| 31 may 2002 "and now you met your match as i drain out your power and make you stop like a seiko sports watch" hm. interesting rap. so i am IMing to mike about love. he is a big champion of it. sort of like ally mcbeal. he was sort of dismayed to find out that some people choose financial security over sublime love (posed as a question of which one you would choose if you could only have one). but i was saying, basically love is a luxury. security is something every person in the world has to deal with, and it's something we all need; regular sustained nourishment, a roof over our heads, medical care. and sad as it may seem, love is not a necessity. plenty of people live without it, and while i would say that maybe their lives might be incomplete, but point is that it is possible to do without it. but methinks that nobody would pass up the opportunity to establish security in their lives. there were times when i would find myself tortured over women. like, "does she like me?" "which women should i choose?" "oh, the rollercoaster!" and after bitching and venting to friends about my romantic dilemmas, i've often told myself, "you know, i'm actually really lucky to be going through all this heartache." so monogamy has been shown in nature. but what about romantic love? i wonder how it ever evolved to be a part of us. it seems to be deeper than just a convention of society, but i have no evidence that it isn't just that. yup. i am a hybrid of the pragmatic and romantic, and that simply means that i am really selfish and want it all. and i am very aware that i am really lucky to be in a position to say this. ----- so i am getting some more responses on the whole "queen" thing. the cool thing is that i am hearing from women, because i really want to know what they think about the issue. hopefully this is the final clarification, but i am NOT saying that men shouldn't treat women well. that's essential. a good relationship includes random acts of sublime love, of course. but i am just wary of doing anything that would spoil the girl into taking me for granted, and more importantly, my rant was targetted at people who expect and demand a certain kind of high maintenance treatment. i agree that in the best case, good treatment should just happen naturally, but the moment it becomes an obligation, all value is lost. ----- last night, i saw _unfaithful_ with ting. i have this recent thing for diane lane, and while the movie was sort of steamy in some scenes, they actually got away with only very brief passing shots of nudity. like, there were nipples flashed a few times, but no extended views. i haven't seen middle-aged boobs in a while. i mean, they weren't superperky, but they weren't totally saggy either. but they did seem a little deflated. just a tad. the crowd was the WORST i have ever been with. i mean, there were only like 15 people there, so what are the odds that some of the most infuriatingly obnoxious people would be there? first, there was the couple with two kids there. i mean, the kids were like 3 and 5, and one of them would babble intermittently throughout the movie. and who the hell takes little kids to a movie like this? (i hope it's because they had no one to babysit.) and 20 minutes in, a group of 5 girls or so rustled in noisily and sat right behind us. then they proceeded to zip and unzip their purses. and laugh loudly at stuff that wasn't even funny. then i heard beeping noises are one of them messaged someone on her phone. 10 minutes later, two of them went to get popcorn, and when they came back, they asked, "so what happened?" which was followed by a loud conversation about the plot. cell phones rang (i think theaters should impose a $50 fine on this), and one of the girls even went as far as to hold a conversation with her dad. WHAT THE FUCK? anyways, i was super-pissed. it has been a long long time since i felt this strong an urge to slap somebody. overall, i was looking for the movie to delve further into why a person would have an affair in a seemingly loving marriage. i mean, besides the excitement of having a much younger, hotter partner. i think the newness was a big thing. there is this thing that i call "a relationship virginity." even though you may have had sex before, the first time with someone new is still very poignant. you're learning for the first time all these intimate details of a sexual stranger, from the way they touch to how they kiss to how your genitals feel together. and once you sleep together for the first time, that mystique is lost. i'm not saying that sex can't be fabulous after that, but i guess some people really crave that newness. i was sort of disappointed to see that in the end the movie moved away from how the couple deals with the affair and focused on something else. oh well. i can't recommend this film, but seeing diane lane was worth it to me. i was thinking that maybe she fulfilled some sort of oedipal complex, maybe it's more about her character being someone i would like to settle down with in my middle age. ----- last night, i was watching tv at like 1am, and suddenly all the channels went into an emergency broadcast mode. instead of the typical colorbars, they had this nasty green screen. and then there was that psychotic monotone ringing sound. it spooked the shit out of me. for the first time in a while, i was afraid of being alone. hey, how do you pad an empty e-mail file to be over 100KB? i get these occasionally, probably due to the bored annoying people who want to harrass me. there are no attachments, and there is no body. so i was thinking the header must be stuffed with a bunch of shit, but i had my mail readers display the full header, and it's still small! hm. i got my _kissing jessica stein_ movie poster. it's double-sided. and on the back, it's the same image, only reversed, as if the paper was clear, and the front image shows up backwards on the other side. can someone explain to me what's the use of the mirror-image back side? please? i mean, since it's 2-sided, you'd think it was meant to be put on windows. but the backside will always be backwards unless you are looking at it through a mirror or something, right? jay came by last night to get some of his remaining stuff. it was weird, seeing him and realizing that this was no longer his place any more. i mean, i didn't feel strange all when i was helping him move his big furniture, but for whatever reason, this time it was more final. oh sigh. good bye jay! it was a good year. i had a dream last night that i was buying clothes that actually made statements. i mean, *literally*. when i looked at a sweater, for example, there was a placard next to it that said, "this sweater shows that you have an artistic mind, etc." very strange. i saw a guy with a timbuk2 bag today. i just got my messenger bag in the mail, and i have the urge to wear it around. i've heard their stuff is hella durable. they say their bags are for heavy-duty messengers, but how many of those-type people are there? if you need to deliver something, don't you just mail it? anyways, you get to design your own color scheme, so i got royal blue/silver/royal blue. i wanted to change the blue to red, but the order had already gone to manufacturing. but then again, this bag now matches my entire living room, so that's not too shabby, right? i want to take pictures this weekend. my camera's sitting in the car right now, ready to go. ah, the end of may. this was a good month. even better than april! the bad news: the streak has to end some time, right? fuck. |