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| 9 may 2002 man, i was tired yesterday. since friday, my average sleep time has been 3am. it finally hit me yesterday, and around 4pm, i just couldn't function any more. ok. so yesterday, carol and i went to black pearl. it's this new balls place on california ave in palo alto. i know the owner! he's alex, and i met him when i was still with k2 after i graduated, and still going to those lambda parties. alex was the president one year. nice guy. apparently he's an ex-dot-commer and now he's using the proceeds from his previous job to open up a tea house. anyways, i tried the basic black pearl tea ($3.00). most other flavors are $0.50 more. carol and i both thought the tea wasn't sweet enough, and i clamored for more pearls. the cool thing, though, is that alex is still tuning his process, so he came out and asked us for honest comments. after carol told him she hoped the tea was sweeter, he actually went in and whipped up a new one for her (for free!), and he even tasted the tea before he handed it to her. the place is open until midnight most days and 2am other days. the drink is bigger than the two i tried this past saturday, and i guess if they fix the tea and add more pearls, it'll be pretty decent. i give it a 6/10. but! the best thing was that they had these shrimp chips. remember monday? how i ate a whole bag and took a 560 calorie hit? well, i picked up another bag, and the cashier girl (who was a total space cadet) said that the WASABI ones were better. who am i to turn down wasabi shrimp chips? and she was right. they were the shiznit! so the two pictures up there are labelled "polite" (left) and "rude" (right). (by the way, note the stanford taiko spring concert poster in the background. the concert is tomorrow night, may 10 at 8pm! come! tickets are available at tresidder, i think. call 1-650-725-ARTS) but anyways, the way i see it, eating one shrimp chip at a time isn't efficient, so i prefer drinking them. but carol said it was kind of rude to do it, so i sort of held off, at least until she didn't want any more. and then i just didn't care any more, and i drank them any way. damn they were good. i must find where i can buy them. sometimes i wonder if people think i'm totally uncouth. i'm not sure if i really care. i mean, the struggle within in me is that i want to be as uncomfortable as possible, yet i don't want to piss anybody off. i can see the point for some basic manners (from mainly a health perspective), like not sniffing communal food or covering your mouth when you sneeze and stuff like that. but as for arbitrary conventional behavioral boundaries, i tend to disregard them. i have some sort of weird reaction where i think "refined" manners are aristocratic holdovers from a conservative society. it's not something i want to support, you know? after we finished our tea, i got a double mini-meals at this literal hole-in-the-wall chinese place. while the guy deep-fried my food, i had a nice brief conversation with carol in mandarin. somehow, though, i feel kind of weird talking to someone in mandarin when english is available as an option. it makes me feel bad. it's like those ethnocentric people who stubbornly use their foreign language to lord themselves over people outside their group. exclusionary fuckers. man, that pisses me off. the greasy chinese food i got kind of wrecked my system. the whole night i was burping the stuff, and i could taste it even 5-6 hours after i ate the stuff. in my rebirth from depression, i've find that i get really strong reactions to certain things. more and more things just rub me the wrong way. if you hang out with me enough, chances are you'll get a full-blown rant. i decided that one of the true signs of a good sense of humor is whether that person can do impressions. i'm not talking about mimicking a celebrity perfectly, but i'm talking about having the imagination to alter your voice and diction and mannerisms. autistic children have a difficulty in recognizing that other people are independent creatures. fascinating! apparently, when kids hit 2 years old or something, they are supposed to go through this process where they realize that other people are separate entities with their own agendas. and when they experiment and test the limits of these other beings, the frustration they experience is what gives this age the term "terrible two's." i mean, this stuff is cool shit! so apparently autistic kids miss this step. so they have no idea that other people see life differently than they do. and hence, they don't know how to lie. WOW! last night, i made version b of my aggro cd. lately, i've been really wrapped up in making cd mixes. i got some new cd's in (icelandic band quarashi and x-ecutioners), so i swapped out some songs that i put on my aggro mix because of artistic merit (808 state, front 242, recoil), and put in some truly moshable stuff. one more step towards having the perfect cd to smash things to. when i was a kid, i like beating things up. i would hold WWF wrestling matches in my parents' bedroom, body slamming and DDT'ing pillows on the bed bed. i took shaolin kung fu for a while, so i had this wooden sword. and when my brother was a baby, we had this wall of new diapers in one of the rooms (god bless places like costco). and i would spar the diaper bags, stabbing them left and right. and then my parents would open up the bags and find that a lot of the diapers had been punctured. whoops. if somebody ever tells you that he loves your faults, it's a load of crap. i can understand loving somebody "despite" your faults. uh oh. basketball awaits. damn, whenever i play ball, i forget my train of thought. here's a link to an article a friend sent me about the growing trend of people in asia watching internet porn. i was surprised that japan didn't rank up here, but then again, there's soft-core porn everywhere in japan, including all the local convenience stores. last i read, there are over 200 THOUSAND porn sites out there. and apparently some make quite a bit of money. i shudder to think how repressed man would be if there wasn't porn in this world. i bet there'd be a lot more crime and abuse. and thanks to chris, it's PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! it gets just a bit old at the end, but it's cute! you know what makes me feel ill? flattery. it's disgusting shit. so last night, i was watching some show on prosthetics, and there was one woman who got hit with this flesh-eating bacteria. they showed some really gruesome pictures of her body, and her fingers are toes were literally BLACK. it was nasty shit. in the end, they had to amputate her legs below the knee and most of her fingers. i got really disturbed, and i was thinking about all the crazy stuff that happens to people. and how doctors and activists and other people fight so hard to make the world a better place for all of us. then, i got up and wrote this on my computer: man is the only creature that is arrogant enough to believe that it can fight nature, to strive for a vision of utopia. granted, it is definitely the most capable creature to achieve that goal, but still, in the end, it's got to be man that loses. yes, we can do our best, we can do what we can, but sometimes i wonder if we are deluding ourselves with our nobility. (or is it selfishness and stubborness?) and i want to believe that we can make life worth living for everyone, but i just don't think the merciless universe will ever work that way. so in recognition of this conclusion, i'm not quite sure how to react. i think that my problem lies in that i want a complete and utter domination and understanding of the universe, an unconditional victory. but maybe... just a small victory is good enough. i have to see life beyond the absolutes. *shrug* seems to mean more to me last night when i wrote it. last thought: what is the physiological explanation of an orgasm? how did we evolve to have these things? (not that i'm complaining.) but nature for procreation's sake does not necessitate that we have orgasms... only male ejaculation. (according to tantra, a male orgasm can be wholly separated from ejaculation, so they claim there are ways to just get the former and make it last for like hours; i must check that stuff out one of these days.) but anyways, what function does an orgasm serve? and do other animals have them? if they do, how come they don't seem to hump all the time when i go to the zoo? there was one time i was in japan, and my host family was watching two bats get on. the male bat had these little black genitals, and while both of them were hanging upside down on a tree branch, the guy was giving the girl bat head. it was pretty amazing. unfortunately, my host family didn't think so, and one of them grumbled something in japanese and changed the channel before the real action started. |