| 2 may 2002 "how can i GROW if you don't let me BLOW?" why *is* it called a "blowjob?" my online dictionary isn't helping me. it reminds me, though. health tip: DO NOT TRY TO INFLATE THE VAGINA. yup. i really don't know who had the ridiculous notion of trying to blow a girl up like a pufferfish, but apparently it can be pretty deadly. i vaguely remember the word "embolism" somewhere in the article. one day, i'm going to write one of these entries at night. they'd be so much better that way. last night, i went to bed at 1am, and for the next hour, my brain just launched into a huge stream of consciousness. basically, unless i'm hooked on a song, i'm always carrying out a conversation in my brain. a conversation with no one and everyone at the same time. the problem is, the moment i try to type my thoughts out or even say them out loud, i lose a lot of the elegance and fluidity. so i'm not quite sure how i'd capture the stuff. but all i know is that last night, i just kept thinking and thinking, and eventually i got up at 2am to e-mail myself some residual thoughts, and i had a smoke to calm my brain and body down. after that, i fell asleep pretty fast. so i guess some online journalists in the city met up earlier. i heard the intial buzz on tuesday when i talked to rita. four of the girls met up, and i thought how it was like the parallel of what happened to me and four other online guys last year. it seems the girls got along today, because they're gushing about each other on their blogs today. i was curious that some of them were nervous about the encounter. i guess i was kind of nervous when i went to mine, too. my main concern was that i didn't want to meet any ubertools. meeting online journalists for the first time is sort of a dangerous thing. because you know that there will be certain consequences from the event. they will write about you, and you will write about them. it's expected; and if you don't write about it, you'll seem like a dick. and what's worse, you can only write good stuff... i'm not sure how much pressure there is to kiss ass, but honestly, if you thought the person was lame, would you have the balls to say it? i know i don't. luckily, most of my online meetings have been good, so there's been no need to write anything fake. knowing me, though, what i'd probably do if i found the person uninteresting is that i'd write one sentence (if that) and move on to the next topic. better to seem apathetic than to seem antagonistic. speaking of online people, i redid my daily dose page today. i went through and put only those sites that i actually visit on a daily basis. i think i had some old journal that i don't read any more, or others that i simply lost interest in. last night, i thought about the way i write. i decided that if i subconsciously try to emulate someone, it's nicholson baker. i'm surprised, because for a while i used to really admire douglas coupland. both authors are really good with pop culture, but coupland's forte is more with using just these perfect descriptions and catchphrases. and as much as i like his stuff (_microserfs_ is my favorite), sometimes i think he tries too hard to be hip. baker, on the other hand, is really keen on well-developed observations on things that we know about but don't consciously realize we know. like in the book _the mezzanine_, this guy expounds on stuff like shoelaces and milk carton spouts while taking his daily trip up the escalator to the office. mundane stuff like that. yup. mundane, yet... interesting. that's what i want to be. one of the best books i've ever read is nicholson baker's _vox_. but once i describe it, i know you're going to throw up your arms and say "ah, typical super-perv dardy." the entire book is a conversation between two people on a phone sex line. but you have to understand that it's so much more than just the occasional sex talk. the two people talk about all this random shit, but and dialogue and ideas are just fascinating. k1 used to write in this really pretentious "i know all about pop culture and you don't" way. i mean, in some ways, she really *is* a culture maven, but it just came across really condescendingly when she wrote articles in _the stanford daily_. i even remember once, i was making a new .sig file, and one of the last lines was, "my ex thinks she's douglas coupland." ah... the bitterness. so tell me if this makes sense at all. so a person is happy. he starts feeling good about himself. that leads to self-confidence and ultimately arrogance. and then the arrogance makes him selfish, impatient, and irritable. and finally, he's just bitching out at the rest of the world. and there its. a man who is happy and bitchy at the same time. [dawson's spoilers this paragraph] dude. so last night, i was trying to understand pacey's train of thought. so he thinks audrey just dumped him, his brain is going, "hm. it looks like i'll never get to bang audrey again, so damn, i need to fuck right now, and look here! the first available poon is this alex girl. so i guess i'll just do her. oh well. here i go." i mean, the way he kissed alex just seemed like one of those "*shrug* well what can you do..." resignations. i really didn't understand it. or rather, maybe i can understand, but i can't identify with it. as much as i try to be a champion for free sex, my obssession with the consequences always paralyzes me. the show did remind me of one thing, though. it reminded me of how easy it is for a person to have sex once the virginity barrier has been broken. i mean, lots of people wait and wait for that supposed cosmic galactic transcendental orgasmic moment when everything is fucking perfect (literally), but when it finally happens, i think the reality is that sex is just as mundane as brushing your teeth. i mean, it's much much more fun, but still... it's a vastly eye-opening demystifying process. and once that's happened, that incredible moral barrier kind of vaporizes, and the slut quotient builds. i don't think it's a bad thing, by the way. (more dawson's rants) and i'm tired of the cliche where some poor slob of the student misses and entire semester of classes, only to pull ONE all-nighter and pass the final exam. i had to tape the WB shows last night because jay wanted to watch _jay and silent bob strike back_. yup. i saw it a third time. i was especially interested in my favorite part, where the four girls come out of their van dressed in body-hugging black latex jumpsuits. fucking luscious. i love how this movie is utterly gratuitous and doesn't even try to justify itself. that's balls. why is black latex clothing so hot? i mean, it *looks* really uncomfortable. lots of chafing. poor breathability. is it because it's so tight and form-fitting, and on top of that, black is a slimming color? i dunno. but for another quasi-fetish-gear outfit movie, check out _blade II_. and of course everyone remembers carrie anne-moss's outfits in _the matrix_. i miss eating cereal. jay had this box of kellogg's special k with strawberry pieces. i mean, there are real freeze-dried strawberries in the box! (i bet carol would like these.) but anyways, i poured some in my hand and ate them dry, and holy shit i love special k. now i'm tempted to buy myself some milk. oh. and i need to get a nice big cereal bowl. by the way, mike, i think you're supposed to drink the extra milk when all the cereal is gone. either that or pour yourself another bowl and keep chowing. there is a huge difference between people who *are* cute and people who *act* cute. the former is highly desirable. the latter is forced, annoying, and ultimately sad. and no offense to this girl, but i watched that vanessa carlton video, and the vibe i'm getting is that she is trying way too hard to be demure and sweet. hence the wretching i experience when i hear this song on the radio (which is pretty damn often). last thing. i'm curious. on a hike at the stanford dish, the guys and i were talking about fisting. and i guess i can extend it to anal sex as well. but basically, we were talking about how the sphincter muscle must get weaker and weaker by repeated stretching. so in the end, the person will have some serious bowel movement issues, i.e. lack of control and INCONTINENCE. so my question is... has this been documented? have they done long-term studies of fisting/anal sex recipients and verified that this is a problem? it sounds like a horrible thing to suffer from. |