| 14 may 2002 "i want you to see me as a lawyer... and a sexual object. could you do that for me?" boy. i just tried jack in the box's spicy cheddar potato wedges. not so good. heavy shit. and not even that spicy. now i feel sick and disappointed. yes, it was pretty decadent, but it delivered none of the benefits. for whatever reason, i am letting loose with my bodily functions in this new office. after the indian food yesterday, i was farting up a storm all afternoon and night. and now i'm burping with pizzazz. must stop. back at vivace, some of the women there complained that coworkers (like me) were being rude with this sort of stuff. i kind of figured that i was one of the chief perpetrators. so during basketball today, after sitting down for a while, a special phallic appendage of mine (well, there's only one) became NUMB. yeah, so i was shooting for teams, and when i lined up at the free throw line, i felt this weird detached yet painfully buzzing feeling in my crotch. how the hell does the penis become numb? it's never happened to me before. but i walked away, slapped it around a little, and after a while the blood flowed back in. strange. so, HOW WAS THE EARTHQUAKE? i was sitting there at 10pm, watching tv, and suddenly, stuff began to shake. i looked over, and the screen door was shaking. i got up, and i was sort of paralyzed as to whether i should crawl under my desk or stand under a doorway. scary shit! the richter scale is on a log base 10 system (i think), and that was a 5.2, so the loma prieta earthquake in 1989 was at least a 7... so that means it was 100 times stronger! man, that must really fuck things up. sometimes, espn drops out and gets replaced by espn classic. what the hell is up with that? here i am, all set to commiserate with my poor dallas mavericks in their season-ending highlights, and what, they put on some lame baseball game from 1996? sheeiiit. so i switched over to espn2, and watched pti. that has got to be one of the best shows on tv today (if you care about sports, that is). i saw this commercial yesterday: dreyer's ice cream with WAFFLE CONE chunks. neat! i think their next flavor should be something like "schizophrenic surprise," with little tablets of haldol blended in. speaking of antipsychotic medication, _ally_ last night featured a woman with two personalities. they were talking about dosing her with risperidone (risperal) to basically crush her undesirable personality. and the moment they mentioned the drug, margaret and i looked at each other with wide eyes. dude, that's what i'm on! i'm not sure if everything they said about the drug was accurate, but it definitely amused me that my tourette's medication made it into a tv script. there's something morbidly fascinating about knowing that i'm on medication that can be used to atom bomb multiple personality disorder. the world cup is coming up. four years ago, when it was in france, i was working at teralogic on castro, and every day we went to the irish pub down the street to have lunch and watch whatever game was on. it was really fun. i mean, i don't really care for soccer, but seeing how crazy other countries are about it just gets really infectious. especially when the french team won; one of our managers was french, and he was just beaming for the weeks afterwards. the burn for the a new digital camera is flickering out. it's still there, but i think i can be more reasonable about making the decision now. the bottom line is that the dsc-f707 probably would have done badly if i had tried to take pictures with it at the taiko rehearsal... i would need a higher ISO setting than 400. plus, if i really want a camera with features that i can grow into, i know i should go with the canon g2. but dude, that camera is CHAMPAGNE. *blech* despite all the reservations, i want the sony. the lust cannot be vanquished. and i know that once i get it, i'll be happy with it. the ultimate test of whether i should buy something is asking myself, "would i get it if somebody gave me a million bucks?" believe it or not, with all that money, i wouldn't get a better car. or a fancier computer. or the canon g2. but i would get the f707. it passes the test. i was researching all the little add-ons that i could get for the f707. stuff like a remote tripod, wide-angle lens attachment, lens hood, etc. i wish photography weren't such an expensive hobby. because really, it is just a hobby for me right now. since i currently have such a small camera, bringing it with me to places doesn't intrude into my lifestyle. but once i get a bigger camera, i am not looking forward to it becoming a burden. so it's all set. the tickets are in my wallet. tomorrow night. 12:01am thursday morning. _star wars_. i'm going with adam and dishi. with all the glowing reviews, and all the lambasting reviews, i really have given up reading stuff beforehand. i mean, i know the dialogue is going to suck; lucas was never good at it. all i care about is being wowed by the images and most importantly, seeing the jedis kick ass with their lightsabers. who wouldn't want to see yoda fuck somebody up? my mom just called. as much as i love her, i wonder if she will ever understand me. i tell her about my attachment to stanford, missing my friends, wanting to buy a new camera, and without fail, she always comes back with, "in the end, all you need is god. he's the only one who can bring true happiness." it's not exactly frustrating, but i definitely feel like we will perpetually be at an impasse. i need to pump my teenage brother for information on what's cool in music these days. funny thing, a friend of a friend decided to start dj'ing, and he did a gig at some dorm party at stanford, and all the kids HATED his music. they were like, "what the hell is this old school shit?" haha. i dread the day when i am considered an old fart. and what's worse, that day may have already come. i really like that volvo commercial where the couple in the car are driving along, and they screech to a halt when a kid chases his ball into the street. the woman in the passenger's side opens up a pizza, and all these cheese and pepperoni have slid off the front end. the two look at each other, and the guy peels out... and fixes the pizza! "isn't 60 to 0 as important to you as 0 to 60?" nice! volvo's rock. they have amazing turning radii. actually, going back to my million dollar question, maybe i'd buy a volvo if i had the money. i have a soft spot in my heart for those cars, because girls i've loved in the past had them. funny how adoration for another person can result in an affinity for objects that they're associated with. and likewise, it's interesting how we can develop an abhorrence for those objects just as easily, depending on how the relationship ended. i had a nice warm fuzzy feeling when i got some good e-mail this morning. most of the stuff i get is spam crap, but this morning i arrived to nice e-mails from emi and alex. i love getting good e-mail. it's amusing hanging out with peter and ting, because more often than other people, they bring up stuff that i've written about in my journal. we'll be talking, and suddenly one of them will slyly say something that makes me stop and think, "hm. did i tell them that? ahhhh. yes. they read about it." it's kind of a neat feeling. strange, but neat. i wish i could find a way to combine the exhilarating freedom of being single with the utter bliss of being in a relationship. that may very well be one of the secrets of life. i felt this wonderful soft stroking feeling on my back today when i was sitting on the sidelines during a basketball break, and the wind rippled through my t-shirt. this would probably qualify as one of enjelani's "blip of the radar" observations, except that she'd make it sound more eloquent by a couple of notches at the very least. i'm getting attached to the new single from the pet shop boys, "home and dry." my bonus cd has a video of that song, and most of the footage shows two little mice running around a railroad track at some british train station. combined with the song, the video left a really lonely and sad feeling lingering in my brain. something about seeing little helpless creatures wandering around a foreign manmade metallic world... it makes me feel small. ok. must do some coding now. "oh tonight i miss you oh tonight i wish you could be here with me but i won't see you till you've made it back again home and dry" |