| 15 feb 2002 "just how far down do you want to go we can talk it out over a cup of joe and you can look deep in my eyes like i was a supermodel uh-huh" ah, lyrics. so apparently, for my iMac to get the track and album listings, i have to be connected to the internet. god damn, why didn't i figure this out earlier. now i'm itching, just ITCHING to go back and re-do the 100 cd's that i've already ripped to do them right. did i ever tell you guys that i have OCD? :) anyways, after over four hours of ripping yesterday, i finally finished all the cd's i accumulated post-college. now what's left is about 500 cd's that i got from senior year in high school to senior year in college... yeah, it's a lot of work, but at least i'm past a major milestone here. yesterday, jay came home, and he made an obvious question of why i'm doing this so fervently. and, honestly, i didn't think about why. i guess part of it was that i wanted to prepare the music for our iMac party in a few weeks, but really... did i really need to do ALL my cd's right away? i mean, the party will only last a few hours, and i've already got over a DAY's worth of music on my computer. sheesh. seems rather silly, huh? i guess part of it is that i'm looking at my iMac as a way for me to get reconnected to the music that was so important to me in the past. i mean, i hardly listen to my cd's anymore, mainly because i usually watch tv instead of lounging in the bedroom (that's where my stereo is). i guess. but shit, i've invested thousands upon thousands of dollars in my music collection, so if i don't enjoy it anymore, them i'm just a lame collector of sorts, accumulating all this shit but never using it... just dumb. so this weekend is the big stanford taiko 10th year reunion. you know, i was really looking forward to this last year, but now that it's finally happening, i have to admit i'm not that stoked. i guess i've really dropped out of the taiko scene after last summer, when the fabulous foursome (gwen, jo-ann, carol, and gina) left. for whatever reason, i liked the four of them a lot, and once they graduated, the taiko group just seemed really empty and devoid of people that i wanted to continue having contact with. *sniff* hm. something's burning in the office. anyways, i got an IM req from gotlucky yesterday. one of the things she asked was why i'm so preoccuped with sex. and i don't really know. i mean, sex is one of the regular topics on my journal (because it's so fun to talk about), but lately, i think it's been on my mind more often than usual. i can't explain it. maybe i'm repressed. probably. but, i don't want to seem like a hormone-crazed horndog, so maybe i'll tone it down for a while. oh, my iMac froze last night. piece of shit. hitting the power button didn't help, either, so i had to turn off the power strip and reboot that way. dude. i thought OS X was supposed to be something tantamount to bulletproof. what the fuck? so there was a strange juxtaposition at our place last night. jay and margaret had this nice romantic valentine's dinner, complete with a stack of long-stemmed roses that jay bought for her. so while they were eating in the dimly lit confines of the dining room, murmuring to each other, i was in the starkly-lit living room, just ripping cd's and listening to the coverage of the olympics, as if yesterday was just another mundane day. i found it kind of odd, like maybe i should have been in a more romantic mood or something. i felt like i was some sort of heretic, a non-believer of hallmark holidays. my brother's birthday is tomorrow. he'll be turning (*ponder*) um. 16. i don't know what to get him, if i'll get him anything at all besides a nice cheery phone call. i mean, whenever i ask him what he wants, he says simply, "nothing." so i don't know if he really doesn't want anything, or he just doesn't feel like asking for anything. or maybe he's just being a typical distant teenager and embroiled in that teenage reticence. you know, i'm really bummed that i don't know my brother very well. i mean, we're 10 years apart, and he was six when i left for college, and after that, we just totally drifted apart due to geography. i have no idea what he likes (besides linkin park and armani exchange) or what he doesn't like, and what his life revoles around (besides tennis and church). it makes me sad that he's probably the person besides my parents that i should be closest to, and yet we're worlds apart. come to think of it, i think i shall burn him some cd's. but anyways, sometimes i really feel like an uncle, rather than a sibling peer. i mean, when i see him once a year, i usually just shove a hundred bucks into his face and say, "here. take it," like my uncles and grandparents used to do to me. *sigh* i see my other cousins who are much closer in age, and see how they're such fixtures in each other's lives, and i say, "god fucking damn. i want THAT." is it too late? what do i do now? i love my brother. but i just don't know how to go about showing it. anyways... that apolo ohno guy is hot. speedskating is such a sexy sport... all sleek, silent, whooshing about to and fro... gliding seemingly effortlessly. hot damn! so there's a storyline in this season's _buffy_ where there is something wrong with buffy. basically, the evil-turned-good vampire spike has this microchip in his brain that causes immense pain when he hurts humans. and when they resurrected buffy, it turns out that spike can now hit buffy without feeling that pain. so the gist is that buffy came back "wrong." i mean, she is still herself, but there is something out of place in the way she came back... some discrepancy in her being that alters the fundamental nature of who she is. that's how i feel sometimes, especially recently. i mean, i'm still *me*, but i just feel out of place and out of whack a lot of the times. i'm not the spunky silly boy that i used to be, but some odd shadow of an old dardy that i used to be. i don't quite feel myself a lot of the times, like somehow i slipped into another dimension and came back slightly different, much more subdued. *shrug* writing this week seemed more like a chore for the first time in 2002. i don't know what's wrong with me. but anyways, enjoy the long weekend. good news... taiko reunion. bad news... i can't sleep in any of the three days. fuck me. |