| 11 apr 2002 hey people, if you sign my guestbook, you need to leave a valid e-mail address. do i really need to remind you that it's kind of lame to hide behind a fake identity? so yesterday i did some serious coding for a few hours and went home with a raging headache. i got home just before 8, and jay was cooking some fancy pasta stuff. we sat down to watch tv while we ate, and i didn't want to force him to watch _dawson's_. but anyway, when he went to his room, i flipped over to the WB. damn. for whatever reason, audrey was radiant. i mean, literally, she GLOWED. there was one scene at night where she was in pacey's car, and while everything was kind of dark and subdued, it looked like there was a spotlight on her face. and her blonde hair and fair complexion really accentuates the light. but anyways, i think she's hot. which is weird because i thought she was this totally annoying slut when they first introduced her. yes, she has ape-like jaw/chin structures, but i dig the little spots on her neck. yum. i don't get why joey would be interested in charlie, though. i mean, he cheated on her friend! although, charlie can be quite a charmer sometimes. sometimes i listen to the precocious dialogue on the show, and i get bummed that i can't be that eloquent. but then, i remind myself that the conversations aren't written in real-time, and rather, they're the product of possibly hours of revision by professional scriptwriters. on _felicity_, i noticed megan had a bar code tattoo on her right breast. that's so cool! i flipped over to some movie on USA or something, and damn, china chow is butt ugly. and she can't act worth a damn. i think there should be more women sportscasters. i mean, i find linda cohn attractive, even though she has no good empirical features. and on fox sports, they hired lisa guerrero to do sports updates, and even though i don't find her features to be that great either, there's just something about a girl who can talk about sports. luscious! i started reading the spam letters. basically, this guy actually responds to all the spam he gets. i read through the famous exchange where he talks to this nigeria scam guy, and it's pretty hilarious stuff. i think the best part is where he fucks with the nigerian guy, and the dude gets all pissed off and threatens to do some african voodoo magic. i read up on this nigeria scam thing. so basically they offer you a portion of millions that they're supposed smuggling out of the country, but you have to put up some money up front. and the con is that they take your money and run. apparently, this scam is like the #3 to #5 largest industry in nigeria! amazing. i mean, i've actually skimmed one of these e-mails, and it seems pretty enticing. who wouldn't want a few million dollars? but of course, i knew it had to be a scam. but i've definitely thought about enquiring about it until i read up on how the con actually works. spam stinks. it's a shame that something as wonderful as the internet can generate so much trash and useless shit. *sigh* tomorrow i'm meeting with my psychiatrist and i'm going to ask him if i can get off the effexor. i don't like it. i mean, it's not exactly fucking my life up, but it's not making me happier, either. i am worried about the impotence thing, and the other side effect is that it makes me have to get up in the middle of the night to take a leak. that's so annoying. i've read that when an antidepressant works, it just feels great, like life is just so much better. well, that hasn't happened, and i don't think it will. i have a feeling that he'll tell me to stay on it a while longer, though. i might be going to great america this saturday with alan and jay and company. i hate rollercoasters. i think of it as paying money to be incredibly uncomfortable. i just don't like that feeling in my stomach when i experience those dips. and some of those rides are really rough, too. i went on the disney matterhorn in high school, and i got such a headache from being jostled around that i had to go home. yeah, it's wimpy, but i just don't have fun on those things. my mom e-mailed today and asked me what a nerd was. apparently my little brother won't tell her. funny. how do you describe a nerd anyway? and what's the difference between a nerd, geek and dork? i'm too lazy to think about the different connotations. but it's kind of amusing to see parents deal with slang. at least my mom doesn't ask me, "dardy, what's snowballing?" strange that i speak mandarin, but i have absolutely no idea how to say "penis" or "have sex" in that language. odd. i was IM'ing mike, and he just suddenly disappeared. mike! come back! sleep has been absolutely heavenly this week. after discovering the secret of chilling the inside blanket, it's just totally blissful when i snuggle into bed. it's kind of sad to say, but mere minutes after i get out of bed, i'm already looking forward to the upcoming night of sleep. my brain just doesn't function like it used to. i don't know if it's the medication or the fact that maybe i just can't think any more. while i was coding yesterday, i had to figure out this set of boolean conditions and stuff. and my brain just went nuts. i literally saw streaks of staticky lightning and weird popping lights in my mental imagery. holy shit, dude. i eventually figured the stuff out, but i was really disturbed by how much effort it took. i really wish i had a healthy brain. it's incredibly frustrating to know that something is fucked up with the wiring of my neurons or rate of chemical reuptake. i mean, what the hell do you do with that? besides drugs, is there any other way to fix things? taking drugs is like dropping an atomic bomb on an anthill... sure, you wipe out the ants, but you destroy a lot of other stuff, too. ugh. i mean, for a healthy body, you can exercise, eat right, etc. but what can you do to naturally achieve a healthy mind? *shrug* i'm torn as to whether i should buy the latest _star wars: episode I_ or upcoming _lord of the rings_ dvd's. i mean, as much as i would like to have them now (although i think _episode I_ kind of sucked), i bet that after the trilogies of movies are released, they'll release some super fancy box set. *ponder* same with the _harry potter_ series. hm. damn, hermione! so cute! there's this model (saira mohan) who has a blog. i've been reading it for the past week. and i wonder if it's really her. i mean, remember that yesterday i talked about how you have to take everything on the internet with a grain of salt. this blog of hers could easily be a publicity stunt, right? i don't want to sound like i'm stereotyping, but there's just something a little startling about a model talking about economic deflation or mathematical statistics. i mean, if it's really her, then i think it's fabulous that she (or any person) has such a broad range of interests. smart people turn me on. anyways, i looked at some of her pictures, and i really can't tell what she looks like. what i mean is that after scanning through her pics, i still don't think that i could pick her out of a crowd. she just looks really different at different times. i don't know what it is about her that gives her such a chameleon quality. i'm usually pretty good at recognizing faces, but this girl seems to elude my abilities. ok. i'm sleepy. i so want to go home and lounge on the futon. |