| 28 feb 2002 hm. i woke up this morning not really being able to turn my head. fuck. seems like i must have slept wrong or something. neck pain aside, i still went and played basketball for the first time in about two weeks. after the first game, i was already winded, but i just kept on playing. (amazing how our bodies can get so out of shape in a such a short period of time). but anyways, i was very pleased! knocked down some shots, made a few good cuts that led to easy lay-ups, even penetrated the defense a few times and got off some crazy circus shots that almost went in. the people there, who have seen me play for a few years now, were surprised that i had all this energy. yay! well, there wasn't any _dawson's_ last night, so i spent two hours watching the grammy's. is alicia keys really that great? i mean, i thought "fallin" was a decent song, but now that i've heard it a gazillion times on the radio, the lyrics are really repetitive! *shrug* at least the girl seems humble after winning like four grammy's. i'm ashamed to say i enjoyed the lady marmalade number. seeing these girls in whorehouse outfits... although i swear if you just look at a close-up of pink's midsection, you'd think she was a man. and at first i thought christina looked kinda hot, but then... looks like she's been frequenting the fake 'n' bake. aside from that, i think the push-up bra is an amazing invention! besides that, i didn't pay that much attention. i vaguely remember train's performance, sheryl crow looking like a prostitute without the fashion sense, and janet jackson's abdominal muscles individually flexing out in a very intimidating "i have a better body than you will EVER have" way. ----- "yeah she looks like a painting jackson pollock's number 5" so that's from "going down" by the stone roses. i introduced my friend randy to the stone roses back when we both were in japan, and after listening to their greatest hits cd (which is really GOOD), he said that he liked that particular song because somehow it reminded him of his sister. i kind of did a double take, and i said, "uh... i think that song's about oral sex on a girl." heh. i think he stopped linking his sister to that song after that. so this girl from dooce.com got fired from her job (immediate termination, no severance) because of stuff she had written in her blog. holy shit. that kind of stuff scares me. i mean, i've read a bit of her site, and she definitely has a lot of balls. more than me. and while i admire her sense of humor and her fearlessness at expressing it, still... it sort of shocks me into thinking that i really should be careful and cover my ass. yesterday, a friend asked me to edit one of my entries, and while i was talking to him, i realized another passage that i'd written that should be cleaned up as well. i dunno. i'm slowly developing a sense of fear in what i write and what i allow myself to say. some people say a measure of what to post is to write only things that you'd feel comfortable telling someone to their face. i thought about that for a bit, and yeah, there's definitely stuff i've written that i wouldn't dare tell the subject, so that's a clear sign to me. i don't want any more trouble. i don't have the energy any more to be fearless. and sometimes, "fearless" is simply a euphemism for "stupid." i'm kind of waffly on the whole "body modification" thing. meaning, that i can't seem to reconcile why i think it's ok for people to work out at the gym to improve their bodies, vs. why i think it's horribly disgusting when people get plastic surgery or breast implants or calf muscle shaving, or whatever. what's the different? i mean, granted, one involves harnessing the body's natural processes, and the others are drastic man-inflicted pseudo-mutilations, but is there anything fundamentally wrong with the latter? because when it comes to it, the basis for both sides of the self-improvement is vanity, right? maybe. i think lifting weights and stuff has an edge in merit because you can justify saying that you are *healthier* by doing so. plastic surgery, on the other hand, is done for one purpose and one purpose alone: to look better. but to me, i still think the distinction is a little blurry because the whole bodybuilding thing has been kind of tainted by steroid use, nutritional supplements, and just a general plethora of people going overboard with it. i mean, is there any real reason (besides playing football) for being able to bench a THOUSAND pounds? i don't get people who don't want others to know they had plastic surgery. like what, you want other people to actually believe that you were NATURALLY born with double eyelids? or that your breasts were always that firm and round and perky? it's a weird duplicity there... getting something artificially done to your body yet not wanting other people to know so they think it's natural. *RAAR* it's like trying to hide the fact that you're disgustingly vain. well, anyways, the weather is getting warmer. *sniff* i'm sad because it means i won't be able to wear my wonderful jackets until next winter. i love my jackets. i think they serve as a security blanket... somehow, when i've got that final layer of clothing on, i feel less vulnerable and less "out there." in junior high and high school (back in the dork days), i wore jackets ALL the time. i even had my 8th grade history teacher order me to take off my jacket one time. looking back, i can understand why... the temperature was perfectly normal, but i was wearing this gigantic puffy space-suit jacket. but anyways, things are differently now, but i still feel that "dude, i look COOL!" feeling when i've got one of my outerwear items on. for the past two nights, i've had dreams about girls that i currently like. well, both of them are people that i can't really pursue, for one reason or another, so it's kind of a bummer. but in any case, i enjoyed the dreams in any case. i've always wanted to have a lucid dream, i.e. where you realize you're dreaming. because i've heard that when that happens, you can do anything you want. talk about a fantasy world! hot damn! well, anyways, shit. my neck is killing me. but there's a good thought coupled with that pain, though... because this time, the pain in my neck isn't because of my tics. and knowing that makes a world of difference to me. |