| 11 apr 2001 i have this huge bug bite on my ass. argh. it hurts, and when i scratch it, i get this crazy warm burning sensation. stupid insects. i guess that's a price you have to pay when you sleep naked, huh? i remember falling asleep and hearing this faint buzzing sound over my head. and i thought, "oh shit. i'm going to be bitten tonight and wake up with some itchies in random places." i think i was woken up even by some stinging feeling, and immediately i started scratching. yuck. i miss my crazy stressed-out dreams. lately, i've consciously noticed those minutes right before i conk out in bed. after my brain settles down from all my hyper thoughts, i get this kind of light-headed woozy feeling, and right then, i know for sure that i won't remember the next few minutes of my existence. "retrograde amnesia." that's what you get when you fall asleep; you forget the past five minutes. heh, it's the only thing i learned in the sleep and dreams class i took (and failed due to neglect) at stanford. i wonder how it feels the moment i enter sleep. at what point does my consciousness cease to be in the real world and enter a new state? i wonder. but i repeat... "retrograde amnesia." it's useless. ----- i wonder why i'm so psyched about my camera. it's not like i'm going to have time to turn this silly geocities website into a colossal photo-montage like eric's or adam's site. first, i don't have the skills. second, i don't have the time or the dedication. i think it's a classic case of buyer's euphoria. i will, however, enjoy the fact that i won't have to wait to see what my picture looks like. no more trips to the photo store to get my pics developed, no more waiting for a few days shivering in anticipation over seeing my buddies enshrined on paper. hrmph. i'm pursing my lips right now. how much does my silver fetish rule my disposition? am i just excited at the fact that i'll have a new sex toy to play with? how long does THAT last? sheesh, man. get a grip, dardy. i don't like it when i act all irrational. wait i take it back. i don't like being irrational due to inanimate objects. going nuts over friends and loved ones is fine with me. but over a piece of sony-branded aluminum-cased micro-electronic technological marvel? hm. that sounded good. i guess i'm a geek then. ----- my mom was once disturbed by the fact that my brother randy had fantasies about being famous. for him, it's being a world-reknowned tennis pro. i didn't too much about it and said that it's just a phase. but yesterday, after roaming about the web looking at people's webpages, i had this huge itch, this wish... to be known all over the world. like people would say, "yeah, dardy! i know him! he's that yellow bird guy who writes!" i guess everybody wants to be loved, and one way to be loved is to be recognized. exposure brings attention. attention brings affection. so would i handle the papparazzi gracefully? i think so. i don't mind having my fragile and personal thoughts plastered in a public domain. AFK. (two hours later) i just got back from visiting one of our partner companies. it was totally frustrating and a complete waste of time. those guys obviously didn't care about our request for them to test something, and it's just all fucked up. anyways. yeah. i don't mind my life being out in the open. i'm kind of exhibitionistic, i guess. argh. my train of thought is all messed up from being upset of the company visit. i'll talk later. |