| 2 apr 2001 i'm not used to daylight savings yet. it's just an hour, but i guess i'm really sensitive to the amount of sleep i get. i couldn't get up this morning. i snoozed like 10 times (yes, that's about an hour and a half of snoozing). i would have turned off my alarm had i not have been worried about sleeping past noon and getting to work really really late. ever since my horrible nervous breakdown last november, my sleeping habits have changed. now, there are three differences: 1) i can no longer sleep with my wristwatch on. 2) i have to get up at night and go to the bathroom. 3) i wake up at the very first sign of light. it's weird. because i've never been bothered by those three things before. i think something snapped in my brain. at its worst, the light sensitivity was a real problem. because of daylight savings back in november, it got light at around 5:30am, and after that, i couldn't go back to selep again. and i also had a bout of insomnia, so i got about 3 hours of sleep a night for a few days straight. i was pretty much a walking zombie. ----- i went to the morgan hill haru matsuri ("spring festival" in japanese) and taiko expo on sunday, to support stanford taiko's performance and to check out san jose taiko's repertoire. i'm kind of in taiko limbo right now. on one hand, i'm four years removed from my stanford days, but i still have quite an emotional attachment to the group. on the other hand, i'm in a two-year audition phase for san jose taiko, but i haven't developed a bond with the other members yet, mainly because i'm not an official member. i talk a lot about taiko because it's a bit part of my life. i would have never guessed that i would/could care about something so much. i mean, i played piano for 9 years, and i never felt such a love for the art form. i can't really explain what drumming does, except that the rhythm gets into your soul, so that everything you hear is a source of beats and sounds. whenever i listen to a song on the radio, i start drumming with my fingers or thinking about the tempo and accents. i've seen the same thing with marching band drummer, where they're always tapping away to some mental rhythm. i think rhythm has become a permanent aspect of my thinking. i found out from emi that shoji plans to start a group in about a year, not three years. so that kind of worries me because i want to keep working for a few more years so i can save up money and vest my stock options. we'll see. like i said, ideally my company will do very well, so i can retire and support my artistic pursuit. geez. that sounds like something far-fetched and rather improbable, right? retiring before 30? in this new age of economic downturn? hm. i wonder if i'm just kidding myself. anyways, haru matsuri was a fun experience. the weather was perfect for my tastes: sunny and breezy. i worse this polyester shirt that was cool against my skin, so i had this nice duality of the warm sun spiced with little chills along my back and arms. i felt at home among all the taiko players. if i pursue it as my livelihood, then these people are my peers and colleagues! i saw this really cute boy who was eating some rice, and he just stuck his face into the small styrofoam bowl and scoveled. so he had rice all over his face, kind of like a rice goatee. everybody was laughing at him (kindly), and he just ran around, exclaiming, "i love gohan!" (gohan = rice in japanese). oh, and all seems well on the jo-ann/ricky front. they were two of the six stanford taiko members who played yesterday, so i hung out with them. i think i'm still fine! the amazing thing is that i really like ricky; i harbor no ill feelings about the fact that he's going out with a girl that i was in love with for over a year. that's good. i hope this is a sign of my maturity and not some kind of weird fluke in my emotional state. i vaguely recall how disappointed i was a few weeks ago, but i can't get myself to feel bad any more. yay. ok. the company ordered indian food AGAIN for dinner. this is getting out of hand. i had it last night as well. so that makes 5 indian meals in 8 days. i hope i don't get sick of it. i've gotten sick of foods i used ot love. like baby corn. and other stuff that i'm sure i'll think of when i have the time. i had developing an averse feeling towards a good item, because it ends the potential enjoyment of something, and it's just all my fault for overdoing it. hopefully i'll leave soon after dinner and catch the men's NCAA basketball finals. i do believe that the two best teams are playing, so it should be good. of course i'll be rooting for arizona. down with duke! |