| 29 apr 2002 ugh. man, i hope i'm getting sick. yup. i actually WANT to be sick. and there's a reason for me saying that. basically, today, i'm feeling tired and grumpy and bored and listless, and i'm wishing that it's because i'm coming down with an illness. because the other explanation is that it's a result of my quitting my antidepressants. god, i hope i'm not feeling bad because i'm not taking my happy pills. a couple times in the past 24 hours, i've felt dizzy and light-headed when i stand up. my throat kind of hurts, and i started shivering an hour ago in a meeting at work. i kind of noticed last night that i was sort of out of it. i was having dinner at gombei with alan, jay and peter, and i wasn't really talking. or laughing. i just sat there and ate. maybe it was because it was starving, and maybe after i finished my monstrous meal i was quiet because i was getting food coma, but there's something weird about last night. i just didn't feel like the bouncy self i was the two weekends before. shit. i really hope i'm not going to sink back into depression in the coming weeks. friday morning was the last time i took my medication. so anyways, friday night, i saw the most FABULOUS movie since _moulin rouge_ last june. sonya called me up and wanted to see a movie, so we were all set for the 7:30 showing of _changing lanes_ at shoreline. but when it took us longer than expected to finish our dinners at sushi house (sonya was already eating as fast as she could), i decided we wouldn't make it in time, so we watched the 7:30 showing of _kissing jessica stein_ at the newly renovated palo alto square. it's a nice theater now... the chairs have this nice midnight/royal iridescent blue felt stuff. but hot damn it was a good movie. well acted, well written, witty, sexy... i mean, sure, i know some of you are thinking that i liked the movie because it was about lesbianism, but honestly, that's not how i looked at it. i thought of it as a really great relationship movie where the two people happened to be women. i mean, there's no explicit sex scenes or anything, and the most the girls do is kiss, and even that is more of a comic scene because of the way jessica is so earnest and deliberate at the same time. but basically, jessica, the main character, is a woman full of neuroses. and unlike, say, ally mcbeal, who is annoyingly neurotic, jessica was just adorable. her skittishness and nervousness just made me want to hold her face in my hands, give her a soft kiss, and help her calm down. what also impressed me was that the actresses of the two main characters (helen is the other one) also wrote the screenplay. basically, they wrote a play in 1997 (i think) called _lipstick_, and worked on the script for a few years to adapt it to a movie. yup. talented people. after the movie ended, sonya clapped softly and happily, and i got up, feeling a rare buzzing sensation in my body, one that signified that i was extremely satisfied with the way i had just spent my last two hours. i want to see it again. and soon. unlike the past few weekends, i didn't really have any plans. alan wasn't coming down until sunday, and jay was on call the entire weekend, so i woke up saturday at noon not really knowing what to do. i hit valley fair mall for two hours to look for an abercrombie hat, but instead i walked out of the mall with no hat and $200 worth of new clothes. damn. i kept buying shit, and it got to the point where i forced myself to leave the place because i wanted to stop spending money. of the five items that i got, the only thing i'm actually happy with is a pair of a&f basketball shorts with pockets. pockets are key. i fail to understand why i keep buying sleeveless muscle t-shirts when i don't have the physique for it. i am completely baffled. i left the mall about 2:15 or so, and i was starving, so i stopped by krung thai (south of 280 on winchester) and got perhaps the most sublime thai dish ever... jun pad poo (crab pad thai with garlic and chili pappers). motherfucker. so good. and this time was the first time i didn't have to share it with anyone. i stopped by mike's volleyball outing in san jose, despite the fact that i have no clue how to play volleyball. i ate my lunch, and reluctantly joined in for two games with jason, jimmy, john, mike and rita. volleyball hurts. i bruised a bone in my left index finger, and my forearms were in pain after bumping the ball a few times. and today, my quads are really sore, which bothers me because it's not like i jumped 100 times or anything. while the rest of us rested, mike and rita batted the ball back and forth. it was like a mating dance or something. kind of cute. i went home around 5, and watched the