| 8 may 2002 "the ruiner he's got lots to prove he's got nothing to lose and now he made you believe the ruiner's your only friend well he's the living end to the cattle he deceives the raping of the innocent, you know the ruiner ruins everything he sees and now the only pure thing left in my fucking world is wearing your disease" ah, the anguish. when i saw nine inch nails in concert junior year, the one song i really wanted to hear was "ruiner." and when the intro kicked in, my friend mike and i looked at each other, gave each other a high five, and moshed like hell. i don't understand moshing any more. i mean, if it's a "civilized" way to vent your anger, then the more power to you... but do people really have that many violent tendencies? last night, i was listening to my lounging mix. it's nice, but it's not perfect. there's a subtle difference between lounging music, pretty music, soft music, sleeping music, etc. lounging stuff needs to give an impression not only that it's lazy, but it's damn good to be lazy. and while i was lying there, listening, there were some songs where i thought, "dude. this would be good sex music." interesting how there is a blurry line between songs that make you want to do nothing, and songs that make you want to something much more sublime. or maybe the point is that lounging and sex are *both* sublime. i was really fucked up last night. _buffy_ totally shocked the hell out of me. i mean, it was going along just fine (with this really funny jetpack sequence), and at the end, the final thirty seconds just blew me away. when i was driving to bowling, no amount of peppy happy music could tear my mind from what i had witnessed on the show. there has NEVER been a time when i have wanted to see the next episode more. somebody is going to kick some major ass next week. adam showed up at bowling last night! here is his recap of his first bowling outing with the group. the first picture of me shows off my ability to flare my nostrils at will. sometimes i fantasize that i'm a bull or something, and that i can spout out smoke from my nostrils. hey, wait a minute. i can do that! (when i'm having a cigarette) our bowling group was pretty large last night. it was a nice change, compared to the rather intimate gatherings that have taken place for the past month. i find that i can get really silly and weird when i'm with this group. some day i'm going to sit down and think about why i'm all wacked out among certain people and why i'm not like that among others. two times recently, mike has asked me why i am a certain way (why i'm so paranoid about what other people think and whether or not i think all girls are catty backstabbing types). sometimes he comes across in a slightly admonishing way, but i really don't mind. i think that i'm the type of person who can totally carried away in the moment, and i kind of need others to keep me in line. like that whole sniffing thing that jay rebuked me for... i'm working on it. still, though, when i see a container of hot sauce at a restaurant, i get an overwhelming urge to stick my nose in it and take a huge whiff. but like he said, that'll spread my germs all over the place. so i might fight the compulsion. i like it when people question why i am. and sometimes i even enjoy it when they give me shit for stuff. i think it keeps me on my toes, and most importantly, it makes me think about whether i'm doing something wrong. and ultimately, it makes me a better person. it's pretty easy for me to forget about the impression i make on others, and even though i want to say i don't give a shit what other people think, some things are just common courtesy, you know? so _felicity_ is in a "rewind" countdown to the end of the series. the show basically ended two weeks ago, and now they're having fun in the last four episodes by construing an "alternate" reality, where she picks noel instead of ben. (which i'm glad to see, because ben is a fucking baby.) so, while i was watching it last week, i was thinking... if we know what the future will bring us, is that beneficial knowledge? would you do something about it? is it always better to pick a different outcome if the original one is bad? i'm not so sure. i mean, you might think an alternative path might be preferable to the normal one, but you have to remember that you really have no idea what the new path would be like. you're comparing a hypothetical situation to a known one. ok. this made a lot more sense a few days ago. yesterday, only 5 people showed up on the basketball court. so we wound playing all these 2-on-2 games. it's hella tiring. with only two people, the guy without the ball has to keep running around to get open. during the last game, will and i were both dead tired. i was close to wheezing, and i announced that even though we were one point away from winning, i was forfeiting. then, peter, always the one to berate me with his trash talk, called me a wuss, so i huffed back on the court and declared, "will, let's finish this." he inbounded, passed me the ball, where i posted up on peter just outside the box. i faked left, and then rolled into the paint, launching a rainbow floater over both steve and peter that went swished in. it was like a scene from a movie or something. it was the perfect ending, and the reality of it was that i had been blessed with the proper mix of determination and sheer fortune. i think i found the resonant frequency of my shower last night. i was humming this lightning seeds song while soaping up, and when i heart a certain note, the shower stall gave back this incredible reverb. i was sort of taken aback, and when i repeated that melody, the place just hummed back. then, i started to do this rising and falling glissando around the pitch. i hope jay and margaret didn't hear me, because it must have sounded really funny. i'm current enamoured with two songs. the first is the pet shop boys' trance mix of "home and dry." and the second one is a song i must have listened to ten times last night. it's elwood's "sundown," a groovy southern-style hip-hop remake of the old gordon lightfoot tune. it's the most addicted i've been since i got a crush on britney's "lucky." i first saw "sundown" song on this gateway computer commercial, where the truck driver and a cow are singing along. i was like, "dude. this is cool shit" and did my research. amazon shipped out the cd weeks ago, it never came, and they had to ship it out again, and i finally got it last night. that's a lot of anticipation, you know... hm. i have lost my train of thought. i just got out of a 2-hour meeting. you know how weird it would be if one day you woke up and found a tooth growing out of your nose? well, a very select few of my pubes are like that. they just pop up, and i'm like, "hey little guy, what the hell are you doing here?" so i finally decided last week to pluck them. i was prepared for some majorly EXQUISITE pain, but maybe i was too tense; either way, it didn't hurt that much. it was nothing like plucking nose hairs, which can make my eyes totally tear up. the one thing that may be worse is plucking ass hair, but that's something i'm not inclined to try. |