remember any distinguishing moment from those times. so that's why i document. so i can remember. and yet, i'm not going to let this get out of hand so i start losing out on the present because i'm focusing so much on the past. but anyways. this thing here is for me. and the neat twist now is that it's out in the open for anybody to read. so i have an implicit audience. what does that mean to me? first and foremost, it means that i have to be careful with what i say. not because i'm worried about revealing too much about myself, but because i don't want to damage my relationship with anybody else. hence my concern about alienation. but hey. if you're reading this, the only thing i have to say is thank you. for taking your time to find out what are simply blips in my brain that i'm putting down on electronic paper. some of you may know me, so after reading this, give me a call or something. others who i don't know, do what you will. lurkers are welcome. if you feel so inclined to blitz me, then drop me an e-mail. it's just an added bonus, that's all. |