raptors/pistons game and read my _time_ magazine. it was so peaceful. when 9pm rolled around, i was all set to go to gwen's housewarming party, but when i checked her e-mail, i was sort of shocked to find out that the party started at TWO PM that day. whoops. i called her up to explain how stupid i was, but i wound up hanging out with her and other taiko folk anyway. we watched _murder by numbers_, which was interesting for a while but then degenerated to a typical predicatable hollywood thriller. blah. sunday i got up at 2pm, but given that i only went to sleep at 4am, it was only 10 hours of sleep. not bad. i kind of fucked around for a few hours, and the only interesting thing was that i was ridiculously hungry. at 4 i went out to get some food, but i forced myself to get something small so i wouldn't spoil my appetite for dinner. i wound up getting a 6 inch sub, and if anything, it made me even MORE hungry. it was kind of like a tease. needless to say, i ate a disgusting amount of food for dinner at gombei, complete with some chicken dumpling appetizers, and followed up by ice cream at the new cold stone. what impressed me was the fact that i didn't puke afterwards. we rounded out the day by watching _jay and silent bob strike back_. it was actually marginally better the second time around. and there's something about women in black latex outfits that does wonders for my disposition. it reminds me that i should watch _blade II_ again for the very same reason. dreams to note: one that involved an alcoholic mom, a card game like a mix between poker and blackjack, and lots of porn stars. another one that involved me climbing up on the roof of my school and nailing gigantic plywood letters that spelled out witty sayings. isn't it weird when you are in a dream, and you realize that it's a continuation of a previous one? what interests me is the fact that your mind remembers a previous dream even though you can't recall it when you're awake... it's like there's an offline cache of dreams that is only accessible when yo'ure asleep. oh, eric did something funny and randomly decided to look up k1 on the web. he forwarded me some links of interest. one of them was a video where she's being interviewed about a mobile tech service (L-mode) rollout in japan. yeah, it's impressive that she's now like some sort of "tech guru" in the news world. but in some ways, it makes me laugh. i mean, k1 always embraced her technology, but i wonder how deep her knowledge goes. i'm kind of being an engineer snob here, but dude, this is a girl who dropped a class at stanford called "physics for poets." i was driving behind this one car yesterday that had really attitude-laden bumper stickers. stuff like "get off my ass" or "i'd smack you, but shit splatters." and he drove like a madman, swerving around and cutting people off. what a fucking asshole. i mean, what is up with these people who think they own the road? and what's more, bumper stickers like that insult other people who didn't even do anything wrong. makes me irate. on that note, i want to remind myself to write something to the tune of: "you people don't know me. what, just because you read my journal, you think you know who i am? fuck off." stuff like that is just angry for no good reason; if you're pissed at someone in particular, that's fine, but a statement like that is directed at more people than are applicable... there's no reason for that shit. a while back, i saw a guy with the license plate "MSFT H8R." hm. maybe he worked for netscape or redhat or something. and then there was another with "CAL4NIA." um. what's the point of that one? doesn't the california license plate have the state's name on the top? kind of redundant, isn't it? oh, one last thing. it really bothers me. but i have this real problem with stalking people. i just like to do it. i really don't like to admit that. but it's kind of fun in a strange way. when coincidence design went up, i actually thought that it'd be cool to be one of the investigative field agents. hm. what is it that fascinates me? is it prying into people's lives? is it the fact that i have to be resourceful? i don't know. but anyways, i got bored on friday, and after having just watched the finale episode of _the bachelor_, i decided to track down the pretty girl shannon. at first, i was just reading all i could on her, out of some curious fascination. but then i found myself digging deeper. i found her old college e-mail address from her high school alumni page, and i was crazy enough to write it (it bounced). i also found what i think is her address and phone number. hm. *pause* i might have a phone number to a person i saw on tv. what an odd thought. sketchy. |