| 22 apr 2002 ah, the wonderfully nauseating bliss of indian food coma. we took the new employee shayang (who i worked with at vivace) to lunch; we went to mayuri, the indian restaurant that also catered our indian meals at vivace, so the food was really familiar. i got my fix of bengan bartha (eggplant mush), bhindi curry (okra), and the usual fave, chicken makhani. i realized that even though i hate eating salads, i will eagerly eat vegetables if they are presented with korean or indian cuisine. because it's got taste. yum. i've been smoking like a chimney these past few days. i've been barreling through a pack every two days, and on saturday, i inhaled a toxic FIFTEEN cigarettes. must stop. for the first time in years, i woke up the next day with a sick scratching feeling in my throat. ugh. the big epiphany that occured was on friday night, when i realized that i was actually *happy*. i mean, i was working well, i was upbeat, i was smiling and cracking jokes, and i actually wanted to *do* stuff. i mean, last night, when i went to sleep, i was actually excited about what was going to happen the next day. i mean, it's been literally YEARS since that has happened. all of this, though, just bothers me. because i might just be the antidepressants working. and if that's case, then i have a big problem then. because i am currently working myself off of the medication, and if the drugs are truly the reason why i'm happy, then that means that once i stop taking them, i'm going to revert back to my crazy depressed self again. so why not just keep taking the drugs? because i have a serious issue with being permanently medicated. and i don't want to deal with the side effects. so now i am at a quandary. what to do. i am desperately praying that the reason why i am feeling better now is because of the natural healing process in my body, and not because of the 112.5mg of effexor that i was on. right now, i've tapered down to 37.5mg, the last step to completely weaning myself off of the drug. shit. this is just a grand experiment. we'll find out in the upcoming weeks. but anyways, friday night, i had a couple of phone conversations with mallory and ting. add that to the long chat i had with carol, and i realized that i really dig talking to girls. because they have such interesting and fresh perspectives on things. it's been really fun. but aside from that, i didn't do much on friday night except partake in another fabulous gourmet meal cooked by jay. after we finished dinner, it was 11am, and i just watched tv for the rest of the night. one of the shows i watched was _elimidate_, which peter and i both watched separately while talking on the phone. we both were kind of annoyed with how catty women can be sometimes, though. as they competed for the attention of the lone male, they just kept on bagging on each other and acting really bitchy. saturday was probably the busiest day i've had in a long long time. i basically had no downtime from the moment i got up to the moment i fell asleep. after i picked peter up at krispy kreme, he slyly convinced me to play full court basketball with his friends. after we had lunch at subway (where this homeless man was spooking me out by staring at me menacingly), i got a badly-needed haircut and took a flash shower. then, mallory came over, and we watched _monsoon wedding_, the first indian movie i have ever seen. i was annoyed at first because the dialogue was in english and hindi, and i got tired of doing real-time processing of whether or not i needed to read subtitles or not. but the movie itself was pretty good, very robert altman-esque. and the romance between pk and alice was just really sweet. after the movie, we met up with peter and alan at nordstrom's, where alan bought a pair of trail runners and steve madden navy suede trendy shoes. i spied a pair of kenneth cole cordovan cap-toe oxfords, and i kind of got hypnotized by how beautiful they were. but after i tried them on, i was disappointed to find that they didn't quite go with my faded jeans, and i sadly put them back after thanking the shoe salesman for his time. while alan was deciding on his shoes (he was literally wading in a sea of shoeboxes as he tried on pair after pair), mallory and i checked out women's shoes. i was on a quest to find a pair of sexy black penny loafers, but there weren't any to be found. there were, however, some pretty cute mary janes. man. women have so many more options when it comes to shoes. i think if i were a woman, i'd definitely have at least twenty pairs, possibly more. afterwards, we headed to korea house, and i went and saw my second movie of the day, at the same theater no less. we watched _the scorpion king_, which was... well, it was what you would expect. lots of fighting, some stupid jokes, and a predictable plot. but sweet sassy molassy, kelly hu is fucking HOT. there was one scene where she was lying down, and you could see the side profile of her toes all the way up to her thigh and ass, and i literally felt something stir in my pants. after getting out of the movie at midnight, we hit blue chalk for some drinks. i was amused that we all ordered different kinds of drinks; peter got beer, alan got a cocktail (tanquery and tonic), and i got a straight whiskey on the rocks. after last call, people started filing out, and we got the urge to roam about stanford campus. we hit the quad, where a giddy peter proceeded to race around the periphery while alan and i lit up. it was really nostalgic. in the middle of the quad there is this flower pattern with a circle in the center, and i hoped into the circle and faced west towards the engineering side. and i was pretty much lost in my memory. this was there k1 and i stood my freshman year one night at midnight, and we just kissed for an hour. bikers whizzed by, and people were leaving some event at the church, but we just held each other, kissing tenderly under the moon. for that reason, the quad will always be one of my fondest places on campus. anyways, we heard some booming music off in the distance, and we started walking towards white plaza. it turns out there was a party in old union. a PRO FRO party. (pro fro means "prospective freshman.") yup. high schoolers. they looked like little babies, all wide-eyed with the splendor that is a college campus. we saw a banner that said "class of 2006," and it hit us like a ton of bricks: these kids are TEN YEARS behind us. it was a really sobering thought. and with that depressing realization, we left. sunday was pretty chill. i went with jay to buy a tv, and he got a really great deal on a floor model. i thought about how much money i would save if i had jay's bargain-hunting ethics. afterwards i took a nice nap while listening to the lakers/blazers game, and had pho and balls with jay, margaret, peter and ting. so the real gist here is that i've had two really good weekends. i've been active, yet i've gotten my fill of lounging when i needed it. and yeah, i'm actually happy. and all of this just makes me wonder whether i should just admit to myself that i need drugs for the rest of my life. i am still refusing to make that concession. when my friend emi got married, we were discussing wedding cakes, and i suggested skipping the expensive cake thing and getting either flan or donuts. she just looked at me and laughed. ah! but i just read last night that a growing trend, especially in the south is couples getting: KRISPY KREME WEDDING CAKES. yup. so i think i should just declare that you should respect my opinion. because i have am a true visionary. hahahaha. the _star wars_ hype is infecting me like an virus. i have decided that i'm going to bite the bullet and do the whole thursday-night-midnight-showing thing again. and i CAN'T WAIT. bring it on. i wonder how many times i'll watch it in the theaters. the most times i've watched a movie in the theater is three, and that was for _natural born killers_. well, that's the weekend update. i have a meeting now. |